


Wait, What?

by Skullsonanimals



Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Punisher (TV 2017), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Adorable Loki (Marvel), F/F, F/M, Female Loki (Marvel), Frank Castle needs a hug, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Hydra (Marvel), I'm Bad At Summaries, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Kid Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Gets a Hug, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Lokitty, M/M, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, Odin bashing, Panic Attacks, Past Torture, Please be safe kiddos, Tags May Change, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, be careful of trigger warnings please, for now at least, oh and, so there won't be one, somebody please protect Frank, someone please protect Loki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2021-04-06
Packaged: 2021-04-17 14:08:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 50,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21727405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skullsonanimals/pseuds/Skullsonanimals
Summary: this is a rewriting of my first fic that is called "Wait, What? OG." that fic is not finished and will never be.
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Loki, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark, Frank Castle & Loki, Frank Castle/Karen Page, Loki & Natasha Romanov, Loki & Peter Parker, Loki & Thor (Marvel), Loki & Tony Stark, Tony Stark/Thor
Comments: 78
Kudos: 477





	1. WTF!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> this is a rewriting of my first fic that is called "Wait, What? OG." that fic is not finished and will never be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for non graphic mentions of torture

“Seriously, Thor!” exclaimed Tony.  
The man had jumped up from where he had been seated on the couch, and he now stood and stared in his startled annoyance at the broken window and the skid marks on the previously pristine floor.  
Standing amongst the chaotic mess was The God of Thunder himself.  
Thor’s scarlet cape settling behind him. He was holding something that was swathed in cloth, it was rather large and it was taking up most of his arms. One hand that wasn’t trapped holding the bundle was absentmindedly stroking the cloth in a seemingly fond way.  
Tony tore his eyes away from the skid marks, and planted his eyes firmly onto the blonde god. 

“Really Thor, you do remember we have doors, don’t you!?!?” he said, throwing his arms into the air in exasperation.  
Thor had the decency to look a little guilty as he looked at the broken window, then down at the skid marks and then up at Tony. 

“I am sorry, Anthony.” He said. 

Tony eyed his face, there was something off in the guilty look the blonde was sporting, something buried, so Tony made a spur of the moment decision to not prolong Thor’s guilt by being an ass.  
Which was a hard decision for the man to come too. 

“Don’t worry bout it.” he rubbed his goatee and sighed. He had just gotten the tower fixed from the last battle that happened, he sighed once again. Cursing in his mind the fact that he would once again have to repair another part of the large building. This time he’s getting someone else to do it.  
However, maybe Tony should ask the big blonde what's with the sudden entrance. 

“So, uh, Thor… what’s that you got there buddy?” he asked. 

An uncomfortable look crossed Thor’s face and he shifted the bundle closer to himself in a protective manner, as if he felt the need to protect whatever he was holding from Tony, and that stung the engineer a little. 

Tony frowned in confusion at the oddness of that gesture. Usually Thor was a trusting, albeit a bit naive dude, so what’s with the sudden caution? Tony had a distinct feeling that this was not going to be something enjoyable for him or for any of them for that matter. 

“Yes… well… could we summon our shield brethren? I do not wish to tell this story more than once.” said Thor his voice dripping with caution, guilt, and more than anything else, exhaustion.  
Tony couldn’t help but eye the god with a bit of suspicion but he complied easily enough to Thor’s request, after all, he didn’t really have any reason not to. 

“Jarvis, call the team.” commanded Tony to his AI. 

“Already on it sir.” Jarvis replied.

The engineer walked past Thor and the god forsaken skid marks and glass shards, he just couldn’t get over the fact that he would have to repair this building once again.  
Maybe he should just encase the building with vibranium. That’s a thought, If only there was enough at his disposal. 

Tony made his way to the bar, he grabbed a tumbler and a bottle of scotch, not the overly fancy one nor the one that deserved to be sipped. No, Tony has a feeling he’s going to need something to numb him and it would be a shame to waste the good stuff with the way he was planning to chug it.  
He uncorked the bottle and poured himself a fingers worth.  
He drank it in one gulp, thought better of it and poured himself a full glass. 

The elevator opened softly and silently, Steve, Bruce, Natasha and Clint exiting.  
They all had the sense not to come in smiling and cheerful, most of them held tense muscles as they walked up to greet Thor.  
Tony watched them interact as he grabbed the bottle of scotch and the glass, moving back to his seat on the couch, settling in for whatever they all will be learning. 

“Hi Thor, it’s good seeing you.” Said Steve clapping the gods shoulder jovially enough. 

“Aye, it is a pleasure to be seeing all of you again my friends, but I’m afraid the reason is not the happiest.” Said Thor regretfully. 

“What’s up big guy?” Asked Clint, he stood off to the side of an armchair, leaning up against it in a falsely relaxed position, Natasha in a very similar position to him only a foot between them. Natasha’s eyes immediately trained onto the bundle, her eyes narrowing slightly at the slight rise and fall she could see coming from it. She crossed her arms over her chest and waited for Thor to speak his mind.

“I’m assuming your reason has something to do with the bundle you’re holding.” Remarked Bruce. Thor gave him a glance before looking down at his burden. 

Bruce came around the couch and took a seat next to Tony, raising an eyebrow at the bottle the engineer was holding. 

“Aye, well you would be right in that assumption.” Said Thor in response. He looked up casting surprisingly vulnerable eye’s around the group. 

“I do not know where to start” he said imploringly, 

“Why don’t you start from the beginning.” Offered Steve kindly. 

Thor looked back down at his bundle, clearing his throat, and swiping a thumb over the seam of where the cloth was folded.  
“Upon our return to Asgard, my brother was escorted down to the dungeons to await judgement from Fa-” He paused a pained look passing over his face before he cleared his throat again. “From Odin, for his crimes.” Thor heaved a world weary sigh. 

“After two nights in his cell Loki was escorted chained and muzzled into the throne room.” Thor broke his factual tone with a humorless chuckle. “I do not even think that they took it off of him in the first place.” He added, a snarl just detectable on his face and in his voice.  
“Loki, did not get a trial, or a chance to speak on his own behalf, nor anyone to take it upon themselves to do so either, and Odin’s word is law so my brother was sentenced, just like that, like my brother was not Odin’s own son.” The god closed his eyes releasing a calming and centering breath, it would do him no good to get riled up now.  
He rounded the couch, and took a seat himself, virtually collapsing into the cushions.  
He adjusted the bundle and continued on with his story. 

“The verdict on Loki’s life was that he was to spend the rest of his days in a cell, in almost total isolation. I say almost because the second half of his punishment was that he was to be punished by the Aesir he had wronged.”  
“There was to be one visitor a day and they would punish him as they saw fit.” the god had to pause at this, his eyes stung and tears threatened to fall but he did not want to let them fall, not when it was finally all over.  
So he grit his teeth and continued, his friends watching him and listening silently all with a pit of quickly building dread in their stomachs. 

“This went on for two years until recently, as my mother had finally managed to convince Odin that this punishment was far too harsh for the nature of Loki’s crime.” this is where the story got its first interruption as Clint couldn’t hold his protests in.  
“Too harsh?!?! I’m usually not one for torture, but that all seemed pretty fitting.” exclaimed the archer “he deserved a lot worse in my opinion.” he muttered. yes, death seemed the most fitting, make sure Loki could never escape, cause anymore harm,  
Or maybe throwing him into the deepest darkest pit one he could never possibly climb out of, either would be preferable then the prospect of Loki living as a free man. 

Thor slowly stood up, taking care of the bundle in his arms without even a conscious thought to do so. His face was red and stormy and outside there was thunder and lightning.  
Clint had really crossed a line with that comment and Thor was about ready to burst with hostility.  
Tony briefly wondered if he would have to hire someone to clean blood and brain’s off of his floors as well.  
“Watch your words, friend! You speak of what you do not know!” he seethed.  
There was a loud crack of thunder and Tony realized he should probably intervene before he does have to call someone to clean a mess up.  
“Hey, Thor, calm down, buddy.” Said Tony, he really wanted to spare his home of any new trauma. 

Steve took it upon himself to try and talk Clint down as well, seeing as it takes two to tango.  
Natasha deemed this a good time as any to speak. Her voice a perfectly calm noise in the sea of thunder and seething words.

“Thor, please explain.” said Natasha and if you were to think that was a suggestion then you are a fool. 

Thor eyed her, giving a sigh as he settled back into his seat. He closed his eyes, letting out one last sigh before opening them. “My brother, shortly after getting to Asgard, was looked over by one of our healers, Eir. Eir found remnants of an ancient power in Loki’s mind. One that matches the same signatures as the mind stone.” He revealed. Steve had to keep Clint from bursting, mostly failing until Natasha decided to help him.

“we realized that there was a period of time before Loki showed himself on Midgard, after he fell from Asgard, that Heimdall could not get even a glimpse of him. I knew that Loki could not have gotten the stone himself, and it seems I was right, someone controlled him, much like how he controlled you Eye of Hawk.” 

“This is bullshit! He’s the god of lies! How do you know this isn’t just a lie!?!” asked Clint fuming, the others had to agree. 

“Sorry Thor, but Clint has a point.” Said Steve. 

“This is no lie, this is no trick. Even for all the skill Loki possessed he would never have been skilled enough to fake something like this, not even our mother could do that, and she is the most powerful sorceress I know of.”

“That bastard made me kill good innocent people, people who had families, agents who had families, he killed Coulson. I can’t just forgive him for that!” exclaimed Hawkeye. 

“Nobodies saying you have to forgive him, Clint, but if what Thor’s saying is true then that means that Loki didn’t have a choice and that there’s someone out there who wanted all of that to happen.” Bruce chimed in, he looked a little green around the edges but he was doing a pretty good job in calming himself down. 

“Clint, I think you should leave.” Said Steve, eyeing Thor and Bruce warily, like they were two ticking time bombs ready to explode at the slightest agitation.

“Leave? like hell I’m leaving!” denied the archer. 

Natasha pulled her eyes away from the bundle, and gave Thor a knowing look, one that made the god shift the bundle into a more protected position. She gave him a nod before grabbing Clint’s arm, whispering something into his ear and dragging him away and into the elevator with her with little to no resistance on his part.  
When the two of them were hidden by closed doors Thor’s muscles relaxed but only by a bit, after all, he was still surrounded by extremely dangerous people. 

Bruce sent Tony a knowing look, only to freeze a little at the troubled almost downright traumatized look on the engineers face, a look which deserves consideration, he warily looked back at Thor. it didn’t really have to be said at this point what Thor was holding as it was all pretty clear even without the god saying it outright. Now that they knew, the breaths coming from the bundle were far more obvious 

“Do you know who was controlling him?” Asked Bruce. 

“A titan, by the name of Thanos. We learned about him in one of our history lessons. How he was banished to the farthest ends of the universe for massacring multiple different worlds and civilizations.” 

“Well that’s many degrees of troubling.” Said Tony with forced humor.  
“Okay, we should definitely talk about that more, but I for one want to get done with the first story.” he added. 

“Aye, indeed.” Said Thor dragging his mind back on track.  
“My mother got Loki’s punishment changed, and the all-father decided the best thing to do was to make Loki an age before insanity touched him. Loki was asleep for three days and awake for two. It was quickly revealed by some attempts on his life that Asgard was not the safest place for him to be at the moment, so Odin sent him with me. Loki has no memories past the age he is currently.”  
None of them were surprised by the fact that Loki was the bundle but they certainly were a bit confused by the whole age thing. 

“How old is he then?” Asked Steve. 

“About 16 in your Midgardian years.” 

The three men processed Thor’s words and Tony marked this with draining the rest of his cup and pouring himself another full glass of scotch. He was definitely gonna need more of it to get through the rest of the night.


	2. I need a drink.

Silence permeated throughout the room, a silence which was broken by the rustling of cloth in Loki's attempt to roll over in his sleep. Thor’s attention immediately snapped to his brother. He immediately tried assisting his brother into a more comfortable position and soon with one last little fidget and snort, Loki calmed down and went back into the peaceful sleep he had been experiencing. 

“I think I need something stronger.” Remarked Tony, breaking the silence which had started to settle once more.  
He got up and walked to the bar, eyeing each bottle thoughtfully before snatching the vodka from its place. He wasn’t really a straight up vodka dude, tastes a little too much like how rubbing alcohol smells but desperate times call for desperate measures.  
He poured himself way too much to be even in the realm of okay and proceeded to down it with determination. 

Steve watched the man with disapproving and disappointed eyes, a common look for the captain when dealing with Tony. 

“Thor,” said Bruce getting the gods attention. “How exactly has Loki been sleeping this entire time? We haven’t exactly been quiet.” He pointed out. 

“Aw, yes, well the healers thought it would be best if Loki were to be in an induced relaxation, to prevent stress from travel. One of the side effects is extreme drowsiness, and sudden bouts of sleeping.” the god informed them.

Tony leaned up against the bar, his glass of vodka in hand as he eyed the god.  
The blonde behemoth looked dead on his feet, absolutely exhausted both mentally and physically.  
The fact that he looked so affected was kind of scary, Tony’s seen this man fight almost to the brink of death and he’s never looked this utterly exhausted,  
Tony decided on a rash decision.

“You know what, Thor? Your dad is a dick!” he declared, “Jarvis, what rooms do we have free?” He asked,

“Luckily, Sir, Mr Odinson's floor has a guest bedroom.” Jarvis informed him. 

“Perfect” Said Tony cheerfully, maybe he’s lost his mind, that would be something huh? but no, the day that happens is the day Tony willingly becomes a father. 

“Tony! You can’t seriously be letting Loki stay here!” exclaimed Steve. 

“Yes, I seriously am! You heard the guy, Loki’s practically innocent.” Of what was done on earth at least. “Plus point break looks like he’s gonna pass out any minute now, plus plus wouldn’t it be better to have a potentially crazy guy staying with us, the hero’s, then out there with the civilians?” Asked Tony, he did have a point Steve had to give him that.  
Tony drank some more of his vodka before lighting up with another excuse. “plus plus plus this is my tower.” 

Thor was practically glowing with relief and happiness, he beamed at Tony.  
The engineer, who was starting to feel just slightly fuzzy around the edges couldn’t help but fixate on the impossible whiteness of the gods teeth, I mean seriously do they have amazing dental care on Asgard or do their godly genetics make them pre-disposed to pearly whites, how are his teeth so god-damn white?

“Thank you, Anthony. You won’t regret it.” He said. He better not regret it, Tony thought, though he had the forethought not to say it out loud. 

“Yeah, yeah. Come on, blondie.” he said. Thor got up slowly shifting Loki slightly before happily following Tony like a golden retriever, he bets that if Thor had a tail it would be wagging. 

Thor did not want to part from Loki so he took Loki to his own room and simply just climbed into bed with his brother, holding him tight to his chest. He watched his little brother sleep until his eyes grew too heavy and he too succumbed to the blackness and peace of sleep


	3. Where am I?

Loki slowly blinked his eyes open, his senses coming back to him one by one. He looked around the room taking in his surroundings with groggy eyes, where was he? He wasn’t in Asgard that much was obvious, the structure of the room was evidence enough to that fact. Not Vanaheim, not Niffelheim, definitely not Jotunheim or Helheim, both of which was a relief.  
he went through his mental checklist of each realm he had been too through out his life and each were quickly ruled out, the one place left was Midgard, but the clean crisp structure was wrong to the year Loki had last been there, if he recalls correctly last time he had been to Midgard they had still been using flames as a form of lighting. The boy sat up and took a better look at his surroundings. There was a body next to him and upon further inspection Loki soon realized that it was Thor, though not his Thor, his Thor was only just into adulthood. This Thor was the older Thor, the one who greeted him upon waking in Asgard, The Thor that told him what had happened as an older version of his mother held his hands, The Thor that told Loki that he had been in a Seidr related accident that left him in a coma, a coma which left him the same age through out the centuries. Obviously he was lying, but for what reason was something Loki had yet to figure out.  
He carefully slipped out of the bed landing on quiet feet as to not wake Thor and his reign of over protectiveness. That’s something this Thor and young Thor had in common, though young Thor’s protectiveness showed more with accidentally or intentionally humiliating Loki as a means of protection against Loki’s antisocial and ‘cowardly’ behaviors.  
So older Thor has a point against his younger Thor in that aspect. 

The room was mostly bare, containing nothing but the large bed and a small table next to it. There were three doors in the room, though one looked less like a door then the others, and there was a wall of glass behind Thor, a wall which showed the outside world in its entirety.  
Loki slowly walked up, placing a hand to the slightly cool glass as he leaned closer looking out at the many buildings and streets below them. 

“Hmm” he hummed, drawing himself away. He eyed the room distrustfully carefully walking over to Thor.  
The last thing Loki remembered was being given a potion by Eir. she had said it was too calm his nerves and paranoia, and it had done that but it had also made him quite drowsy to the point that he had succumb to a long slumber.  
Thor must’ve drank one too, maybe they had both been tricked. 

Loki’s hand hovered a bit over Thor’s arm before shaking his head and firmly placing his hand down, disturbing the god of thunder from his sleep with gentle shakes.  
Thor began to stir from his sleep, blinking bleary blood shot eyes at Loki. 

“Thor?” Loki called out softly with a bit of hesitance to the potential response of his brother. Thor groaned, rolling over onto his stomach and burying his face in the pillow below him.  
“Thor?” called Loki again shaking the man with more confidence. 

“What?” grumbled Thor, his voice raspy from sleep. 

“Thor, do you know where we are?” asked Loki. 

“Midgard.” Thor gave a tired sigh. 

Makes sense, if Asgard had changed during his absence Midgard must’ve as well. It seemed like Thor was about to fall back to sleep so Loki shook him again and he groaned in protest once again. “But why are we on Midgard?” asked Loki.  
Thor rolled his head to face Loki and looked at him with squinted eyes.

“We’re at the Avengers tower, you remember me telling you about the avengers?” asked Thor, he realized that he wouldn’t be getting much more sleep so with a yawn and a scratch at his beard he sat up, rubbing the crusties from his eyes. 

Loki nodded slowly, trying to recall all Thor had said about his new friends.  
He had not really answered Loki’s question on why, that much was obvious to the teenage god but he doubts Thor will answer so he will refrain from asking, for now. 

“Did you sleep all right brother?” asked Thor, watching Loki for any form of deception. Loki gave a brisk nod.

“Yes.” He answered, he was annoyed at the badly hidden scrutiny Thor was sporting. He should at least have the decency to hide it better, or not hide it at all, really anything would be preferable to the feeling of being constantly watched with suspicion, which was a somewhat common occurrence since Loki woke up on Asgard in the wrong time. It’s not like he wanted to be in the future, especially because it seems the future is not all that better than his present… his past, he corrected himself.  
Loki was interrupted from his bitter musings when Thor’s stomach grumbled quite loudly, the sound almost identical to the gods thunder. Thor chuckled, rubbing his stomach without embarrassment. 

“Ah, yes. It seems that I should eat something.” Said Thor his voice all too jolly for the morning, a familiar state of being for Thor, a state of being that Loki finds quite distasteful.  
Thor climbed out of the bed, with a lot more effort then such an action should call for.

Thor was wearing unfamiliar clothes, they looked quite flimsy and certainly would not protect the god from any sort of weapon. But they looked comfortable, a sure opposite of Loki’s current state of dress, as Loki was still wearing his leather and his armors, both not the best things to sleep in, or even lounge in, though Loki was somewhat okay with this seeing as it certainly protected him from any outside forces.  
And being in a new realm, this was a comfort and a sacrifice Loki was willing to make for his sound of mind. 

Thor stretched his arms over his head, his back crackling and popping in a satisfying yet terrifying display. “Jarvis, what time is it?” Asked Thor to seemingly no one.  
Has Thor gone crazy, wondered Loki, narrowed eyes fixed on his brother a sense of anticipation radiating from the god. 

“It is 7:02 am Mr Odinson.” Replied an accented voice from the ceiling.  
Loki flinched violently, hands reaching for his daggers only to come up empty handed, Loki’s eyes darted around the room trying to find the owner of the voice, his fingers twitched emptily for his daggers that he so longed for in this moment.  
Thor chuckled and Loki’s eyes zeroed in on the god, his face heating up as irritation prickled. Was Thor making fun of him, that inconsiderate fool.

“Brother, at ease. That is just Jarvis, he is a spirit that lives in the tower.” Said Thor. 

There was an annoyed sigh from the ceiling. “I have told you Mr Odinson, I am not a spirit, I am an artificial intelligence by Sir’s making.” Said the voice. 

“Yes, of course.” said Thor glibly.

Loki rolled his eyes at the familiar form of response from Thor, he folded his arms over his chest in the shared annoyance between him and this Jarvis fellow. 

“Captain Rogers has asked me to inform the both of you that breakfast is ready, and you are expected.” said the AI letting the perhaps common argument with Thor go.

Thor looked to the ceiling with excitement. “Let the captain know we’ll be there.” he said. 

“Yes sir.” Said the voice before going quiet.  
Thor looked back down at Loki. 

“Brother you should get dressed into comfier clothes.” He said Loki settled him with a bland look. 

“I would, brother. Yet it seems that I have no “comfy” clothes at my disposal.” he said with just a touch of venom. 

“Don’t be silly, you can just wear some of mine.” He said, he went to one of the doors and opened it revealing racks of clothing, he pulled a pair of pants and a shirt out handing them to Loki.

“Here, you go brother.” He said, Loki eyed the clothes skeptically and let out a sigh. 

He was going to look like a buffoon.  
“I’ll wait outside.” Thor, doing as he said he would, stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him none too gently. 

Loki slowly stripped himself of his armors, feeling more and more vulnerable as the layers were piled up on the bed. Once he was mostly naked he put on Thor clothes and it was just as he suspected, he was practically swamped by it all. 

Now, Loki was only a couple inches shorter than Thor, but he was a whole lot skinnier than the muscle head and the clothes that slipped from his skinny frame certainly emphasized that point embarrassingly so, like he needed to draw more attention to his lack of muscles.  
Loki scowled and proceeded to pull the drawstrings on the pants as tight as possible until the pants weren’t slipping off his hips anymore, once that was achieved he tied it tight making sure the knot wouldn’t come undone. 

He tucked the front of the shirt into the front of the pants, rolling the sleeves up till they no longer swamped his hands and rolling the cuffs of the pants up until he was no longer in any danger of tripping on the fabric, as he shifted the shirt slid off his shoulder, he fixed it with a scowl. He tried summoning a mirror but his Seidr was somewhat drained and sluggish, probably from the potion he had been fed. This just deepened his scowl as he wouldn’t even be able to make the clothes fit better. 

He dropped his arms to his side and stormed out of the room, surpassing Thor before the God even had a moment to register, though Loki’s dramatization was ruined by the fact that he had no idea of the layout for the building and so did not know where to go.  
He folded his arms over his chest and glared at Thor’s cheekbone, waiting for the thunder god to get his ass over there and direct him in the direction to the food.  
When Thor was ahead of Loki the teen fixed his eyes firmly on the back of the blondes head, following Thor with a good length between them.  
There was a door that slid open revealing a small room, Thor stepped in and Loki followed hesitantly wondering again if Thor had gone crazy.  
Loki inspected the room with inquiring eyes, only for the door to close, gaining his attention immediately, he opened his mouth to ask a question but the room began to move down, making Loki stagger back against the railing in panic, clutching onto it with white knuckles.  
Thor chuckled again, his feet still planted firmly on the ground, Loki blushed, quickly detaching himself from the railing and raising his chin high. 

“This is an Elevator, brother. It moves up and down,” Said Thor.

Loki felt the urge to stab Thor, he was taking far too much enjoyment in all of this, it was rather annoying and was definitely getting on Loki’s nerves, who knows maybe he should turn into a snake and stab the man when he inevitably goes to pick him up. Though alas that would probably not work seeing as Thor’s already fallen for that two times, but who knows maybe he’s dumb enough to fall for it a third.  
If Thor was to fall for it a third time then Loki would need to sit him down and have a stern talk with him about his dumbness. If Thor was truly that dumb the thought of him taking the mantle of king made Loki want to cringe more then he already cringed at the prospect. 

Loki’s mind wandered down that tangent before the sliding of the doors brought him back to real life. 

Thor stepped out not waiting very long for Loki to do the same before he was already walking. Loki rushed after him avoiding on nearly tripping on the little gap between the elevator and floor.  
They were left in a short hallway which ballooned out into a room, so Loki braced himself, lifting his chin high and squaring out his shoulders, going through his well practiced routine of making himself look like the prince that he was. 

Entering the room far behind Thor, Loki took in his surroundings with a barely see-able movement of his head.  
The room had a large wall of windows that peered out above the city on Midgard.  
In the room there was a table big enough for a whole lot of people, and there was a kitchen open to all occupants of the room.  
In the room were a few people, Loki just assumed they were Thor’s friends.  
In the kitchen by the stove was a muscular man he was flipping round disks of a sort of brown spongy substance. He was blonde like Thor and held himself like a warrior like Thor but Loki could tell upon immediate glance that those were the only similarities between the two men.  
After Loki determined this he quickly glanced at the next person to get his attention. Upon eye’s landing on the woman in the room Loki imperceptibly tensed. She was very obviously dangerous.  
She gave off waves of deadliness, she was sat at the table in a sort of mimicry of easiness and relaxation, she had short cropped startlingly red hair. She was watching Loki, not blatantly so but Loki picked it up, immediately after the cursory glance he looked elsewhere, the last person in the room was a tanned skinned man who surprisingly also gave off even more waves of deadliness then the woman but in a different way, as his ease and relaxation were not faked instead they looked very familiar upon his body, as if this was a state of his being all of the time. The woman had looked as if she was ready to spring and attack in and instant, the man looked like he knew that he could react faster than anyone in the room and deal with the issue even faster then the assailant would even be able to register.  
This man sent shivers down Loki’s spine and shot the teen with a sense of caution.  
Building on the anxiety and unease that the teen had already been feeling.  
This man looked so unassuming, with his wild curly hair, his soft features, the glasses lazily resting on his face and the ease of all his movements the way that he lazily looked upon the pages of his book not even glancing up at Loki’s entrance.  
That’s what made Loki the most cautious.  
Loki made a mental note not to antagonize this man, actually Loki should just stay clear of him entirely, the teen did not want to let the man reveal his upper hand, at least on himself that is.  
Loki looked to the glass wall and stepped into the room fully. The other’s finally displaying their notice of him and Thor even though they had noticed the two as soon as they stepped out of the elevator. 

Loki looked in the vague direction of each human. “Good morning.” He said deigning to say the first words, as the tension in the room was palpable. 

The blonde cooking gave him a strained smile. “Good morning Thor, Loki.” He said haltingly. 

Loki slid his eyes off the man giving him a perfectly constructed smile the fact that he said good morning to Thor first was not lost on Loki.  
He walked at a calm pace to the table, pulling out a chair and sitting down making sure he was of equal distance between the redheaded woman and the calm man.  
Loki settled into his seat and played ignorance to the woman's gaze on him. Thor made his way over after getting himself a drink, he sat down next to Loki making a wall between him and the calm man. Loki was grateful for the wall but he doubted Thor had done it for any other reason then wanting to sit next to Loki, he had just happened to pick that side of the teen. 

Thor set his cup down smiling at his friends. “Good morning Lady Natasha and Doctor Banner.” He said. Now Loki had names to go with the faces.  
Natasha and Dr Banner. 

Dr Banner looked up from his book pushing his glasses up his nose he smiled at Thor, his smile faltering only slightly at the sight of Loki though some strain did appear.  
“Good morning Thor,” He said before shifting his gaze to Loki, trying to meet the teens eyes but the teen deflected staring at the dents on the man's nose from his glasses. He did not want to make eye contact with any of these people, he did not trust them yet, and he was wary of them being able to see too much through his eyes, he was confident in his mask but he was not confident in how much his eyes showed his inner thoughts, masking his eyes was still a skill he was learning to master.  
“Good morning Loki, I’m Bruce.” Said Dr Banner, Bruce. 

Loki’s smile was slightly more genuine for the Doctor as he was the only one who thought it necessary to give an introduction.  
Though each of them seemed to know Loki before he had even set foot in the kitchen and it brought a strange tenseness that not even the warriors three and Sif ever produced around him, despite their mistrust and dislike of him.  
“Goodmorning Dr Banner.” Said Loki preferring the title over the name that was given.  
The smile on Dr Banner’s face turned slightly more strained. There were footsteps approaching the room but Loki fought the urge to turn and look, though his ears twitched and he kept note of the gate and the heaviness of the foot falls. 

“Hey! Buddy! Sleep well?” Asked a bright voice. Loki’s brows furrowed when out of the corner of his eye he noticed Thor brighten at the sound of the newcomer.  
Loki turned around to see the man that garnered such a reaction from Thor. he looked fairly tired, his dark brown hair sort of in a mess and his goatee framed by stubble, dark circles ringed his eyes and a smear of grease was at home on his arms, and in the center of his chest was a glowing blue star.

“I slept well Anthony!” boomed Thor happily. His demeanor taking too much of a puppy tone too sit well with Loki. 

“How bout you rock of ages?” Asked the man with an easy sort of friendliness that the teen was not familiar with. Loki easily slid his eyes to the man's nose. Was he talking to him, who was rock of ages?  
It seemed that the man was talking to him so Loki took the chance and answered. “I slept fine.” he said a tad stuntedly. 

“That’s good.” remarked the man, Anthony. Anthony made his way to a pot grabbing a cup and pouring himself something dark and steamy to drink the same liquid that Thor was drinking.

“Tony you came just in time.” Said the blonde that Loki still did not know the name of.  
But since Loki had prior knowledge of all of them he could easily deduce this man’s name.  
He would either be Captain Rogers or Hawkeye, but he did not have the average build of an archer so he must be Captain Rogers.  
Rogers was holding a plate stacked with the round, brown fluffy disks. 

“Is Barton coming?” Asked Anthony. The tension in the room rose again. 

“No.” Said Lady Natasha, her voice cold, there was beat of silence. 

“Oh right.” muttered Anthony awkwardly breaking the silence. 

He grabbed a seat at the table, sitting on Loki’s other side blocking him from Natasha. This seemed more intentional then Thor’s blockade.  
It made it so Lady Natasha could no longer stare and scrutinize Loki so the teen found himself thankful to the man and a bit endeared to him. 

“Oh Captain, my captain, you made pancakes, isn’t that a bit unhealthy to you?” Asked Anthony, lazily leaning back in his chair.  
The captain let out an annoyed sigh as he set the pancakes down in the center of the table, Captain Rogers took a seat opposite Thor. 

“Yes, well we’ve all had a stressful night so I thought that would call for some comfort food.” Remarked the man with an edge of weariness to his voice.  
Anthony leaned forward and pierced one of the pancakes with his fork, bringing it onto the plate set out in front of him. 

“Well how self centered of you to think everybody's comfort food is Pancakes, come on Cap Natasha is Russian.” Said Anthony. The blonde glared at him. 

“I like pancakes.” Said Lady Natasha. 

Loki’s attention was abruptly torn away from the conversation as Thor piled pancake after pancake onto Loki’s plate. Loki narrowed his eyes in a glare at the god of thunder before averting his eyes back down at his plate and instead choosing to glare at the spongy disks. 

He didn’t trust it.  
Not with how everybody has been reacting to his presence, call him paranoid or not but he was just being reasonably cautious. 

Loki picked up a fork and played with it mindlessly, they could have poisoned his pancakes and Thor could be helping them by picking out the poisoned ones for Loki, Loki did not know this version of his brother, it could be a possibility that Thor felt that strange hostility to him and that he had been hiding it this whole time. If his pancakes were poisoned none of the other’s would be so watching the others for their reactions to their own pancakes would be useless.  
Loki stared at the plate and watched as a fork came into view stabbing one of the pancakes off his plate, he followed the fork to the owner of it, which was Anthony. 

“Well if you aren’t going to eat it.” the man said before setting it down on his own plate, he cut off a chunk with the edge of his fork before dipping it in the syrup and shoving it into his mouth. The others watched him with varying degrees of understanding. 

Loki did not notice this however as he was too busy watching the man's reaction. After a while of nothing happening he cut some off for himself. 

“Here you should try it with syrup.” said Anthony, pouring some of it onto the pancake he stole he handed it over to Loki, and the teen hesitantly poured some onto his stack of pancakes. Making sure to watch Anthony eat some more of the now syrup soaked pancake before taking a hesitant bite of his own.


	4. Awkward AF

The pancakes were good… the whole meeting Thor’s friends thing? Decidedly less good. 

Throughout the rest of the meal Natasha had remained completely silent, only staring at Loki with narrowed prying eyes every once in a while, a gesture that made the teen sweat under his clothes with a sort of confused anxiety, and Bruce had not attempted to start a conversation with Loki after his failed attempt to be friendly during their introduction. 

Captain Rogers just sort of politely ignored Loki’s existence if one could be polite while doing such a thing, and In Loki’s opinion Anthony was way too fixated on him, he appreciated the friendliness and he appreciated the barrier between himself and Lady Natasha but he didn’t appreciate the attempts at idle conversation, and Thor? throughout the whole meal, the blonde behemoth was just sort of clueless too all of the hostility and awkwardness.  
You can bet that this irritated the teen.

Blessedly at the end of the meal Loki was allowed to leave, after leaving he was directed by Jarvis to a new room which was on the same floor as Thor's room, he was informed that it was his room for as long as he would need it.  
The teens not very certain on what that means in the long run as Loki does not know how long he will be staying on Midgard. 

Loki sat down on the bed with a sigh. It was awfully warm in his room, uncomfortably so, he’s glad he is wearing Thor’s clothes, because the leathers would’ve caused even more uncomfortable heat.

He rubbed clammy hands on his trousers, looking around for something obvious in its means to control the temperature of the room, he would do so himself if he had more of a handle on his weather spells, but alas all he could do now was the drastics, like sudden snow or fire and neither would be very beneficial in this moment, in a space like this. 

Just as he was working up the nerve to ask Jarvis, the AI chimed in, beating him to the punch. 

“Mr Odinson, Sir has requested you in the common room.” Said the AI. 

Loki smothered a flinch at the chiming of the AI.  
He stood easily and without a word left the room, heading to the elevator, the doors opened by themselves and he stepped in, the doors closing behind him. He stared at the metal for exactly 5 seconds before the elevator started to move downward.  
The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened with a barely detectible whirr.  
Loki stepped out into the unfamiliar room.  
This room, similarly to the kitchen, had a wall of windows but naturally unlike the kitchen the room had sofas and chairs as well as a bar. 

The bar had one occupant, who was currently fussing with a drink.  
“Ah! There you are! I could’ve sworn I asked for you hours ago!” exclaimed Anthony, pouring himself some of the amber liquid.  
He took a sip as he eyed the teenager. 

Loki’s eyes flitted to the other occupant of the room, Lady Natasha. She was again eyeing the teen with an uncomfortable amount of suspicion. 

The teen tore his gaze off of the woman and moved it to Anthony, glaring at his goatee.  
“You called for me 3 minutes ago.” said the god. Yes and Anthony was wasting more time with his dramatics, more time then it took for Loki to get here.  
“You sure?” asked the man rhetorically. 

“Yes.” Said Loki coldly, no humor in his voice. 

“Whatever.” Said Anthony waving with his free hand. “You, reindeer games, need new clothes. Something to help you blend in.” He said taking another sip. 

Lady Natasha sighed crossing her arms she moved her gaze finally off of Loki and onto Anthony. 

“Is that why I’m here?” she asked she cocked an eyebrow at the man. “To go shopping?” She said. Her voice was sharp like a daggers edge. 

“Bingo!” he said tilting his glass at her. 

She glared at him “what makes you think that I know anything about shopping?” she asked him and this sounded like a trap. 

“Well we both know it’s not because you’re a girl.” Said Anthony. There was something implied in his sentence that Loki did not wholly get but Natasha seemed too.

“It’s because you’re a spy. Come on! You’re always playing dress up.” He said. 

“Plus if anything goes weird,” At this the man barely gestured at Loki with his eyes but the teen tensed as he got the message “Then you’ll be able to handle it.” he finished. 

Loki felt the urge to wrap his arms around his middle and go hide somewhere with a nice book, maybe practice his seidr, he just wanted to be anywhere but here at this very moment.  
What did these people have against him, they had only just met him this day, hadn’t they?

Natasha sighed again and pulled herself from where she had been leaning against the sofa. She crossed over to Loki. 

“Whatever.” She drawled to Anthony. 

She walked past the teen into the elevator and when Loki did not immediately follow she snapped.  
“We don’t have all day.” Loki sprung into action rushing into the elevator and stopping just beside her. 

The teen blushed at his own urgency to spring into action at her command, like a child being scolded by their mother. His blush only deepened at that traitourse thought.  
The doors to the elevator whirred closed and the small metal room moved downwards.  
Once they were down at the proper level they exited the elevator. Loki trailing slightly behind Natasha letting her lead with her long, even stride.  
Outside of the building was a car waiting for them at the curb and Natasha got in with no fuss.  
Leaving the door open for Loki to follow. 

However the little god was staring at the car with suspicion and confusion. Last time he was on midgard they did not have such a thing like this. Though it was similar to the means of transport they did have at the time he was last here, it was also similar to the flying ships on Asgard, except these had wheels. 

“Get in the car Loki.” Snapped Natasha having grown tired of waiting for the god to gain the courage needed for him to enter.  
The teen flinched, as soon as that involuntary reaction occurred he scowled at himself and got into the car. 

He avoided Natasha’s gaze and fixated his eyes on the back of the drivers head. 

The door closed and the car started moving, a purring vibration moving through Loki as the engine purred to life.  
The interior of the car was sleek and black much like the exterior, though from the exterior, the windows were too tinted to see inside, from the interior you could see outside the windows though everything was tinted with black. 

In all of these new situations and all of this unexplained hostility Loki was warring between two instincts, the first and strongest was to act like a diplomatic prince, a performance that he has perfected even at this volatile age, the second instinct that every once in a while kept almost breaking through the princely facade was that of a wolf, surrounded by hostiles, the sort of instinct that left you with a growl in your chest and teeth on display, hackles raised and ready to attack and defend.  
Loki feels that being a natural shapeshifter has made instincts like this very common.  
Sometimes he just feels more animal than man, this does not frighten him though as it is such a common feeling for him that it is a feeling to be expected and readily dismissed. 

The car came to a stop in front of a new building except unlike the building he was residing in, this one had a bustle of people exiting and entering its sliding doors.  
Once the car was at a full stop Natasha opened the door and stepped out, stepping off to the side to make room for Loki as he followed. 

She adjusted her shirt, and looked back at him for a brief moment before she walked towards the building, naturally weaving through the people bustling about, Loki’s movements just as natural and graceful as hers as he followed, his head tilted up and his posture as princely as ever, he made sure not to accidentally catch the eyes of anyone as he followed the redhead into the building. Once inside she stopped, taking in the buildings interior, Loki following suit taking an inventory of where everything was. 

Natasha turned to the teen, she gave him a calculating look. “Buy as many clothes as you need.” she said careful with her words, Loki did not miss the fact that she used need instead of want.  
“You should start in the men's section, I think you’ll probably have a hard time finding clothes that fit you due to how skinny you are.” She noted

She pointed out his insecurity sharply and maybe she did not know how big of an issue his slightness was to him but he had to resist the urge to wrap his arms around his middle to hide himself, it felt like she could see through his shirt and see each and every rib that stuck out. 

“You might fare better in the womens section.” She thought out loud. And again this garnered a response from Loki but it was a slightly more controlled response, just the slightest amount of sweat beaded in his palms, his fingers twitching just the slightest amount as a wave of quick but brutal panic rushed through him, it was a familiar breed of panic one that did not linger as his mind quickly dismantled the panicked thoughts that culminated, it was the panic of someone who thought they were caught or seen, for that matter.  
Luckily it did not seem as if Natasha had taken note of his involuntary reactions.  
He wanted to sigh in relief but she would certainly notice that. 

She gestured to each section as she brought them up before she gestured at a sign that read “Changing rooms”

“When you’ve picked clothes go to the changing rooms, I’ll meet you in the men's section when I’m done.” she said she started to walk away but Loki stopped her in confusion. 

“Wait, I’m pretty sure that Anthony wanted you stay and watch me, unless I read that wrong.” He said.  
She looked him up and down again a small tick to the side of her mouth, angling upwards. 

“Yes, well. I don’t really need to be around you to watch now do i?” she asked him. 

He shook his head in reply and she seemed to take this as her que to go.  
He watched her leave him, feeling a tad helpless now that she was going to be out of his line of sight that means she could be watching him at any time and he would not be able to tell. 

A little ball of anxiety formed in his stomach, paranoia rearing its ugly head in his mind.  
He picked at his palm in a nervous tick.  
He looked around, taking in everything, moving slightly out of the way as a woman with a cart almost ran into him. Her screaming kids kicking up a fuss. 

He let out a breath and moved his long legs in the direction of the men's section.  
He hopes that he’ll find something to wear as he does not want to go to the women's section. 

By the time he met up with Natasha in the men's section he had already picked out and tried on, five long shirts all of varying styles and circuiting of three colors, green, black and one blue one. All shirts had long sleeves as he wasn’t comfortable basically announcing to the world how he was lacking in the muscle department, especially when compared to Thor's muscles.  
Though Natasha forced him to pick out two short sleeve shirts. Also it appears she was right about him being just slightly too skinny for the men's department as most of the shirts were a tad baggy on him and the pants themselves required a belt to stay up.  
And speaking of pants, he had picked out three pants all black skinny jeans.  
When he had come back to Natasha she had seen his picks and had decided that he was missing some things, so with her help he left with the aforementioned clothes but also boxers, two pairs of shoes, and socks.  
Right before leaving as they were in a line to pay Loki spotted a tube of crimson red lipstick, it was such a beautiful shade, the color right on the verge between blood and wine, so when Natasha wasn’t looking he quickly snatched the lipstick up, tearing a seam into his interdimensional pocket stuffing it inside before sealing it back up leaving no detectable seam.

All of this happened so quickly that by the time Natasha turned back to see why his hand had shot out through the corner of her eye he was already calmly rolling his sleeves back up over his elbows, she only spent a few seconds eyeing him before seemingly finding nothing in the way he was acting to make her think he did anything worthy of guilt and suspicion. She turned back around and moved, taking the place of the woman who had just paid and was collecting her bags. 

When they got back to the tower, Natasha left with the bags, probably to go wash them and Loki went back to his room, sitting on his bed, and trying to ignore the sudden tightness in his chest.  
Like his skin was one size to small.  
With this feeling came a numbness between his legs and over his pectoral muscles.  
He let out a controlled breath, placing sweaty palms onto his knees

“Okay, okay okay” he muttered under his breath, he can control this.  
There’s no reason this has to get out of hand, he’s done this plenty of times before, he can do this plenty more times, it’s no biggie.  
It certainly felt like a biggie though, like every other time this happens. 

His hands twitched on his knees and he pressed down harder to control them. The urge to rub at his chest was increasing, as the numbness progressed to full pins and needles.  
“Shit.” he muttered his voice cracking as if he was going through puberty again. God puberty had been hell as he went through two different bodily changes.

He needed a distraction something to distract him from the tingling and the tears that wanted to fall from his eyes at his shame. 

“Jarvis?” he called out quietly, willing his voice to stay. 

“Yes Mr Odinson?” asked the british voice.

“Does this place.” Loki cleared his throat as his voice cracked, a blush rising too his cheeks. “Does this place have a library?” He finished, with a shaking hand he brushed back his hair out of his face, wiping sweat off his brow and from his hands in the process. 

“No, Mr Odinson. However I could inquire with Sir about access to reading materials if you wish.” offered the kindly voiced spirit. 

Loki felt a tad disappointed in the fact that there wasn’t a library at his disposal, there was a big grand library in the castle on Asgard, one that Loki often frequented, the librarian had grown so fond of him that she would leave books out that she thought he would like, along with letting him have a private nook in the back for him to read in, away from everybody else.  
He misses her and the books and he wonders if she still works there, if she misses him too. Though with all the unexplained hostility Loki has experienced here and on Asgard he wonders if she still even likes him, or if she was taken by the hostility as well.  
This thought made his heart hurt, and made tears prickle at his eyes. 

He cleared his throat again. “Sure.” he said, finally answering the bot.  
A few minutes passed before a knock came at Loki’s bedroom door, the teen got up with a grimace, a grimace at the company but also a grimace at the numbness between his legs that made him walk a tad oddly. The only reason it wasn’t a full waddle was the amount of times he’s done this making him desensitized. 

The god opened the door. “Jarvis thought I should knock.” Said Anthony once he was revealed, though it seems the politeness ended there as he let himself in, Loki scowled slightly at the intrusion. 

“He also informed me that you would like to read.” He said, taking a seat again without invitation onto Loki’s bed. 

For the first time Loki took note of the black rectangular device in Anthony’s hands. 

The engineer patted the bed next to him. “Come sit.” he bidded, and with a scowl Loki complied, sitting down stiffly next to the irritating human.  
The man pressed a button on the side of the device and the screen lit up. Illuminating the mans face, as well as Loki’s. Loki blinked down at in in surprise. 

There was a bunch of little squares on the front of the face and Tony pressed one of them.  
“This is the library, on it you can access millions of books, each is organized by genre.” he said showing some of the genres. 

“I’ve taken the liberty of adding a few titles to your reading list.” at that he clicked a button on the side of the screen, it should pictures of books. 

A few were titled Harry Potter and a few were history books and one norse mythology book.  
“I figured that you should learn a bit of earths history and I also figured that you would appreciate the chance to read the mythology book and see what earth thought was going on with you people. Thor’s already told us that many of the stories in there aren’t true, but I think it would be interesting for you to read anyway.” said Anthony, he handed Loki the tablet and the god held it with delicate hands, not wanting to break it somehow. 

“Just press this button to turn it off, this one to adjust volume in case you decide to find youtube and this to get taken back to the home screen.” He said gesturing to each accordingly  
“And if you have any questions just ask Jarvis, he’ll help you out.” 

Loki stared down at the screen in awe, he pressed down on the first Harry Potter book, his eyes flitting about the cover of the book, he hesitantly pressed on the screen again to see what would happen and the cover flipped to the first page of the book. 

“Thank you, sir Anthony.” said Loki looking up at the man with a face full of wonder. 

“Your welcome, rock of ages. Have fun!” he said. He left without another word, leaving Loki to his suitable distraction.

The strangeness permeating through his body momentarily forgotten, instead his mind too occupied by the book that he immediately started reading


	5. Oh shit!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning,  
bit of gender dysphoria.

That night, Thor had opted out of sharing a bed with Loki again which was a blessing to the teen, as Thor is a horrible sleeping companion. He snores far too loudly and takes up way too much space, he is just a general nuisance when it comes to sleep, and lots of other things, actually.

Though none of those reasons really mattered since Loki did not get much sleep anyway, it wasn’t to do anything nefarious, the reason he did not get much sleep had all to do with Harry Potter.  
Loki had spent all night reading Harry Potter, he was already onto the third book.  
The magic in the book was nothing like “magic” in real life, it would be so frustrating and stupid if your magic use was limited to sticks. Not only that It would be quite impractical because it is too easy to break or lose a wand, well at least that’s what Loki would assume. 

Throughout reading the books it became glaringly obvious that there were some contextual things that Loki was missing, just because of his lack of knowledge of the last couple centuries on Midgard, so Loki decided to take a break, instead breaking off to read some of the history books. He avoided the norse mythology for now as it did not seem relevant to the history of the country they were currently in, America is what it is called, apparently.

Every once in a while Loki would stop reading so that he could look up something that was barely covered in the history book, and then he would return to the book, except he didn’t return when one of his searches took him to a site, which then took him to another site called Tumblr, which caught his interests pretty easily. 

He was going through things called meme’s when he finally couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer and succumbed to sleep, head falling onto the tablet. 

When Loki stirred from sleep, it took him a few seconds to realize a very important detail.  
“Shit!” she cursed shooting up into a seated position. While she was asleep her body had wicked away the numb skin of the boy form into that of a girls matching her brain perfectly now, now there was no more numbness or tingling. No tight feeling or anything to make her feel uncomfortable in her body, it would be a good feeling if she wasn’t overwhelmed by the suddenness of it all.

Loki pulled the sheets over herself bunching them tight into a white knuckled grip, her fingers aching from how hard she had them curled.  
Her control of her gender based shapeshifting was rocky at best, when she would try and force a different body, always a male one, onto herself, it would kinda be like stuffing a bag too full, like you might succeed but there’s always the chance of the bag ripping at the seams.  
She can control the seam ripping by letting her body change back to its proper form every once in a while but then it gets harder and harder to force it.

Basically the seam ripping in this scenario is her Seidr giving up, she has yet to find out if it would hurt her in any way or if would just sort of sputter out for a short amount of time.  
Back on asgard when this happened she would tend to just hide in her room for the day or however long her female state would last and that was not really seen as odd as most people would just dismiss it as her just being antisocial. 

On Asgard she could get away with not being seen for days as Thor hardly even noticed, and really the only one who did was Frigga but even she did not disturb Loki. 

There was a loud bang as the door to her room bounced off the wall, making Loki flinch and gasp under her sheets, this sound was followed by the familiarly booming voice of Thor. “BROTHER!” boomed Thor cheerily, Loki whimpered under the sheets, before poking her head out just slightly, staring at the Thor with wide eyes  
She narrowed her eyes at the god in a glare. 

“Loki, why are you hiding?” asked Thor, his head tilting like a confused puppy. 

She scowled, working at mentally preparing herself to make her voice as deep as Thor would expect it to be, though even though she was a girl her voice was not as high pitched as she would like it, it was still pretty deep for being a girl. 

“Knock, Thor, before entering someone’s room you are supposed to knock! The reason I am hiding dear brother is because I am naked!” growled Loki, lying easily. 

“My apologizes, brother. I just came to tell you that breakfast is ready.” said Thor. 

Loki heaved a sigh, dread pooling in her stomach as previous plans of just hiding for the day were thrown out the window.

“Okay, I’ll be out in a minute, I just need to get dressed.” She told the god absently, her body already felt off with the idea of changing it.  
Thor gave a nod of understanding before leaving the room, closing the door behind himself. Once Loki was sure that Thor was not going to come back in she slowly crawled out of her cocoon, the blankets and sheets trailing after her and pooling on the floor.  
She often wished for the feeling of hair sweeping over her back when she was in this form, even wished for it in her male form and her genderless form, but she had an image to uphold, so her hair remained cropped at chin length and swept back into place. Though maybe now that she was on Midgard for an undetermined amount of time she could grow her hair out to however long as she wanted. 

Loki walked with long legs to the bathroom, she was still dressed in yesterday’s clothes, Thor’s clothes, and that would have to do seeing as she has yet to receive the clothes she bought yesterday. She looked longingly at the tub. She wanted to wash herself, especially because it would buy her more time in this form, but she was requested for breakfast and she doubts that they would let her take however long she wanted.

She sighed and leaned into the sink in front of herself, peering at herself in the mirror.  
She stared into her fern green eyes. “Hmmm.” she hummed leaning slightly back she tracked said fern green eyes down her body, maybe it would be easier if she were naked. 

So she stripped, leaving the clothes neatly folded on the sink she stared at herself before closing her eyes and running a glowing green hand down her body, like she was smoothing out the wrinkles in her clothes. 

There was a distinct pop like one’s ears popping and she opened her eyes dropping her hands to her sides.  
Loki stared at her male body with distaste, she averted her eyes and grabbed Thor’s clothes, redressing herself. She sighed, pushing back her hair she willed just a bit of her seidr into having it be kept slicked out of her face, her fingers stalled on a lock of hair tucked behind her ear. With a frown she pulled it out from its hiding place. How hadn’t she noticed this before?

There was a lock of golden blonde hair braided into her short raven hair, and when she touched it it felt familiar, interweaved with the fingerprints of her mother’s seidr. She touched it delicately, preciously. She couldn’t tell the nature of the seidr within it but it was definitely Frigga’s. She carefully tucked it back behind her ear and stood taller, a small smile on her face, her spirits temporarily lifted.

She left her shoes on the ground in front of the sink, and she made her way over to Thor, outside of her room. 

She avoided looking at the god altogether, and she fixated on trying not to fixate on the numb tingling creeping up on her, the way she felt too big for her skin.  
She pressed the skin on her chest with her arms. 

Loki quickly made her way in front of Thor’s path, as she already knew the way to the elevator, it’s not like it’s hard to remember.  
She stepped in when the doors slid open and waited for Thor. she leaned back against the railing and when Thor entered the doors closed. The god stared at his sister with a concerned confused look. Loki’s eyes shifted off of Thor’s face and looked to the ground, her weight shifting awkwardly at the gods keen stare.  
“Are you okay?” asked Thor, finally breaking the silence. 

“Yes, I’m fine.” She replied, her voice deeper then how it would’ve been if she was in the right body. 

She ignored Thor for the brief amount of time they had to spend in the lift. When the doors opened back up again at the kitchen. Thor stepped out, sparing one last worried glance to Loki, before he went to greet his friends. 

Loki stepped out, watching everybody carefully, she walked to the table and took the seat she had occupied the other morning. 

When she sat she felt this unsettling feeling of skin shifting, or maybe it was the proper skin under this one shifting, wanting out of its prison. She cleared her throat to conceal the gasp that had nearly worked its way past her lips. She shifted when eyes glanced at her, Natasha lingered her gaze on Loki before going back to the conversation she had been occupied with.  
When Loki could no longer feel eyes on her she glanced up from where she had been staring at the table and took in everybody and their surroundings. 

This time Dr Banner was by the stove, Natasha was mid conversation with Captain Rogers and Anthony was once again absent.  
Thor was stood shifting between his friends, sometimes talking to Dr Banner and sometimes making his contribution to Natasha and Captain Roger’s conversation.  
Loki didn’t really know what they were talking about and she did not make an effort to find out. She simply just readjusted herself in her seat.  
Thor seemed to grow tired of the bouncing and went to a cabinet opening it, he reached inside for the shelf that had a box on it a box that was labeled as “Pop tarts”.

“Please tell me that’s not all you’re going to be eating?” asked Dr Banner judgingly. The blonde looked slightly guilty as ignored the Doctor’s remark.

“Loki, you must try one.” said the god, lifting small silver wrapped packages out of the box.  
Loki eyed the god and his bounty suspiciously. 

“Alright.” said Loki not really having a reason to say no. the blonde beamed and unwrapped the packages. He took two pastries out and put them into a metal contraption just by his elbow.  
He pressed down on a lever and the pastries disappeared. Loki stared with poorly hidden interest. 

Dr Banner sighed. “I’ll make extra eggs for you and Loki then.” he said shaking his head. 

“Thank you friend Banner.” boomed Thor, there was a ding and the pastries re appeared popping up from the contraption, Thor grabbed them and immediately hissed in pain. He looked like he debated dropping them but simply held them delicately to lesson pressure and the amount of skin in contact with the steaming food. There was another sigh and Dr Banner grabbed Thor a plate holding it out for the god to put the pop tarts on. Thor smiled in thanks taking the plate over to Loki, he set the plate down next to Loki and sat himself in a chair, sitting just a tad too close to the godling. Daintily Thor picked one up, or as daintily as Thor is capable of.

Loki rolled her eyes and simply cooled the pop tart down with a touch of her fingers, she picked it up since it was no longer burning hot and she tore a small piece off, hesitantly putting it into her mouth. Chewing slowly, she grimaced, It is a bit dry. She put it back down on the plate and swallowed her mouthful. 

“Not quite to my tastes, brother.” she said and the god of thunder deflated a bit. “More for you then.” She added not liking the disappointment on his face. 

“Yes, I suppose so.” he said taking back her pop tart. 

She sighed and leaned back in her chair waiting for the eggs that Dr Banner had mentioned. 

“Loki, would you like some tea?” Asked Dr Banner, setting a plate of eggs down in front of Loki. he set another plate down in front of Thor, looking at Loki expectantly.

“If you wouldn’t mind.” she replied. Since Dr banner has shown the least amount of hostility towards her, she can not see a reason why he would poison her now. Surely if no one poisoned her yesterday morning that means who ever would poison her, if any of them were going to, would not want an audience. Dr banner gave a smile,

“I made myself a chamomile, but I have other types.” He offered, he grabbed two other plates, both had eggs on them but they also had toast. He went back to the counter grabbing a mug from a cabinet, he set it down and opened a drawer with the teas. 

“There’s black tea and jasmine tea.” said Dr Banner, Loki was a bit disappointed with the choices, missing the familiar teas of Asgard. “Sorry I’m a little low.” Said the Dr chuckling awkwardly.  
“Black tea, please.” said Loki and the man went about making the tea. Loki looked to the extra plate of eggs, picking up her fork she stabbed the eggs on her own plate. 

“Who’s eggs are those?” she asked, after swallowing her mouthful.  
Banner placed the mug in front of her and took his seat, she avoided his arm subtly still uncomfortably tense around him. 

“Those are for Tony, he’s down in his lab and I don’t think he’ll be coming up for breakfast, so I was going to bring them down for him, make sure he eats.” Said Banner,  
Oh.  
Loki took another bite. “I could bring them for him, before they get cold.” She offered, it would be an excuse to get out of here sooner as she doubted any of them would expect her back.  
The group of superheroes who had shown no signs of really listening in before, all suddenly shared looks with each other, Banner hesitantly accepted her offer. 

“That would be nice.” spoke Banner awkwardly, Loki nodded finishing her last bit of eggs she moved her plate to the sink and grabbed the plate for Anthony. 

“There’s also a mug of coffee for him on the counter if you could take that to.” said Banner gaining a bit of confidence.  
Loki grabbed the mug and held the quickly cooling plate, she got into the elevator, taking comfort in the sliding of the doors, blocking her from everyone’s view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's kind of hard to imagine how dysphoria would manifest in someone who can change their body to fit their mind so I did my best and Idk this is kind of what I imagine that would be like.


	6. Do I have to be social?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Content Warning) a bit of panic, and some not graphic descriptions of body changes.

The elevator doors opened up to reveal a long hallway, on one side of it was a wall of glass looking out into what Loki assumes is the lab she’ll find Anthony in. she willed some warmth into the plate of eggs and stepped out into the hallway, she went to the door and heard a brief click followed by whirring and then one last click, she shifted the plate and opened the door, stepping into the lab.  
She was immediately stunned by the loud music filling the room, if you could call it music, it just sounded like noise to her. 

She went to cover her ears only to remember that both of her hands were occupied at the moment, she frantically looked around the lab, looking for Anthony because when she found him and gave him the food she could go.   
Loki saw a shower of sparks fly into the air and heard a curse that was quickly drowned out by the music she moved towards the sparks, rounding a table covered in junk she spotted Anthony, he was covered in black smudges, and his hand looked hurt as he stuck his finger into his mouth. 

“Turn off this awful noise!” shouted Loki her male voice straining to be heard over the music. 

Anthony heard her though, as he jumped and turned around, his mouth moved but she could not hear what he said, but then the music stopped. The suddenness of it leaving left a weird feeling in her ears. She sighed, eyeing him, she held out her bounty. 

“These are for you, from Dr Banner.” She explained quickly. He eyed them. 

“I don’t like to be handed things.” He stated, Loki rolled her eyes but moved closer to the table. She swept her seidr over the tables things moving them to the side to make room for the plate and mug.  
“Here.” she said, she turned back around, Anthony wasn’t facing her and had seemed to have missed her usage of her seidr, which was fine by her, less chance of mockery. 

“Jarvis, tell Bruce thanks.” Said Anthony. 

He turned back around towards Loki and the table, he grabbed the coffee. Some of the black smudges had been cleared off of his skin, and his finger the one that had been stuck in his mouth was red, Loki scanned the table. She wanted to ask what he had been working on but she had brought him his food so that she could leave earlier so she will not waste the time given to her. 

“Goodbye, Anthony.” she said before quickly leaving, making sure to leave well before the man could say anything or start his god awful music again. 

She got into the elevator. “Can you send me to my room, please?” she asked. 

“Yes, sir.” Said Jarvis, she folded her arms over her chest self consciously and waited, counting the seconds till she was in the safety of her bathroom. She didn’t bother closing the door all the way, leaving it open just a crack so that some steam could escape the room. 

She went to the tub and as instructed by Jarvis how to do so, filled it to the brim. She stripped naked and flung the clothes backwards, not caring for the mess as relief was just about to be hers. She got into the tub, some water overflowing and hitting the floor with splashes, she sunk down until she was fully submerged and closed her eyes. Bubbles formed around her body floating rapidly to the top causing more water to capsize, once the tingling was fully out of her body and the tightness was gone she pulled herself back above the water and breathed.   
Her body was right again. 

She swept her short hair out of her face, sighing with a tad amount of disappointment as she wanted to feel what it would feel like to wring her hair dry, to let it float around her like a blooming cloud. 

She could will some seidr into her hair, make it grow faster, maybe even make it grow to her desired length overnight but she didn’t quite feel comfortable doing that, not yet at least. 

She floated in the water, closing her eyes with a small smile on her face she simply just absorbed the heat that her body sorely lacked.   
About 10 minutes before Loki decided to leave the bath they felt their mind and their body shift into their genderless form. Their chest was now flat once more but this did not make them look masculine, their features were not as harsh as their male form nor as soft as their female form just sort of in between.   
This form was a lot easier to hide and they would only need to trick people into not seeing the subtle differences to their male body, the situation between their legs however was the least subtle thing but that could easily be solved by extra padding and avoidant eyes. 

Loki pulled themself from the cooling water and grabbed a towel off of the hook it had been situated on. They wrapped it around their waste and collected their clothes off the ground, they stepped out into their room and froze.

The clothes they had bought the other day were neatly folded on their bed. They had certainly not been there when Loki had walked in earlier, so someone must’ve brought it in while Loki was in the bath, the godx looked back to the door slowly, not allowing panic to brim just yet, they stepped backwards till they had their back directly against the entrance to the room, and they walked forward, all the while keeping their eyes on the bathroom door, moving until they were at the bed. They sighed, shoulders sagging in relief, there was only one position that allowed you to see inside the bathroom and see the bathtub, and that was when you were directly in front of the bed, knees to the mattress, and even then, with the door only open a crack, you could only see where Loki’s head had been in the bath. Still Loki couldn’t help but feel a bit paranoid that even despite all this, at the thought that whoever had brought the clothes had seen them and now knew their secret.   
But they repeated their discovery in their head, slowly placing down Thor’s clothes and grabbing the clean clothes they had bought. They picked out a long sleeve shirt, the pants, underwear and socks, not to put on their feet. 

They shimmied into the pants and underwear, waiting to pull the pants up for after they got the sock situated properly in the underwear, they pulled the pants up doing the button as they hung low on their hips. They grabbed the shirt and pulled it on. 

Clutching the long sleeve in their hands, they pushed back their hair and crawled onto the bed.   
Loki briefly thought of drying their hair with their seidr but decided against it they would let their hair air dry and simply deal with whatever monster that was born when it was born.

Loki grabbed the rest of the clothes off the bed and went to the only other door in the room, which led to the closet. They put the clothes inside and closed the door, neatly folding Thor’s clothes on their bed, to give to him later.   
Loki grabbed the stark tablet from where they had left it earlier and crawled back onto the bed, resting their back against the headboard they turned the screen on and adventured among the apps held inside the device. Spending brief moments on each app and spending slightly longer moments if they were interesting enough, the majority of them were not interesting, maybe educational if they wanted to do some more culture observing but this was a time for relaxation, they did not know when the next time they would have to interact with Thor’s friends, hence the sock in their pants.

Loki clicked on an app with a red button with a triangle on it and was brought to a white screen filled with different pictures with different titles. 

Some of them were labeled as news, which was similar to other apps Loki had visited but then there were other titles that brought some curiosity so Loki clicked one, it loaded up a new page where the picture was blown up and then all the sudden it started moving and talking from the speakers. Loki stared in awe at the screen. 

“Woah.” They muttered under their breath. The picture was not very interesting after a while but before they exited the app they noticed a search bar similar to the one in the library app. Loki clicked on it and it brought up a key board, they thought about what they wanted to type, they thought back to the music playing in Anthony’s lab, surely not all music would be like that but it doesn’t bring up the question of the musical standard of Midgard, maybe just of America though. Loki typed in music, hitting the search button the screen loaded. There was a lot of bright colors, followed by the words Top Pop hits of 2016. Loki’s brow creased and they clicked on one of the pictures.  
Music started playing from the speakers and Loki scowled, listening a bit before shaking their head and hitting the back button. They didn’t really like this Pop music, it sounded weirdly fake.


	7. Movie Boi

By the time supper rolled around Loki’s eyes were as dry as the desert from staring at the bright screen practically all day. An unsatisfied scowl almost fully set on their face, they did not have much hope for America’s music so far. There had only been two singers Loki had found that they liked but even then the singers weren’t even from America.   
Someone named ‘Hozier’, and a group called Of Monsters and Men whom were from Iceland when Hozier was from Ireland, they remembered Iceland from one of the times they had snuck onto Midgard.  
Loki blinked burning eyes and dropped the stark-tablet in their lap, they rubbed their eyes roughly trying to alleviate the dryness.   
The coolness of their hands eased the burning of their eyes briefly before they had to drop their hands and the burning slowly crept back. They yawned, the light from the stark-tablet going out as the screen went black.   
There was a knock at their door. They looked over. 

“Yes?” they called out. 

“Loki, may I come in?” asked Thor from behind the door, Loki nodded even though Thor couldn’t see them. At least Thor had learned, from Loki’s scolding. 

“Yes.” they called out once again, their voice was maybe just a tad higher than their male one but they doubt that anyone will ask why if they were to notice. They’d just most likely think it was their imagination but if they asked Loki about it the Godx will just feign ignorance and make the hero’s think that it was just their imagination. 

Thor opened the door but did not bother actually entering into the room.   
“We are going to have dinner while watching a movie. The others have already ordered the Pizza.” said the god.

“Thor, I did not understand a lot of what you just said. What is a movie, and what is pizza?” asked Loki,   
As they spoke Loki had crawled to the end of the bed, grabbed Thor clothes and handed them to blonde, the god automatically took them without even registering what was happening. 

“Oh, Loki, you will enjoy movies! They are like moving pictures.” he said, 

“Oh like the pictures on the app Youtube?” Asked Loki. 

“Yes indeed.” answered Thor.   
“And Pizza is a round bread with a tomato sauce, cheese and usually a type of meat on it.” Thor explained. 

“Hmm.” hummed Loki in acknowledgement, that didn’t sound bad, but Thor would eat anything. Even if it wasn’t safe to eat.  
Loki picked at their palm before nodding. “Okay, I will go.” they said. 

They got out of the bed and while Thor wasn’t paying attention subtly made sure the socks were in the right place.   
They followed Thor to a floor they had not been yet, it held a large screen similar to the sort of screen as the tablet. The room also held a few couches and sofas which held the team of heros. 

Most of them held no regard towards each others personal space as all of them were crammed onto one couch. Legs entwined with others, and arms disappearing only to reappear in a nonsensical place making it into almost a game of ‘whose arm is this’.  
This is the first time Loki has ever seen Natasha look anything other then hostile and threatening, though mainly that was due to the fact that it was hard to look like either when you were snuggled into a blanket with your legs practically wrapped around the dear Captain.

Loki faltered upon seeing them all. There was space for one other on the shared couch it was a space that was specifically carved out and it was obviously not meant for Loki. 

Thor beamed and hurried to their sides, taking his spot and accepting a plate that was piled high with pizza that Anthony had handed him.

Most of the avengers had a slice or two of the pizza respectively, though it looked like they had been eating for a while if the empty boxes piled next to the coffee table were any sign. Loki hesitantly made their way closer to the chattering group, all of them talking over each other so much that they could not make any assumptions on their conversations. Hearing all sorts of random things such as.   
“Rips, arrows, bra.” bra was said by Tony and was followed by a friendly if not annoyed smack from Natasha.   
Loki, grabbed the last plate from the table and grabbed themself a slice to try, they took this slice with them to a lone sofa that did not look often used especially if the way the pillows erupted dust was any indication.

They bit their lip and resolutely ignored the stinging in their eyes as they briefly fidgeted with the pizza, growing frustrated at the way it would fall limp when they held it, they watched grease drip off their slice and onto the plate with the sound of small patterings, they scowled in disgust. Dropping the slice back onto the plate they set it on the coffee table, none to gently.  
Loki had an aversion to grease, the way it made everything that it touched slick and smelly, how it transferred to easily, staining whatever it touched. It made his stomach curl and shrivel when he ate it and so this Pizza would not do. There was already grease on their fingers, they scowled and pettily wiped it onto the arm of the sofa.

None of the others seemed to notice these happenings as finally Captain Rogers wrestled the remote away from Anthony. 

“Hey, it’s not your turn to pick the movie! It’s mine!” cried the engineer with a whine to his voice. 

The Captain let out an annoyed sigh. “Fine…” he ground out. “Just nothing violent.” he requested. 

The engineer gasped dramatically, clutching his chest, or rather clutching the star in the middle of it. “Darn,” He stated with a sarcastic drawl. “You know what, I think Loki should pick the movie.” he said and all eyes snapped to the teen in question, well except for the teen who’s eyes snapped to Anthony, staring at his goatee with a startled look.  
“What?” they asked.

“Umm not to sound rude but Loki doesn’t know any movies.” Said Captain Rogers bringing his eyes back to Anthony. 

“Well yeah, but he’s been reading books and I bet at least one of them is a movie, and if he read Harry Potter, well then there we go.” Said Anthony 

“I have read Harry Potter.” stated Loki, offering this information, slowly and hesitantly.

Anthony looked triumphant. “Harry Potter it is.” He said taking the remote back from the blonde he set it down as he didn’t really need it. Really the remote was mostly just here for the others as they were more used to using a remote then asking an artificial intelligence. 

“Jarvis, play the first Harry Potter movie.” Said Anthony. He pulled a blanket closer to himself, tugging some onto Thor who was sat next to him. Thor smiled just a tad brighter at the gift.

Loki was almost instantly captured by the movie, it was quite remarkable, and the children were quite good at ‘acting’ though they supposes that for the children it’s basically like playing make believe. 

Why Loki used to pretend to fight Jotunns all the time. Of course they always won gloriously against the frozen beasts, though they never had anyone to save from the monsters as no one ever wanted to play Loki’s games with them.  
Though sometimes Loki would be saved from Jotunns by Thor.   
And maybe just maybe if Loki was lucky Thor would fight alongside them to help save some other poor damsel in distress. In these instances it was mother, or it was a foal if it was a foal they would usually then get a stern talking to from the stable hand or from mother about disturbing the babies. 

Loki was snapped from their musings when Anthony called their name softly, they frowned in confusion and looked back at the man. He was holding a corner of the blanket up, a space between him and Thor opened, it wasn’t much space, but it would be enough for Loki to fit. 

“You look cold over there Lokes.” Said the engineer, Thor was watching the teen for a reaction,  
and the others were either studiously ignoring what was happening with a sort of uncomfortable look or they were watching Loki and Anthony with a sharp calculating one. The ones that chose ignore was just Bruce and the ones watching were the dear captain and lady Natasha. 

The movie played in the background as Loki looked at the engineer, eyes flitting between him and the blanket and the spot. Loki was not cold, and they knew that they did not look it either. It wasn’t even a cold room either.   
So this was either a genuine invite, or it was a trick, and Loki was tired of being tricked but they were also tired of their expectations towards the other potential cruelty being demolished, it left them feeling wrong footed every single time, so they decided to get up and walk slowly over with a fair share of faltering steps, reaching out hesitantly to grab the corner of the blanket from Anthony, they sat down between the two warm bodies, one of which was familiar while the other was strange and unfamiliar to them. 

They settled uncomfortably in their squished spot and almost immediately regretted their decision at the amount of their personal space that was absolutely ignored. 

But they could not get up because Tony almost immediately fixed the blanket and put a bowl of something buttery on Loki’s lap, trapping the teen there. Loki bit their lip, instinctively clutching the bowl so it would not fall off their lap and make a mess. They stared at the food in confusion, but they did not ask as they did not want to break the silence with their voice. They could feel the eyes of Natasha and Captain Rogers on them but they stared resolutely at the TV screen. Feet planted firmly on the floor and legs glued together. There was a shift on their right and Thor’s arm came around their shoulder pulling them closer to his warmth.   
Out of the corner of their eye they saw Tony’s hand creep closer and into the bowl, pulling a handful of the fluffy food out. Loki could hear it crunch and squeak oddly between his teeth as he chewed. 

Loki hesitantly grabbed one for themself, popping it into their mouth and biting down. It was salty and had a strange soft yet firm texture. They liked it, so they grabbed more. After eating a handful they got something stuck in between their teeth and it kind of hurt, they picked at it with their tongue until it was dislodged, they took it out of their mouth and stared at it with a scowl.   
They did not like that bit.   
Slowly everybody's attention was drawn away from Loki and back to the movie, and eventually Loki’s attention was drawn back to the movie, slowly relaxing in between the two men.


	8. oof this is awkward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for extreme hostility and paranoia 
> 
> takes place 3 days after previous chapter.

3 days later. 

Things were still rocky and awkward between Loki and the rest, though it seems that the others were staring at him with a little less suspicion then before. Though even then they still didn’t not seem all that welcoming and warm towards Loki, well except for Anthony, but Loki supposes that the man had been welcoming and warm the day he woke up on Midgard.

Loki’s interactions with Dr Banner weren’t many but they were still stilted, and wrong footed. His interactions with the Captain were all with poorly concealed suspicion hidden with politeness on the Captain’s part, now the suspicion that came off of Natasha was a lot less hidden and was not at all hidden with the politeness like Cap instead she much preferred just pretending to ignore him and that’s if she was not out right staring.

That left two and well Thor was very much the same and Loki had yet to meet the reclusive Barton. 

Though upon accidentally listening in on a conversation between all of them it seems like Loki won’t have to wait much longer to meet this Barton character, though Loki’s not all that sure he wanted to meet him anyway, not with the way everybody always reacted when he was brought up. But Barton can not stay away forever after all, though maybe Loki could. 

Loki picked up his tablet and turned it on.  
“Sir if I may?” Asked Jarvis from the ceiling. 

“Yes?”

“I have picked out some artists I believe you would like based on your other musical likes.” Said Jarvis, Loki looked to the ceiling.

“Really? that was kind of you.” Said Loki, pleasantly surprised by Jarvis’s thoughtfulness.

“If you just go to the music folder on your tablet you’ll find all the music I’ve compiled for you.” 

Loki did just that, locating the play button for the first artist he pressed down on it and music started coming out of the tablets speakers. It was a band called Big Thief.  
He was half way through the album by Big Thief as he was searching Tumblr compiling more data about the modern teenager, when Thor came to the door and knocked.

“Come in.” Called Loki absently. 

The door swung open and Loki spared a glance at the god of thunder.  
“Loki…” he began but Loki interrupted already knowing where this was going. 

“I know, I know, breakfast. I’ll be there in a minute.” He said, hmmm teenagers liked to joke about their pain a lot. 

“Alright brother, I’ll save you a place.” said Thor, Loki nodded pretending to pay attention. There was a sigh and Thor left, closing the door loudly behind himself. 

About 7 minutes passed before the tablet automatically turned off “What? Hey!” cried Loki.  
“Jarvis!?!?!” 

“I turned your device off for you Sir, seeing as you are late to breakfast. You best make your way quickly.” Said British voice with an annoyed lilt. 

Loki sighed in annoyance dropping the tablet onto the covers he didn’t bother getting changed instead he just made his way to breakfast. 

He stepped into the room and froze. There was an extra person sitting at the table right next to Lady Natasha, this must be Barton. Barton noticed Loki shortly after the teen stepped into the room and immediately his fist clenched around his fork and his eyes turned so freezingly cold it was as if it belonged to a frost giants. The awkward eyes of the others turned to Loki, seeing the teen absolutely frozen to the spot. Loki really did not want to be here anymore. 

“Brother you are late!” said Thor indignantly. 

Loki tore his eyes away from Barton and suppressed a shudder. “Apologies brother, I got a bit distracted.” He said measuredly, not like Thor should be one to complain Loki remembers each and every time Thor was ever late to meals on Asgard. What little defenses Loki had let go of during his time on Midgard drew right back up, tighter than ever. He really did not like the way Barton looked at him, like he was nothing but the scum on the bottom of his shoe, even the others when they first saw him did not hold this much hate in their gazes. 

It was wholly disconcerting to know that even though he’s never met this man before he had the ability to hate him so thoroughly,  
It was rather impossible without knowing Loki, and even then the teen did not think he ever did anything bad enough to warrant this amount of hatred. But who knows maybe it’s his existence that insults this man. 

“Come brother, sit.” beckoned Thor, there was a seat in between Thor and Dr Banner, and again Tony was missing. Loki felt a bit bitter on how Tony had escaped this drama by hiding out in his workshop.  
Loki sat down, avoiding looking at Barton. They ate in silence, the air to stifling and tense to produce any conversations, and everybody who was not Barton or Loki watched them with a foreboding feeling in their stomachs.  
Loki fumbled with his fork with shaky fingers, it clattered to the plate, realistically it couldn’t have been a very loud clatter but in the silence it sounded like a gun shot. The semblance of peace in the room that they had worked up was broken when the silence was.

Barton shot up from his seat, the legs of his chair squealing on the floor as it slid back, teetering on the edge of falling but luckily it did not. Loki flinched back and stared with large eyes up at Barton, the man was practically steaming with how angry he was, he picked his fork up and clenched a white knuckled grip around it. Loki didn’t dare even breath, his eyes locking onto the fork, it could easily be used as a weapon and Loki had to fight the urge to duck away just in case moving would break Barton out of whatever trance he was in, because for some reason the man was not throwing the fork at him and Loki wanted to keep it like that for as long as possible. 

The man ground his teeth, a muscle in his jaw ticking, and he threw his fork across the room and stormed out, Loki’s skin tingled with fear as he slowly locked his eyes onto the fork stuck in the cabinets. The next second Lady Natasha was up and hurrying after Barton. Captain Rogers looked like he wanted to follow but after a look from her he stayed seated. 

Loki slowly wrapped an arm around his middle staring at the fork with his breath stuck in his chest.  
“I’m... going to go.” he said so quietly he didn’t know if anyone heard, he stood and left, though not without making sure Natasha and Barton were not in the hallway first.

Loki spent the rest of the day in his room, he did not leave even when Thor asked him too and when he refused to come out for dinner Thor left him food outside his door which Loki promptly disposed of incase Barton had poisoned it. 

The next day Loki did much of the same, he did not leave and he did not eat, not trusting anything that was put out not even when Jarvis insisted that it was not tampered with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we getting into the more angsty stuff


	9. Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for Torture, skip till you see + for when the nightmare is over. skip till * if you do not want to read the after affects of the nightmare.

Loki woke up on Asgard. No, wait, that wasn’t right. He distinctly remembers being on Midgard when he had last closed his eyes. 

He looked around himself, taking everything in. it was definitely Asgard but it wasn’t a part of Asgard he had ever really frequented, he had been down here once, but once had been enough, what with all the screaming, all of the threats, all of the frankly scary looking people and the people who looked innocent enough, a lie easily broken as they raved insanely, talked about murdering their townspeople, or drowning their babies, sometimes there were the few that just sat silently detached from the world, with acceptance, maybe or maybe they were simply waiting for their chance to escape, Loki could not tell but he did not give it too much thought, not wise to get into the minds of lunatics. Either way this place was familiar to him as the castles dungeons and he currently was in one of the larger cells. One of the cells with the large expanse of see through forcefields, a cell opposite to the small cells that were completely enclosed. The foulest went in those. Rumor has it that there’s a Jotunn in one of those cells, but Loki was not to keen on finding out for himself.

Loki could not move, he was laying down on his side, staring outside the cell, watching as the guards walked by. His back was to the wall which would've normally been comforting but as of now the shielding of his vulnerable side was over shadowed by the sharp stinging that was embedded in his skin. at least Loki was breathing and every once in awhile he would feel a toe or a finger twitch, so the body could move, he just couldn’t move it himself, he was just here to witness like all the other nightmares.  
Two guards came to the cell, the forcefield parting to let them in, and without any fuss they came and they pulled Loki up from the bed, dragging him as the body would not move it's feet. They took him out of the cell and to an open part of Castle, open to the cities people, people who were now lined up to watch whatever spectacle faced them today. The guards chained Loki to two posts leaving him kneeling with his arms spread far from his body. He simply stared at the ground black hair falling into his face in tendrils. 

There was the sound of light footsteps behind him followed by the sound of crying. A hand touched his clean unmarred shoulder almost delicately and a soft feminine voice spoke out in the silence. 

“I was there, at Thor's coronation, my husband was there too well he was bellow it, he was preoccupied with his job, a job that did not allow him to stand with his wife and watch the prince become the king, a job that rarely let him come home to see me." there was a sigh and a mirthless chuckle "he was supposed to have a leave for a few weeks after the coronation, and I was excited, but then the Allfather uttered one word that made me realize that I would not be seeing him again. It is your fault you witch, that I will never see my husband again" Said the voice, the soft touch becoming harsh as sharp nails curled into the meat of his shoulder. Loki observed this and listened, feeling dread build in his stomach, he wanted to speak, to ask “what are you talking about.” or maybe to say sorry for whatever the woman was talking about, for whatever fault she thought he had.  
But alas he could not speak. She pulled away, and Loki briefly thought that maybe that was it, that this would prove different from the other nightmares.  
However Loki was proven wrong, her feet shuffling into view. She grabbed a chunk of his hair, pulling his face up so that his eyes would meet her tear stricken snotty nosed face. She snarled at him, teeth bared as snot dripped from her nose, her face savage with a boiling anger. 

"People died, because of you!” she snarled at him, spit spraying and hitting him in the face, he merely blinked, but he reeled on the inside, at the amount of hate and disgust and wrongness of all of this. 

She dropped his head and grabbed a whip offered to her by one of the soundless guards. She came around him again and that's when it started.  
Blaring hot and sharp on his back, over already marred flesh, he barely made a noise, but it just kept coming and coming and coming and eventually he broke in his silence, a deep bellow racketing from his throat tearing from it like ground glass. 

After a while the pain was just pain, no spiking no lowering, it stayed constant and throbbing as skin eventually stopped registering the new hits, and Loki cried. After a while the woman must’ve stopped, but all Loki could hear was the twinkling of blood dripping to the floor. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Loki woke up with a gasp, imagined pain in his back abating almost immediately, though the pain he had felt still echoed in his mind.  
He shivered uncontrollably, not feeling cold at all. he wiped his shaking palm over his sweaty face.  
His sweat cooling quickly in the air. These nightmares keep coming, on and on and on. They are not normal, he is not normal to be having these dreams, perhaps he was cursed to imagine such things. Though how could one imagine such tortures so vividly? He screwed his face up as he worked on calming his breaths, his chest heaving erratically with them.  
He closed his eyes tight, not wanting to see the room around him just in case it changed, in case it warped into the one of his nightmares.  
When his breathing was back in his control and his heart was no longer making an effort to escape his rib cage, he opened his eyes and let out a shaky sigh, the room had logically stayed the same. He pulled himself up, leaning back against the bed frame.  
His t-shirt clung to him sticking with his sweat, his skin starting to itch with it. If he wasn’t feeling so vulnerable he would take it off and leave it off, to let his skin dry and to let the cool air hit his tensed body, but alas the memory of the whip made him wary to reveal his back even though he was alone in the room.

He got out of the bed, stepping lightly to the closet where he grabbed a change of clothes. He changed quickly and efficiently. Briefly touching the skin of his back, only to find the smooth skin that belonged there. Loki doubts that he could sleep anymore this night at least not if he didn't get a suitable distraction, with this knowledge lodged into his brain he made to pull the sleeves over his hands but stopped and stared at the way they shook in front of his eyes. The way they practically vibrated. He scrubs the sleeve over his eyes to wipe away any moisture there that was trying to escape.  
He looked over to his bed both wanting to curl back under the covers and wanting to stay as far away from the sweat soaked sheets as possible lest more nightmares come.  
*******************************************************************************************************************************************

He bit his lip. Turning towards the door without further thought he left the room heading towards Thor’s room.  
Jarvis helping direct him in the right direction. As Loki came to the door he stopped, fist raised mid air, and he wonders if Thor would care at all. Despite the fact that his Thor and old Thor are the same person, they differ. People change when they grow, Loki knows this, but even knowing this he does not feel like it properly explains the extent of the changes, or just how subtle they are yet so drastic at the same time, it even confused himself to the point where he felt that he was certainly imagining it all.

Loki sighed dropping his fist he turned, making to leave but the door suddenly swung open and Thor stood behind it, the lights behind him dimmed.

“Brother!” beamed Thor.

“Lower your voice.” Snapped Loki, he briefly felt a pang of regret when he saw how Thor’s face fell but before the little god could muster up an apology for his snippy attitude,   
Thor’s face was already going back to one of happiness.

“My apologies, brother.” Said Thor quietly. A volume Loki rarely heard from the blonde god.

“What brings you?” Thor asked, Loki picked at his palm and looked at the ground, he wasn’t really sure how he should ask for comfort. He wasn’t very adept at any sort of feats of vulnerability and Thor sensed this.

“Hmm, brother, your hair is a mess. Why don’t you come in and I’ll braid it.” offered Thor, Loki tamped down his initial defense to the state of his hair, not so much because the hair was not a mess but more for his pride. This offer was a surprise to Loki but he took the bait.

“Thor, there is not much to braid.” said Loki even as he entered the room anyway. Thor lightly closed the door behind his brother. 

“Yes, well you could grow it.” Said Thor.

Loki lit up, this could be his excuse for longer hair. He ran a hand over his hair and felt it grow under his fingers. He didn’t stop till the hair hit his shoulder. More hair for Thor to braid. Loki curiously sought out the blonde braid and found that it had grown with his hair, so now he had a long blonde braid behind his ear.

Loki turned to his brother. “Don’t knot it up.” he told the god sternly. Thor smiled amused.

“Of course brother.” he said. “Come sit.” he gestured to the foot of the bed.   
Loki sat on the ground and watched as Thor left him to go to a box on a table, he opened the box and pulled out to Loki’s surprise a hair brush, hair ties and a smaller little box with a lock on it. He did not open this box but instead brought it with him to the bed. He sat down placing his legs on either side of Loki,

“I suppose we should use some hair oils.” Said Thor, Loki sighed and summoned a bottle of perfumed hair oils from his ‘pocket’.

“Ah thank you brother.” Said Thor taking it from Loki,   
he set about combing the oils through Loki’s hair, being careful with the knots in his hair and working through them delicately with the oils. Loki was surprised with the amount of care Thor was taking and what Loki thought was going to be a unpleasant experience turned drastically pleasant.  
After Thor was done combing he set the brush aside and began braiding, after a while he opened the little box. 

“No peaking brother.” he scolded when Loki tried to get a look inside the box.

Loki’s eyes bounced around the room, chasing imaginary shadows, after a while though the shadows lessened and he calmed. Thor briefly traced a finger over the blonde braid before righting it in place, his fingers worked deftly, occasionally picking something out of the box, Loki’s ears twitched as Thor started letting out a gravelly hum.

This was not the first time Loki’s had his hair braided by someone else, Frigga used to braid his hair whenever he was particularly sad when he was younger. As Thor tied off the last braid with a leather tie he fixed the braids neatly before placing a barely there kiss to the top of Loki’s head.

“There, all done.” he said, his hand lingering on Loki’s shoulder, the teen fought the shudder at the unintentional mirroring of the woman in Loki’s dream. Loki stood up, bringing a hand up to feel his hair. There were quite a few braids some were pretty small, with things woven into them. He headed to the bathroom to see what Thor had done.  
There were beads and string woven into his hair, they must’ve been in Thor’s box, though Loki could never remember seeing Thor wear these particular beads or strings.

He peered at the beads closer, they were of viking style but the metal was not of Asgardian metals.  
“Brother, where did you get these beads and strings?” asked Loki

“They were a gift from Anthony.” Said Thor, a fond smile on his face. Loki looked at him through his reflection in the mirror, he narrowed his eyes at the smile.

“Is it okay for me to be wearing them? They were a gift to you.” Said Loki feeling a tad alarmed at the thought that Anthony would not him wearing this.

“I doubt Anthony even remembers buying them, but even then they were a gift to me and I shall choose what to do with my gift, besides when you take them out I’ll keep them, and we can get you your own.” he said. I nodded in understanding and agreement.

“If you insist.” Said Loki. Loki felt weird, this wasn’t normal Thor behavior but he supposes that not normal Thor behavior was inevitable. Thor looked like he wanted to say something, something clouding his face but he simply closed his mouth and wished Loki a goodnight’s sleep. now that the wisps of the nightmare that clung to his mind were no longer haunting him he felt safe enough to go back and sleep so Loki bid Thor a goodnight as well and left. When he got back to his room he burrowed under the now dry sheets and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the braids are just kinda like down the left side of loki's head.


	10. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for panic attack at end, and the usual gender issues. For the panic attack scene I'll trust u to know when u should stop reading if u want to avoid it

This time when Loki woke up it was due to an alarm rather than a nightmare, she still woke up with just as much panic coursing through her veins though. 

When she woke, she was startled even more into alertness when she had to cling onto the mattress to stop herself from falling off the bed. 

“What is that noise!?!?!” she shouted pulling herself away from the edge of the bed and curling herself into her covers to dampen the noise and the ringing it caused in her ears, she was going to lose her hearing if this sort of loudness was very common in the tower.

The alarm cut out abruptly and she sighed in relief, some tension leaving her body. 

“It was the alarm for the Avengers to assemble.” responded Jarvis, his voice almost a whisper compared to the earlier noise. 

She peaked out from her covers curiously. “There is a battle?” she asked. 

She brushed her hair back from where the loose locks of hair had fallen in her face, a scowl on her face. 

“Yes, ma’am.” Said Jarvis and Loki flinched violently. 

“Do not call me Ma’am!” she snapped with panic. There was a moment of quiet before Jarvis’s voice chimed back in, his voice laced with trepidation. 

“What do I call you, then?” He asked. 

“Sir, only sir. Only male pronouns.” she said, even if it would make her feel shitty. 

There was an uncharistic pause in Jarvis before he answered.  
“Okay, sir.” he said. He almost sounded concerned but Loki brushed it off as nothing but her imagination. There was no reason for him to be concerned.

She sat up straight the covers falling around her waist and she sighed again, fingering her braids lightly, making sure not to cause them to fray and frizz. 

Her stomach growled with hunger pains and she frowned in thought.  
“How long do you think they will be out, in battle?” she asked the ceiling, 

“It is hard to say, sir, but from the way things seem to be going, I would say a few hours.” 

She nodded to herself, a few hours was plenty of time for her to go and grab food, probably even make it into an actual meal. Even with this knowledge she still felt a curl of anxiety forming in her gut but she tried not to focus on it, nothing but silly paranoia. 

She got off the bed, and figured that there was no reason for her to change her clothes to eat. 

“Sir would like for me to inform you that you are not allowed to leave the tower until he allows it.” said Jarvis. 

Loki sighed rolling her eyes “he says that like I’ve left the tower more than once, and unaccompanied.” she said. 

She headed for her door, breakfast seemed like a good desicion, and she could collect food that will last her a while, and if she skipped most meals she could survive months in her room. 

And that does seem preferable to seeing Barton again. She shivered in memory of his hostility. 

“Let me know when Anthony gets back.” said Loki. 

“Will do, sir.” said Jarvis before cutting out. Loki headed to the kitchen floor. 

“Hmm” she hummed, what to make, what to make. It’s breakfast so a hearty meal of eggs will do, and then some food that does not require cooking, that food she will hide in her pocket and take back to her room. 

She set out the eggs and some mushrooms that vaguely resembled the mushrooms on asgard. 

She went about searching for some food to take back with her and came up with Jerky, pop tarts, cereal and apples. She threw them into her pocket before buttering up a pan and cooking her food for now. She set out a plate and piled it high with eggs and mushrooms. She wasn’t the best cook around, her practice only having been a couple of times around a camp fire but the eggs weren’t to bad, a little overcooked but they would fill her empty stomach and that’s what counts. 

When she was done eating she practically licked her dishes clean, she didn’t realize how hungry she truly was until she had gotten food in her belly.  
She set her plate in the sink and something caught her eyes, it was a knife lying in the sink, the blade glistened, calling her name, she picked it up and relished in the familiar feeling of a handle in her hand, it was weighted well for a cooking knife, as she admired the light glistening off the blade a hand snapped out and clutched her wrist, time froze. 

Time snapped back into place and she dropped the knife. She felt a cruel hand dig into her shoulder and she shivered at the reflection of the woman from her dream, a reflection she felt in the grip more than the placement itself.

This hand spun her around and she came face to face with a red faced, snarling Barton.  
when he saw her properly he looked taken a back and then she remembered that this body was the wrong one to be presenting. Air was punched out of her lungs and her brain felt fuzzy with panic.  
Barton opened his mouth probably to tell her that what she was doing with her body was wrong but before he could spit his venom she wrenched herself from his hands and ran for the nearest door, her feet only touching the ground long enough to propel her. She slammed shut the door behind her, and pressed her body back against it. Her chest heaved and her breaths came too fast and too light, she squeezed her eyes shut so tight it hurt, a feeling built around her, like she was being sucked into a vacuum but then before something could give she felt like she was falling through space. She landed and stumbled, feeling cold air hit her skin, she toppled forward falling onto her hands and knees, wet cobble under her, that's when it happened, the feeling like her skin was ripping at the seams as her seidr snapped out around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh I'm leaving u at a cliffhanger and I'm sorry to say I'll probs have another huge gap between uploads. Thanks to everyone who has stuck with me so far! I appreciate y'all and y'all's comments so much!


	11. There's good news and there's bad news

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: semi graphic vomiting, typical Jotunn racism, aggravated assault and panic attacks. 
> 
> for the vomiting scene I will be putting )))))) for the beginning and ++++++ for the end, look out for both if you want to avoid the vomiting. I won't have warning's before the possibly triggering scenes, there are too many in this chapter to really censor it for you like that, so at the end notes I'll be putting a summary of the chapter I suggest that you skip the whole chapter if any of the content warnings bother you. 
> 
> Sorry for the long wait for the chapter, it was really hard to write and it went under some heavy editing, I probably won't be uploading much during quarantine because I'm finding it hard to write right now due to everything going on.  
I will try to upload more but it might not happen so keep that in mind. 
> 
> also I'd like to thank everyone who keeps reading so Thanks. 
> 
> Love y'all.

Clint stared after Loki, he was frozen to the spot just trying to make some sense of what just happened, he was failing spectacularly at that.  
All of his previous anger was gone, instead it was replaced by an overwhelming sense of confusion.  
As the man was slowly coming back to his senses Tony came rushing in, looking ready for a fight. He skidded to a stop and Clint's eyes slowly flitted over to look at the engineer. Confusion was written all over the archer's face and this made Tony stop, his face adopting it's own look of confusion. the engineer lowered his defenses looking around, trying to spot Loki, somewhere, anywhere. After all Jarvis had informed Tony about Loki getting accosted by Hawkeye in the kitchen, but he could not see the teen god anywhere. There wasn't even a trace of the god having been there in the first place and certainly no evidence of a fight that would've ensued between the two if Loki had been here.  
Tony settled his gaze back onto Clint, his hands finally lowering from their defensive position. 

"You want to tell me what happened?" Asked Tony. 

"well... I don't know." Offered Clint with a helpless shrug. 

"What do you mean you don't know?" 

"I mean, Loki's a girl, was a girl? I'm fucking stumped man, he, she, they? they were holding a knife but then they weren't holding a knife but they were a girl, and then before I could say anything they ran off to go hide in the bathroom." Said Clint, throwing his arms up in exasperation.  
"how come you didn't tell me Loki's a girl?" He added loudly.

"Cause I didn't know!" Defended Tony. He crossed his arms, a hand coming up to rub at his forehead. "I think Thor might have some explaining to do." 

)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

A wave of nausea hit Loki like an avalanche, her body not being able to handle it, it made her gag violently and not being able to hold any of it in as she threw up all over the cobble that was framed by her hands. Her free hair falling and catching some of the chunks as they fell from her mouth. Her body lurched with each painful heave as all of the food she had just eaten emptied out of her.

The heaves combined with the acid burning her throat made her eyes brim with tears. It felt like it would never stop and after what felt like an eternity it finally proved that it could stop, and that it would stop. 

She clenched her eyes shut, fighting down the rest of the nausea, the tears that had brimmed there finally fell before being pulled from her face by gravity. 

She wiped her cold hand against her lips and chin, wiping away the chunks and the stomach acid that had found a home there.  
She finally pulled her hair back, swiping away some of the chunks from the strands, rocking herself back onto her knees and feet, so she was kneeling instead of in the undignified position that she had just been in. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

Loki took in gasps of air, the cold of it eased her burning throat and it felt like Valhalla on earth.

Loki cracked open salty eyes, blinking away the rest of the tears from her eyelashes, the ones that had been distorting reality with light and reflections. 

The teen sluggishly looked around, her body sapped of all energy, what little energy she had managed to get from the food had been spent in this little unpracticed and ill advised trip, anymore energy she would’ve been able to get was now gone with the food. She was so sapped she couldn’t even open up her ‘pocket’ and grab some more food to replace the stuff she had just lost all over the cobble. 

The thing is is that seidr is fueled by energy and currently she had none, so that meant she currently could not even access the seidr woven into her being. She could feel it, yes, just under her skin, it was a maddening feeling, having it there yet out of reach. Hel at this moment Loki felt just as weak as a newborn foal. 

Obviously her seidr had transported her outside, but she couldn’t quite tell where ‘outside’ was.  
After all the one time she had left the tower was to go clothes shopping and this area looked in no way familiar. She doesn’t even think she’s seen this part of the city from her eagle view in her bedroom. 

But once she has her bearings she can figure out where she is, and get back to the tower. Her heart skipped a beat remembering the anger in Barton’s gaze, so maybe not to the tower yet.

Her surroundings were quite beaten down, the buildings looked un-cared for and some of the windows were even boarded up and the streets were filled with rubble that from the looks of it had been there for a while. 

Her head felt dizzy. Loki frowned and closed her eyes shut once again, there was something off in there, in her brain, like something was missing. Not a memory and not a train of thought but something tangible, something she could feel and taste and smell. Though it smelled, felt and tasted like nothing yet its disappearance was still noticeable to her. 

She readied her seidr to go probing and searching but frustratingly her seidr simply pulsed under her skin before quieting again and no matter how much she beckoned it forth it would not budge.  
She opened her eyes with a frustrated sigh, rubbing her hands over her arms comfortingly, hoping to get rid of the disconcerting feeling in her body. 

She closed her eyes again and with a calming breath reached out with her other senses to feel around the gaps in her being.  
She was just about to give up but then she found a jagged edge, it’s edge glimmered and she felt along it, she frowned. It felt like Father’s seidr. She opened her eyes with a snap of surprise.  
Why would his seidr be woven into her like this, what did he do and how is she only just finding out about it now.

She brought her hand up to rub at her forehead, where a pounding headache was starting to build but she froze, when out of her prepheril she saw her hand and saw that it was blue, an eerily familiar blue. She snapped her attention to the appendage and let out a shaky gasp, it was Jotunn blue. 

Loki tracked her eyes over her skin, over her fingers that had started to vibrate with tension.  
There was a lump lodged in her throat that felt like a scream trying to break past her vocal chords, her eyes began to sting as she stared with wide, confused, alarmed eyes at the skin that wasn’t hers.  
She stared at the markings raised from the skin that tracked all the way up until it disappeared under her shoved up sleeve. Her lungs felt like shriveling prunes in her chest. What was this trickery?!?!

She pulled her sleeves down until it covered her hands not wanting to look any longer, she knew that if she were to look more she would find the blue everywhere and she was thankful for not having a mirror because she did not want to see the blood red eyes that would no doubt lie there. 

She looked around in a panic, looking for someone to help, or to make sure no one was looking she does not fully know which. Either way when she saw that no one was around to witness this she was filled with relief, she needed to hide. She spotted a dark alleyway and hurried for it, moving on wobbling legs until she was at the end of the alley, her back colliding with the wall as she used it to ease herself down onto her butt. She pulled her legs to her chest and buried her face in her knees, trying to breath through it. She pressed her eyes so hard into her knees that flashes swept behind her eyelids. She whimpered quietly, biting into her lip to not let out anymore pitiful noises. 

She has always preferred the cold over the warm, but that was normal, right? That’s the thing, it wasn't, it wasn’t normal on Asgard, a place of eternal warmth, everybody who lived there loved the warmth of it, but Loki often felt the warmth too much.

“Woah, what the fuck?!?!” said a voice loudly,  
Loki snapped her head up. At the lip of the alley were three men, the one at front was wearing a baseball cap and was holding a bottle. He took off his hat and stared with a gaping mouth at Loki. the other men weren’t faring very differently. 

“Man, what the fuck is that?” asked the man closest to him, he wore a white button down that was pressed and crisp, tucked into equally crisp pants, he also had a gold wedding band secured to his finger. 

“I think it’s an alien.” said the first man to speak, his lips tilting upwards oddly. 

Loki, not liking the looks that these men were giving her cautiously started pulling herself up with the help of the wall behind her. Her legs shook and she hoped that they were strong enough to help her run if she needed too. 

“W-what should we do about it?” asked the third and last man, though saying ‘man’ was generous, he looked a good bit younger than the other two and he had an uneasiness about him.  
He was Loki’s best bet if things went bad, she couldn’t throw a good punch, she could tell, and she wouldn’t be able to use her seidr to assist her but he looked weak enough that just a shove could disarm him. She kept a wary eye on him. 

Though this question of his made the other two men to look at her with contemplation.  
The first’s smile suddenly grew and Loki’s palms grew sweaty with nerves at this look. She hid her nerves well, not even her lack of energy stopping her mask from pulling up. 

“We could call the avengers?” offered the second man, and while Loki did not want to see them that option was probably the best that these men would come up with. 

The first man bumped him with his elbow. “Nah, we can deal with it ourselves” he said, looking at his friends. “Do our city some good?” he said, his friends didn’t look very convinced and the man noticed this, he nudged his friend. 

“How’s the wife divorcing you making you feel?” he asked his friend. 

Loki looked for an opening to run for but the alley wasn’t very wide and the men were spread out enough that even if she was fast she wouldn’t be able to get past them before one of them managed to snag her. She will wait for them to move and then take her chance. 

“Just great Johnny!” said the second man with a sarcastic happiness. 

“How do you think I feel huh? Why the fuck you bringing this up now, you dick!?!” he asked angrily. 

Johnny looked giddy, he moved closer to where Loki was and the girl pressed herself further into the wall in response.

“Well, ain’t nobody gonna miss this… thing, we’d be doing the city a favor, if we just dealt with it discreetly.”

Loki wished for a knife, anything to give herself an upper hand in the fight that’s no doubt going to happen, and all of her depleted mental energy went to trying to figure out how to get out of this, speaking was not her priority and her voice felt far enough away that she did not try reaching for it. 

The thrumming of cold under her blue skin reminded her sickeningly of the only defence she has got. Frost giants can give you frostbite instantly, but obviously she wasn’t cold enough to do that, so it must be something either related to the climate of their planet or something they themselves make happen. Even though the thought was distasteful it would be very useful right about now. 

Man 2 was staring at her with contemplation, like he was weighing his morals against the bout of relief he would if he took his frustrations out on her.  
When he nodded in acceptance to his friend it was clear which weight was heavier, and Johnny, well Johnny looked far too happy and excited at the prospect of beating up a helpless teen.  
The third guy however, did not seem nearly as morally corrupt as his friends. 

“Guys, we should just report it, leave it be until someone comes and picks it up.” he said, nervously. Johnny scoffed. 

“You know those super hero do gooders don’t look out for the little guy, the Avengers only serve to the government's agenda and those vigilantes, they put good women and men into prison, they aren’t on our side.” 

“I just don’t know about this.” at this Johnny snapped his attention fully onto number 3. 

“Well then just leave if you're going to keep complaining about it. But don’t say a word to anyone.” he said leaving out the threat he very much wanted to add, he thrusted his finger and the guy to further his point. He moved slightly away from the wall and Loki took her chance, she ran. Sprinting as fast as she could, but they caught her, Johnny’s arm coming around her middle making her grunt with the impact. Johnny and man 2 held on as she struggled, kicking squirming, gnashing teeth in their direction trying to catch skin in between her incisors.. 

She struggled hoping to knock one of them down, to break something or dislocate something of theirs that could help her get out, but alas she was too weak and the men simply readjusted their grips on her, Johnny laughing in her ear breathlessly they took her hits with only grunts before she had spent too much energy and had to eventually stop her struggle so she wouldn’t pass out.

“It has some fight in it” remarked man 2

“And I nearly thought it was dumb.” said Johnny mockingly, tightening his arm around her. 

He shifted his hold so that he had his arms looped under her armpits, she tried struggling again but it failed to work once again.  
Loki sent prying eyes at the third man, he was fidgeting around, looking around superstitiously, his eyes met hers for a brief second before he snapped his gaze away, looking around even more frantically then before. 

Loki growled deep in her throat and the 2 men laughed. 

“Fuck you!” she growled at them, staring down the man in front of her, looking at his neck and hoping he would get close enough for her to secure her teeth into his jugular. 

“Look! It speaks” the man said mockingly.

He rolled up his sleeves neatly, and he cracked his knuckles before curling them into a fist, and he swung, aiming for Loki’s stomach. She tensed just before the punch hit, when it hit she barely let herself grunt with it, but it made her cramped stomach feel worse.  
He aimed again. Loki could do this for however long they needed. She has been through worse, she has dreamt of far worse than this, she could handle it. She repeated that over and over in her head to keep the feeling of desperation from getting too overwhelming. Soon they will grow bored and have nothing else to do with her and she doubts they have the will to take it further and actually kill her. 

The fist hit and she had to force down a gag, he wound up again and she tensed again, but this time when he hit he hit a new spot and it knocked all the air out of her lungs, her chest failing to rise with new air. He was winding up for another hit, she could see it out of watering eyes as she struggled to get her lungs to inflate her vision narrowing into his face, but before he could swing his fist, a pair of hands came around into her view and as if in slow motion, the man's neck jerked and made a sickening cracking noise as his body grew instantly lifeless and he fell to the ground revealing a bulky shadow covered man behind him.

Time sped back up to normal again as she heard a scream behind her and Johnny let go of her. She caught herself just in time to avoid a face plant into the cobble, air was starting to ease back in her lungs so using her energy reserves she pulled herself away from the two men. Her vision was blurred by the tears gathered in her eyes but she blinked them away getting a better look as she watched the man, his actions mirrored those of the warriors who would go into a berserker rage during the heat of battle. Brutish and haltless. 

The man practically barked at Johnny before he attacked him, knocking Johnny down quickly, Johnny didn’t really try to fight back but the man did not ease up, he simply punched Johnny in the face, the sound of the cartilage there snapping and then he was straddling her attacker and the brutish man grabbed a fistful of Johnny’s hair and punched at his face, bringing his face back quickly from the recoil until Loki could no longer see Johnny’s face under all the blood and mess of swollen misplaced tissue and bone.

She gulped, the man only stopped when Johnny stopped moving, and seemingly stopped breathing as well, but she could just barely see it, the slight rise and fall of his chest, if he was found fast enough he would live, she suspected, but neither her nor her saviour really cared about the outcome enough.  
The man definitely knew Johnny was alive though, he gave this away by faltering on his last punch, something in his head must’ve intervened last minute, before he could land a more damaging possibly more fatal blow.  
Her attacker's life was left up to fate. 

Her savior stood, his knee’s popping audibly. His hands were dripping blood, and just beyond the mess Loki could see the skin that was split on his knuckles where his blood flowed and mingled with Johnny’s. 

Past his hood Loki could see his face twitch before he looked at her, his eyes were devoid of emotion, except for the blood thirst that was hidden in them, his face twitched again. There was blood staining his skin even on his face. Besides these things she observed, he was indeed a very brute-ish looking man, stubble barely coming up on his cheeks, a very strong face and a nose that had clearly been broken a number of times, going by the bump that sat in it’s bridge, a bump that Loki’s nose mirrored, though not nearly to the same extent as her saviors. 

They stared each other down, the man heaving deep breaths vs Loki who was barely even breathing, not wanting to move and provoke the man who up to this point was her saviour she didn’t want to change that. 

He moved away from Johnny but in doing so he moved closer to Loki so she quickly backed up, still looking up at him with wide eyes.  
He froze, before growling out in a surprisingly quiet voice. “What are you?” 

Loki flinched at his question, right, she was blue. How could she forget.  
She sniffed, blinking the rest of the tears from her eyes. 

“I don’t want to fight you.” She said, going for confidence though she kinda missed the mark what with having just been beat up, nevermind the fact that she looked like a skinny, weak, teenager. 

His face twitched again. Though some life outside of blood lust flickered in his eyes, 

“Is there a reason I’d need to fight you?” he asked, some of the growl was gone from his voice and that helped Loki feel slightly optimistic for where this was going. 

Loki shook her head to his question, staring him down, she absently wrapped her arms around her middle, wishing to ease the ache there. His eyes tracked her movement. He looked around before crouching to be more at her eye level, his knees popping once more. 

“How old are you kid?” he asked, without the growl inbedded in there his voice was incredibly soft, it put some of her frayed nerves at ease though she still was prepared to run if she needed too, muscles tense and ready to spring, and hopefully they won’t fail her, again. 

Loki thought about his question briefly. Doing the calculations. 

“16” she said  
“And where are you from?” he asked, this was similar to his first question, just less abrasive and less room for offense.

Loki eyed him warily. “Asgard.” She answered honestly, it’s not like she could hide that she wasn’t from this planet, not anymore. 

A flash of recognition passed through his face for less then a second but Loki caught it.  
The man looked at the lip of the alley before standing, and once again his knee’s popped with an added bonus of a barely detectable creaking noise coming from his knee caps. 

He held a hand out for Loki to take.  
“Come on.” he said, she eyed his hand warily, the blood still wet on his skin, but before he could take his hand back Loki grabbed it and used his help to get herself to her feet. Her muscles would not have sustained a run for her life but a girl can hope. 

She let go of his hand and he shoved them into his pockets.  
His hoodie was black so you couldn’t see the blood soaked into it, and the shadows from his hood concealed his face enough that you could not see much of the blood splatters drying on his face either.

They stepped over the bodies as they left the alley, the three men, two of them dead.  
Loki felt slightly bad for the third man, the one who hadn’t done anything, but she couldn’t do anything about it now, could she.

“Do you have anywhere to go?” her savior asked her. 

She looked to him, she could tell him the truth, that she had a place, a place she didn’t want to be, or she could tell him that she had nowhere to go. She did not want to see the Avengers not yet, and she does not yet feel comfortable telling this man where she has been living, especially considering it was not a hard place to find, but if she told him she had nowhere what would he do? Would he kidnap her, or just send her off with a dismissal? 

She frowned to herself before deciding on her answer. “No.” she said simply and plainly. 

Loki shoved her hands into her pants pockets as they walked and she waited for the man to say something but he said nothing. Her stomach filled the silence in between them by growling loudly, loud enough for the man to hear, and certainly loud and painful enough for her to barely suppress a twitch in her eyes.

He eyed her from his preperial as they walked. “You hungry?” he asked. Loki looked at him with suspicion, bemusement and surprise. 

She nodded slowly. “Alright then.” he said with a nod and with that all conversation was dropped, though he changed course just slightly and Loki followed him warily.  
She took note of their surroundings just in case she needed to escape.  
They came upon a run down apartment complex and once inside they made for the stairs.  
Going up the stairs was hard for Loki but she would not accept the help that her saviour had offered. 

When they got to his apartment door it took him a while to find the correct key, but when they did the door opened and a musty smell wafted out.  
Loki followed behind him the light flickering on with dim light bulbs that buzzed loudly.  
The goddess took in her surroundings. The place was small and dirty, and everything was covered in at least an inch of dust, the air itself smelled of dust and it made her nose burn.  
There was one table in the very tiny kitchen, it had one chair, both looked rickety and like they could break under any pressure.

The man closed the door behind Loki, locking it, her hackles rose but instead of addressing her in any way, the man simply took off his hoodie and threw it on the table, a thick plume of dust erupting into the air, making Loki sneeze.  
The man went to the sink and started washing the blood from his skin, it took a lot of scrubbing before his arms and hands were devoid of blood, when he washed his face the water got everywhere, some seeping under the counters to cause damage to the already damaged apartment. 

When he was finally done he turned the sink off and dried himself with a raggedy, dusty, towel.  
Loki scowled with distaste. The man opened the fridge and the smell of something rotting followed the cool breeze and the teens nose wrinkled under the assault.  
He still looked around in there but came up with nothing, he closed the fridge door and looked through his cabinets before coming up, once again empty handed.  
He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He put back on his hoodie, pulling the hood back up. 

“I’ll be back in 15 minutes.” he said before leaving Loki, alone. 

She sighed and looked around some more. This place obviously hadn’t been lived in, not in a while. He most likely lived somewhere better, somewhere better with someone that he hadn’t wanted to trust Loki with.  
Which she gets, she hadn’t wanted to show him where she lived either.  
Loki sat down at the table, fiddling with her fingers as she waited for him to return. 

After what felt like hours the front door opened and Loki tensed up.  
The man came in, carrying a bag of delicious smelling food, and a drink. He placed the bag and the drink down on the table, putting the drink in front of her. Her mouth filled with saliva. The man pulled out a silver wrapped thing and placed it in front of her along with a container of something that smelled like potatoes. He grabbed himself an identical silver wrapped thing and unwrapped it. He took a big bite at the sandwich that had been hidden in it’s wrappings. Loki looked down at the food offered to her, taking one of the potatoes, she sniffed it before taking a bite, it was good.  
She looked down at the “burger” as was stated on the top of it. She opened it and took a bite of the sandwich. It was greasy but not as greasy as the pizza and it too tasted good. Her mouth watered faster then she could chew and swallow. Protein and lots of salt, this will be good for getting her energy up. 

When she took a sip from the drink, the bubbles that fizzed in her mouth surprised her, it was bordering on the line of unpleasantness but it was good enough to keep drinking, sweeter than honey though.  
They ate in silence. 

The burger would be enough to get her energy up but it won’t sustain her for very long, but good thing all she has to do is get her energy up enough to reach the food she had tucked into her pocket.  
She finished up the drink as she balled up her trash, throwing it into the bag it had come from.  
She looked up at her savior, who had stayed standing throughout the meal. 

“Where’s your restroom?” she asked. 

He gestured in the direction of a door so she got up and entered the restroom. The door did not close all the way, it was a bit crooked and the hinges squeaked loudly making her cringe. When she turned on the lights, they buzzed and flickered worse then the ones out there. She avoided glancing at the mirror as she went and relieved herself but unfortunately the mirror was placed directly in front of the sink, meaning when she went to go wash her hands it was basically impossible to not see her reflection and when she saw that flash of red for just a brief second she froze and met her own eyes. 

Her breath was caught in her throat as she stared into stinging blood red eyes, the very same eyes that welled with tears, tears that looked like blood due to the red backdrop that they reflected. 

She bit her lip, her hands clasping onto the sink and cracking the frame with bloodless fingers.  
She didn’t register the pain on her lip, but she saw the fangs and the way they sunk into her blue flesh, pulling up blood that was so dark blue it was almost black.  
Her lungs burned and her abs ached from the beating they had taken today. It took Loki far too long to realize why her lungs were burning, but when her sluggishly slow brain worked it out she forced down a breath, and then another and then another but she had no control over her breathing now as they came too fast and too short.  
Her fingers cramped against the broken sink as she clamped them harder, cracking it more. She squeezed her eyes shut the tears dislodging from their homes, rolling down her cheeks but they never reached her chin, instead they froze to her skin in delicate little crystals.  
Crystals hastily brushed away by her finally free hands, but her hands did not remain free for long as she forced them into her hair, not caring for the braids that were laid out, she grabbed fistfulls of hair, pulling at her scalp tautly, the braids coming undone, strands snapping off easily in between fingers. 

Loki sobbed uncontrollably, her chest heaving and her heart tearing itself in two, yet no sound spilled out, hundreds of years on asgard had taught her to never let them hear you cry. Loki doesn’t remember sitting, but she feels the wall which should’ve felt cold, press into her back, she despertly tucks herself neatly away, her legs to her chest, her back to the wall, head in and hidden.  
A pitiful whine worked itself out of her throat with the pants of air. 

Her savior heard the whine, it sounded so much like the whine of a hurt dog that it made his heart hurt, his mind conjuring a picture of his own pitbull. 

He hurried to the bathroom, to make sure the kid was alright but now that he was closer he could hear the panting breaths coming from inside the bathroom. How he hadn’t heard it before was a mystery to him as now that’s all he could hear. 

He should’ve been more alert for her. She was 16 and she had been attacked of course she was going to have a breakdown, it seemed like she had handled him murdering those men well but now he wasn’t so certain and for a brief moment he wondered if he would only just make her panic worse, his decision was made for him when he heard the eerily familiar noise of a head meeting a wall. He opened the door to see her curled so tightly in, that she looked so tiny even though she was almost his height was a miracle. Her fingers were tugging on her hair and she looked ready to knock her head back into the wall so her Savior crouched, not too close as to frighten her but close enough that she would be able to hear and possibly see him if she were to look up. 

“Hey, kiddo, I need you to breathe, can you do that for me?” he said, his voice impossibly soft, instincts that had been long since buried coming up again with an echo of pain. 

She couldn’t hear him, her heart beat too loud in her ears  
.  
“Kid, hey kid, I need you to slow down.” he said louder, he really didn’t want to get in her space and freak her out more but when she still showed no signs of hearing him he got slightly closer, his knee’s aching.  
He was crouched just in front of her feet, he readied himself for the potential attack and tapped lightly on the top of her bare foot, a bare foot with scrapes and probably glass and god knows what else in it.  
As soon as his fingers had barely even touched her foot her head snapped up and she looked at him finally. Though she only looked for less than a second before her face shuddered and she hid it once more. Though now she seemed more here then wherever she had been before. 

The man frowned at her reaction. She must be terrified of him, it was a reaction he was used to but this stung a little, coming from a kid, and one he had just saved. 

“You’re okay, I’m not going to hurt you.” he said, backing away slightly. 

She whined at this, shaking her head against her knees. 

“I promise I’m not going to hurt you.” he said again, he needed her to know that. 

She pressed her head harder into her knee’s her hands gripping tighter in her hair. 

“Kid, can you look at me.” he asked. 

“No” she croaked, her voice harsh. She shook her head over and over again. “No,” she repeated. “They’re the eyes of monsters.” she whispered. 

To say her savior was confused and a little bit alarmed would be an understatement.

“Shit, kid. What are you talking about?” he asked. She finally looked up, red eyes stared at him with a heart breaking sort of glare. 

She snarled flashing sharp teeth but his eyes focused on the blood there, at least he thinks that’s blood. 

“I’m a monster.” she seethed hatefully. 

“I’ve seen monsters, kid, shit.” he shook his head. “You are not a monster and whoever told you that, they were full of shit.” he said. 

She looked like she wanted to spit venom, she wanted him to stop lying to her. He was lying to her, it was plain to see, though a voice in the back of her head told her otherwise. 

He needed to get her mind off this, he could tell that no matter how much he told her that she wasn’t what she thought that she would not heed him in this. 

He asked the first thing that came to mind. “You want to know my name?” he asked.  
The snarl on her face flickered as she was surprised by the question.  
“Okay.” she said after some time had passed. He nodded. 

“Frank, and you don’t have to tell me yours” he said before she could even start to wonder. 

Without her noticing her breath had returned almost completely back to normal.  
But with the panic gone from her mind, came the sadness.  
Her eyes teared up once again. She wanted her father, she wanted him to come down and tell her what’s happening, to explain why she looked like this, but more than anything she wanted her mother, her mother to come sweep her up in her arms to hug her and tell her everything would be alright, tell her that she would always love her no matter what.  
Loki eased her hands from her hair and wiped at her running nose with the back of one of her hands. Rubbing tears away as well but they returned far too quickly. 

Loki didn’t want to be here anymore, she didn’t want to be in this strange time she had woken up in, she wanted her old mom back, her old father, her old Thor, the old Thor from even before her time. The one that comforted her with ease, the one that let her share his bed when she would have nightmares. The Thor who told her that as long as he was around she would always be safe and cared for and loved. But that Thor has been gone for a long time and she is never going to see her old mom or her old father ever again. No matter how hard she wished it, they would always remain strangers to her now. 

Loki looked at Frank, his gaze was soft, a gaze she has seen reflected in Frigga’s once upon a time, before she had woken up. Her family wasn’t here and they aren’t going to come, but he’s here. So she scooted closer, he seemed to understand her intentions as he opened his arms and Loki lunged for him, grappling onto his clothes and curling her body inwards as his arms came around her in a secure hug, and she sobbed, her hands fisted in his shirt. She sobbed for what was to come and for what she had lost. She was utterly terrified, but at this second all she could do was cry as this man who was basically a stranger to her hugged her, something her own father had never done before.  
So she cried until there were no tears left in her to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary 
> 
> beginning of chapter is Clint and Tony realizing that they might have to get some truths out of Thor.  
Loki finds herself in newyork city all alone she throws up and her seidr is not within reach, the glamour that Odin had put on her is gone so she see's her jotunn form and freaks out, she hides in an alleyway from prying eyes but a group of three men enter and start to contemplate what to do, two of the men decide to use her as a punching bag but Frank comes to Loki's rescue killing two of the men but keeping one of them alive.  
Loki's hungry so Frank takes her back to his apartment where he feeds her a burger and afterwards Loki goes to the bathroom and finally has her final freak out over being blue. Frank talks her down from her panic attack and Loki thinks about how she misses her family from her era. she ends up hugging Frank and crying and that's where the chapter ends.


	12. The teams POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank all of y'all for the sweet comments, y'all are the absolute best and reading these comments help motivate me to write more. 
> 
> Thanks you!

“So, let me get this straight.” Said Tony, his face tired and cold.

The engineer rubbed his brow before letting his arms fold back in front of his arc reactor. He stared at The God of Thunder with narrowed eyes. The god having finished telling them everything he had kept quiet, things he kept quiet mind you for seemingly more for his sake then Loki’s. The god, having finished, stared aimlessly at his feet, his face the picture of shame.  
Well Tony hopes he was finished, the engineer felt like he couldn’t really trust him to have told them everything and isn’t that a sad thought. 

“So, Loki is sometimes a girl, and sometimes a boy, and this was something you found out on accident when you had walked in on crazy Loki with a set of boobs?” reaffirmed Tony.  
Thor nodded.

“And also, Loki is adopted which you had previously told us but before what you had neglected to tell us was that Loki was adopted from a whole different species of alien, a species that is sworn enemies with Asgard?” Asked Tony. 

Thor nodded again and Tony absolutely blew up. 

“And you are seriously telling us that you thought the best way to go was to not tell anyone! Is your skull really that thick?!?!” Tony yelled, throwing his arms around wildly. 

At his exclamation the room fell silent. Everybody in their own heads, thinking on everything they had just learned. Thor stared at the floor, closely resembling a kicked puppy. Tony wont allow himself to feel bad, not when Thor had brought this on himself like he did. 

Tony rubbed his face again, working on just cooling the anger in him. 

Bruce took off his glasses, going to rub his nose like Tony. he spoke for the first time since they had all gotten back from the fight. He still looked tired from the Hulk out he had done during the battle.  
“Jarvis, how’s Loki doing?” He asked the AI. 

“Miss Loki’s vitals are stable and it seems as if she is curled up in a ball. She has not moved her position since she assumed it.” chimed the british voice. 

Tony frowned, it’s been at least 30 minutes. That was kind of a long time to keep one position for.  
He pulled out his phone and pulled up Loki’s vitals.  
Everything looked normal, nothing showed any signs of panic or of anything really being amiss, well that’s until he saw her body temp.  
He frowned even harder. Her body temp was at 73, however before he raised any alarms he checked what her average body temp was and his eyebrows shot up.  
73 was 5 degrees higher than her normal body temp. With some more checks he found out that that was the exact temperature in the bathroom, she was literally room temp. Something didn’t feel right about that. So distractedly he left the room, ignoring the others. 

“Jarvis, unlock the bathroom door. I’m going to check on Loki.” He said, not really listening for an answer from his AI. 

It made sense that her body temp was so low, what with their newly acquired knowledge of the teens heritage. It’s the fact that nobody ever got close enough to her for them to notice is what worried him. Had they really all been avoiding getting close to her, so much that none of them even knew she ran colder than average. 

He got to the bathroom door that hid Loki, and he knocked lightly on it before entering. He spotted her curled in a ball like Jarvis said she was.  
“Loki?” he called out and he got no response. He crouched down in front of her, reaching out to nudge her, except his hand went right through her leg and before he could even react she was dissolving into a plume of green mist.  
He flinched back with a curse, a chill running up his spine and then it hit him. She was gone. 

“Jarvis, where’s Loki?” he asked in a building panic. How could she be just gone?  
It took a second for the AI to answer, and Tony knew that Jarvis had just checked every little crevice in the tower. 

“It appears that she’s not in the tower.” Jarvis sounded slightly worried. 

“Shit, Jarvis I need you to check every security camera surrounding the tower and if you can’t find her that way check every camera in New York.” Said Tony, hurrying back to the others. 

Tony pocketed his phone and explained to the others what was going on. After the explanation came the waiting. Barton left to deal with the waiting alone. Natasha watched him go but she stayed exactly where she was.  
It took an hour before Jarvis had located Loki.  
He had found a security camera in Hells Kitchen that showed her popping up out of nowhere, it was in grayscale but you could see that there was something off about her skin, it looked darker then it should. They watched the footage from the camera’s. She had popped up, landing on her hands and knees where she proceeded to throw up half digested food everywhere. When she was done she had sat up only to catch sight of her hand and start freaking out.  
Tony frowned, why was she freaking out… oh shit, right her skin was the wrong color on the grayscale. Thor while spilling the beans had to take a quick detour to tell them about Frost giants, as they had no context. He had told them that a frost giant was blue.  
So Loki was blue and now she knew.  
They watched her back herself into the alley where they lost visual, and then about 3 minutes later three guys went into the alley. Followed shortly by a fourth man, though this one wore a hoodie blocking himself from view. A while passed before Loki and the fourth man left the alley, the fourth man faced the camera for half a second but it was long enough for Tony to freeze the frame and blow it up. He looked somewhat familiar to the engineer but before he could ask Jarvis. Natasha chimed in. 

“That’s Frank Castle, aka The Punisher.” She said. Shit, Tony knew all about him. 

“Jarvis, find me Frank Castle.” Tony said urgently, he needed to get Loki away from him as quickly as possible. 

So the AI tracked the two of them until the camera’s ran out, but now equipped with a general idea on where they were Jarvis managed to find an apartment under the name Pete Castiglione that was in the direction they had been walking.  
There were pictures and videos of Pete Castiglione and his face when ran through Jarvis’s software was found to be an exact match to Frank Castle’s.  
The AI gave the address to Tony and the engineer suited back up and took off to go save their resident teen goddess. 

Natasha doubted that Loki really needed saving, from all that she knew of Castle she knew that he wouldn’t hurt a kid, alien or otherwise. She left the room and with some help from Jarvis found Clint in the kitchen. He was leaning back against a counter, his arms crossed and his head bowed as he stared at the floor with a frown on his face.  
Natasha settled next to him, close enough to be friendly but not so close that their skin touched.  
Casual touch was not her strong suit, and it was not something she was overly fond of. 

“This needs to stop.” she said breaking their companionable silence.  
He heaved a sigh but said nothing in return.  
She looked over to him, her red hair catching the evening light. 

“I don’t trust Loki, you don’t trust Loki, but nobody’s saying you have to trust her, you just need to treat her better.” she said watching him for a reaction. “We all do.”

“She’s just a teenager and she’s not like how she was… before. You see it, I see it, it’s glaringly obvious.” Natasha reached out placing a hand awkwardly onto his shoulder. Casual touch was something that went unpracticed for her, but she didn’t let her hand fall away just yet, not till she knew he had gotten her point.  
“She’s just a scared kid now, and she should get to have a second chance, like we all did.” She said and it wasn’t just for Clint’s benefit. This time when Clint sighed it felt like he was giving in. 

“I know.” he said finally looking over at Natasha. She let her hand fall away. “But it’s not going to be easy Tash.” he said, and this time it was her turn to sigh. She looked away with a small rueful smile. “I know.” 

Bruce put his glasses back on and looked over at Thor.  
“Thor, from now on you have to stop with the secrets,” he told the god. Thor nodded in agreement. 

“The fact that Loki ran says everything on how safe she felt here.” Said Steve speaking his thoughts.

He tore his gaze off of the still frame of Loki leaving the alley with The Punisher. He looked at the both of them. 

“We need to do better.” He said. 

“She’s living here and whether we like it or not that means she’s a part of the team now.” He said.  
Bruce nodded. 

“Aye” Thor agreed, speaking for the first time since telling them the secrets he had kept. “Aye, I will keep no more secrets, I have seen the damage they have done.” he said. He sighed. “I just hope it’s not too late for Loki.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah a pretty tame chapter, though that's probably just because Loki's not in it. Sorry for those who wanted more Loki.  
will be uploading next chapter soon-ish though and the next chapter will once again be filled with all the Loki angst.


	13. Got a secret can you keep it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki POV.  
Trigger warnings for: torture, internalized racism, and anxiety.
> 
> \+ for the beginning and ending of torture scene.

For at least the last 30 minutes Frank has been cradling Loki close to his body.  
She hadn’t made any move to let go, in fact her grip on his shirt was just as strong as when she had first clutched on, and the tears were still flowing freely from her eyes, though at least those had lessened somewhat. 

Because of the position they were in, Frank's back was starting to ache but he was used to pain so he did what he was good at and ignored it.  
The little sniffles coming from the teen that made his heart break were coming to an end.

Loki’s eyes drooping from where they were staring over the man's shoulder.  
They stung with pain from how much crying she had done but despite the pain she felt a great relief wash over her. Bottled up emotions finally having released out into the open and replacing all of the negative came a bone deep tiredness that was weighing her down in Frank’s arms.  
Arms that were heavy and warm on her cold skin, the contact had stopped feeling significant about 10 minutes ago but it still felt good so regretfully she pushed herself away from him, his arms falling away.  
She tiredly fixed her eyes on the damp spot on his shoulder that she had cried into his shirt. 

Frank watched her blink sluggishly. Kid could probably do with a nap, especially after everything she’s gone through today. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her up along with him as he stood. Her legs shook under her weight and he realized that letting her walk by herself was not really an option so he swept her up into his arms, she didn’t even complain which was evidence enough to how drained she was.  
He frowned slightly, it creasing between his brows. She was both lighter and heavier than he had expected.  
He carried her out of the bathroom and set her down briefly so he could assess the dust issue on his old bed.  
When the dust was unsettled into the air she sneezed, watching him shake everything out and when he was done she got into the bed, collapsing into it.  
She stared at him with narrowed eyes, her face tilted against the pillow. She didn’t really trust him enough to sleep with him watching over her, but even with her sense of unease in his presence though sleep won over her stubborn trust issues. Her eyes falling shut as her breathing evened out. Frank pulled the blanket over her and sat waiting for whenever she would wake up again. He was a very patient man. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Loki blinked open her eyes and her stomach dropped when she saw where she was.  
It was the cell in her nightmares. She wanted to close her eyes again, hope that when she opened them again she would be back in Frank’s flat. Butt like all the other times she had no control of what this body did. This body's lungs would not fill all the way, every single time it was stopped by a sharp pain coursing through their body, through her body.  
Her whole body hurt even her fingernails and teeth throbbed with a dull ache. Dull in contrast to everything else, she could feel the heat of infection in her blood, she could smell the rot of festering wounds. She seriously doubts any wound on her body had been properly cleaned at all. 

She wanted to sigh because with everything that’s happened of course they wouldn’t actually care for any infections, that thought made her want to laugh, she’s thinking as if this is all real.

She took stock of all the injuries she could feel and discovered something curious. This was the wrong body. Well it was still her body just the wrong gender, she could feel the distinct lack of weight on her chest and the way her legs were laid just ever so differently to make room for something that shouldn’t be there, now none of that was really odd, what was odd was the lack of it feeling wrong and the lack of seidr trying to force her out of this shape. She carefully took note of this weird update. 

She felt her eyes flit up just in time to catch the guards making their move towards the cell door.  
And like last time they came over hauling her up by her armpits and dragging her out of the room. Her legs didn’t even move and the tops of her feet were scraped up against the floor.  
They dragged her to the same familiar room, the one with all the watchful Aesir, and like last time there was a person singled out from everyone, to be her torturer this evening. Except suddenly she couldn’t feel the heat of her infections anymore as her stomach dropped and her blood froze her face paling more than what the infection had caused. The Aesir citizen singled out from the crowd was a boy, he was holding a well crafted knife and was nervously searching the crowd with bloodshot eyes.  
He couldn’t have been older than the midgardian equivalent of 14. Barely just younger than her.  
Almost old enough to go to battle though. 

Finally the boys eyes locked onto someone in the audience and when Loki’s eyes followed his she saw the woman from before, the one who had whipped her. She was in the audience watching her boy a blank look on her face and Loki wanted to spit at her. The boy looked back at Loki uncertainly and Loki felt her cold face crack with a smile, blood weeping anew from her lips which she now discovered had been sewn shut. 

The boy gulped and Loki was determined not to let this kid know the pain he was about to cause her so she clenched her teeth and tried the hardest she’s ever tried not to scream. Even as his blade slipped against her eye socket as his hands shook, snot and tears running down his face.  
Loki hopes he doesn’t throw up on her. Though it would certainly be a surprise as when his knife slides into the other side of her face she could no longer see anything. When the kid is done he drops the knife and Loki can hear him retching further away from her. She hears the footsteps from the guards and one of them ties a rag around her head. Covering the new holes in her head with the simple cloth her nerves screaming against the fabric. She’s dragged back to her cell and she’s tossed in unceremoniously. her body curls up on the floor ignoring the pain from it’s back and it doesn’t make a sound. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Loki woke up shaking and sweating, she frowned slightly as she realized that the dream is not what woke her up, something felt distinctly off in the air.  
She searched the room until she found exactly what was off. There was a man made of red and gold metal holding back Frank, Frank who had a bloody lip which most certainly had not been there before. 

The man of metal, shit, it’s Anthony.  
There is only one logical reason he would be here and that would be to fetch her. 

Adrenaline made her quick when she shot out of bed and in-between the two men.  
She pried the metal arm from where it had been holding Frank at bay with strong cold fingers. 

“Stop it, please.” She said facing Anthony. 

After she spoke and after the please had past her lips, the arm responded, lowering slowly with a whirr. There was a click and the mask lifted, letting her face Anthony properly. 

“Loki, it’s time to go.” He said coldly,  
glancing at Frank and directing that iciness at him. 

Loki reflexively followed his glance to Frank, meeting the man's eyes for less than a second before quickly looking away and focusing her eyes back onto Anthony.

Anthony sensing the teens eyes on him turned his eyes back to her, and similarly to Anthony she could sense Frank’s eyes burning into the back of her head. From her brief glance she could tell that he mainly just looked very confused.  
Loki focused her eyes on Anthony’s forehead and shifted uncomfortably. His forehead looked a bit red and sweaty. 

Loki sighed, she gave a tight nod to Anthony and his metal arm wrapped around her middle in response. The metal locked into place, holding her tightly so she couldn't slip at all. She reached up and wrapped her arms around his metal covered neck. She spared Frank one last look. 

“Sorry.” She muttered, saying sorry for imposing for so long and sorry for the split lip that Anthony had created that she had inadvertently prompted, but Frank said nothing in return.  
Loki sighed, turning her face into Anthony’s metal shielded shoulders, she locked her muscles and he took off out the window he had broken with his arrival. 

When they touched down on the landing pad Anthony let go of the teen and she made her way inside, not waiting for the engineer’s armor to be disengaged and taken apart.  
When she entered the tower she was immediately swarmed by all of its residents. All of them concerned and all of them talking over each other, asking questions that she couldn’t hear fully. She staggered back when they all started to close in, a shiver ran down her body as images were conjured of her recent nightmare. 

All of the concern they were throwing at her was honestly baffling and a bit scary.  
Thankfully no one made any moves to actually touch Loki because if they had they would’ve only been met with panicked hostility.

Anthony entered behind her with his own questions and Loki looked between everyone in a panic. Dr Banner seeing this sent everyone a look a look that said “calm the fuck down.” and they all obliged, Captain looking bashful. 

After a few seconds of calm Loki contained her panic and quickly searched the crowd for the blonde behemoth that called himself her brother. She locked eyes onto him, though she made sure not to meet his eyes with her own, instead she stared at his dark blonde beard. She was angry, it came on rather suddenly, with a force that knocked the air out of her lungs, and made her blood practically boil. He wasn’t looking at her any differently. She had blue skin and was a girl yet he looked at her just the same as before, there was no grimace to be seen, no sign of disgust to sense. Nothing that he should be feeling was there, well except for a tiny bit of unease, but there was no hatred not even confusion. There were absolutely no reactions that should’ve been there had he not known, which means he had already known and that thought made her she seethe. With her nostrils flaring and her eyes narrowing Loki approached Thor, her steps deceptively calm. 

“Sister,” He said happily in greeting but before he could utter another word, Loki’s hand fisted in the collar of his shirt, the black blood in her veins leaving her fingers. They should’ve turned white. 

She bared her teeth at him pulling him down to eye level where she finally met his blue eyes with her own red ones, searching them for something she had perhaps not seen as she snarled. 

“Why?” she ground out between clenched teeth. She didn’t know what to say, she didn’t know how to say it, how to accuse him as this feeling of betrayal thrummed away inside her skull. 

“How?” she tried again but once again but no more words could be forced out through that question. 

“You know something…” she seethed finally spitting it out. 

The god of thunder was staring at her with wide eyes and all of the others had fallen completely silent all watching with alarm at the proceedings in front of them, their hands twitching for their weapons. 

Loki, having glanced at them wanted to laugh. Them, frightened of her, what a twist. 

“TELL ME!” she screamed in Thor’s face when he made no move to answer her question. Spittle flew and everyone flinched. 

Thor unbent himself, and carefully extracted Loki’s frozen grip from his shirt.  
As soon as the fabric was loose Loki’s fist closed in on itself. Sharp nails bit into her palm. 

Thor looked lost and heart broken, her world was crumbling around her and he had the nerve to look like that. She wrenched her wrist from his soft grip stepping back and cradling her warmed wrist to her chest,  
angleing herself away in case she needed to run. 

Thor frowned, steeling himself as he began to open his mouth but before a single sound could past his lips Loki was interrupting him. 

“Don’t you dare lie to me!” she screamed in his face, her voice quickly growing hoarse as desperation colored her tone. 

Thor was the one to break their eye contact, he looked off to the side.

“Sister, let’s talk in private.” He said.

He turned away from her. “I think I have a lot to tell you.” he said regretfully, and with that he walked, trusting her to follow him, and that only made her want to scream more, made her want to cry, made her want to break something, to break him, make something feel like how she felt in his moment. 

But she did what she does best and she tamped down her emotions till they're no longer visible and she followed the golden boy, it was the only option she had if she wanted to know the truth. She was good at following Thor, being his shadow for so long made her perfect at it. 

He led her to her room. He looked around, expecting to see a sliver of Loki’s personality building in the room but there was nothing, the only thing that would suggest someone had been living here at all was the way the sheets and blankets were rumpled. 

He sighed and sat down on said rumpled sheets without Loki’s permission, and Loki well she decided it would be best to keep standing.  
She would not lower herself, not right now, not when running was still an option. 

She studied Thor. He looked miserable, like he was about to tell her mom had died.

She had to choke her hysterical laugh before it could even fully build in her throat. 

Thor’s eyes darted around the room, looking desperately for somewhere to look that wasn’t Loki, but finding nothing he finally settled his eyes on the impatient form of the teen goddess. 

He sighed, she looked so broken, so hurt and so foriegn to him. The blue of her skin and the red of her eyes made him feel wary, a feeling that was ingrained into his being from a young age a feeling he did not want to feel for his own sister. 

“Loki, I… uh.” He began not knowing where to start, he cleared his throat. 

With the sound of the false start Loki lost all of her quickly diminishing patience.

“Tell me.” She yelled, making the god of thunder himself wince at the volume, her voice echoing in the air, sounding like broken shards of glass. 

“You’re adopted.” he blurted out without thought and he immediately regretted it.

Loki froze, her face falling and her lungs stuttering in her chest. The air went cold around her as she stared at him. It was a declaration that wasn’t as unexpected as she would’ve liked. 

She had used to wonder if she was adopted, her hair had been black when all of her family had blonde hair, her eyes green and her skin pale when all of her family had blue eyes and naturally sun kissed skin, but she had never imagined that she could be a whole different species, let alone the monsters Asgard had taught her to fear, that her own mother and father had taught her to fear, how fucked up was that.  
Yet when she had found herself blue she had still some hope, hope that was absolutely dashed. 

Air escaped her stuttering lungs in a question. “What?” she said it so softly it was barely louder than a butterfly’s flapping wings. 

Thor stared at her with wide regretful eyes. He regretted the words before they had even fully formed in his throat but it was too late now and so he clenched his eyes shut tight and forged ahead. 

His mouth suddenly dry, he croaked out. “You’re a fro… Jotunn, Odin, he found you, abandoned, a runt, a baby left in the snow to die. So he took you and he cloaked you and he gave me a baby sibling, and gave our mother, a child to dote over and to love.” Said Thor. 

Through Loki’s throat a strangled noise was released, it sounded like something dying, maybe it was her soul, if she even had one.

“You knew?” she asked him, her voice trembling. 

Thor shook his head violently. “No no no, I didn’t, well I found out recently, it was an accident because I don’t think Odin had ever planned to tell anyone, I only found out because of an accident.” he said and Loki’s mind swirled numbly. 

“That’s not it, is it?” she choked out. 

She really wished it was, that that was the only life altering thing she needed to learn but she could tell that wasn’t it because that didn’t explain everything. 

Thor sighed, rubbing his beard. “No, no it’s not.” he said and Loki’s heart still dropped, she shook herself and looked him in the eyes. 

“Tell me.” she said and she wished that she hadn’t said that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I'm so mean to Loki, I just keep piling on the angst.  
Thank you guys so much for the very kind comments, I really appreciate y'all. Keeps me going.


	14. someone's gonna need to replace their mirror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm Back! Trigger warning for Self Harm (somewhat unintentional) best to skip whole chapter if that will bother you.  
chapter summary at end notes.

Loki stared at the reflection of herself in the mirror.  
After Thor had finished his explanation for everything, Loki had numbly retreated to the bathroom, making sure to keep just enough awareness with her to click the lock shut, wanting the privacy that was guaranteed in here. As soon as her hand fell to her side that previous awareness drained from her, and she couldn't help but lock eyes with the bit of herself she could see in the mirror from her position, something in the back of her mind urged her to walk closer, to get closer to her reflection, and on autopilot her legs carried her the distance, only coming to an abrupt stop when her stomach touched the porcelain sink. she should feel the cold seeping in but she didn't for many reasons. 

Not a word has even been whispered into this silence, not even Jarvis dared to make a peep. the silence felt delicate and crushing at the same time and Loki wasn't sure if she welcomed it or not, but either way she didn't want to break the silence because then it would leave jagged edges waiting to make her bleed.

Her eyes stared back at her in the mirror and she couldn't help but stare with a morbid sense of fascination, logic told her that those eyes were her own, but her mind warred against that because how can they be hers, her eyes are green, have been for as long as she can remember, but now as she stared into them she could see how they were just as red as the blood that used to run through her veins, blood that has been replaced by a black sludge.  
She curled her fingers into the sink, the smooth surface creaking under her hands, little fissures beginning to spread like cobwebs. she tore her fingers away not wanting to damage it anymore then she already had, she instead transferred her hands to the next viable option, her hair. black nails bit into her scalp, fingers curling around the braids tightly, she could hear the strands of her hair snapping in her grip as the braids were forced to become looser. the snapping sounded like explosions in the silence and she was right. The silence, now broken was on a quest to make her hurt. her breathing was loud and shaky and her heart was beating like drums in her ears.  
Her skin started to vibrate as a manic energy seeped into her exhausted muscles.  
She tore at her hair until the braids were forced down, strands decorating the sink along with haphazardly tossed accessories.

Only one braid remained and when Loki's fingers brushed up against it, ready to tear it down, her fingers stopped and her breath froze in her chest with a stutter. She could feel her mother's seidr still humming away in the strands of gold hair and Loki just couldn't bring herself to get rid of it, afraid her fingers would taint it she threw her hands down at the sink. The fissures growing longer with the impact but this time she couldn't bring herself to care.  
She leaned closer into the mirror and sneered at the reflection that greeted her, pointed teeth flashing against black gums. 

All of those years that Frigga and Odin called her their child came back to her, all those memories of each time Loki felt the lie hidden there, all of the times she had brushed it off, thinking it was nothing but her mind playing a trick on her, all of those memories were flashing through her mind, lies being revealed far to late in her life, twice over.  
It all served as proof to how blind she had been. Though over the years that lie had lessened from Frigga until it had completely dissipated but Odin, for as long as Loki could remember Odin had never meant it and still doesn't mean it.  
'Their child', what a joke... Wait, child, holy shit. They, Asgard had let a Child torture her, had made a Child torture her. Knowing now that that was all real made her want to throw up. That poor child who would never look at their hands the same way ever again. 

phantom pains flashed behind her eyes and she clenched her jaw at the drop in her stomach.  
the teen forcibly refocused her attention to her reflection, anger bubbling in her gut. She wonders what she had looked like, when she was older, when she was a monster for this planet.  
Had she been tanner, paler, how much taller? did she ever grow into her body, grow more muscular, grow curvier? was her skin soft or hard, hair, long or short? had she ever grown out of her curls? did she ever learn how to lie with her eyes, how many new scars did her older body have, knowing herself she had probably stopped counting.  
but what scars had faded and which stayed and did she ever get any tattoo's? she'd always wanted tattoo's, but Thor hadn't ever wanted any and she did not want to potentially stand out against him in a bad way, Norns know she's been able to stand out against him all by herself. she had always looked so different from everyone in Asgard and now she knew why.

the face she stared at was the face of an impostor. the one she had always known was actually the mask, and isn't it funny that she worked so hard to mask herself when really she had already been wearing one all along, maybe that's why the new mask hadn't come easy to her. 

the corners of her mouth curled into a crude sort of imitation of a smile, and like a viper she struck, her fist colliding with the image of herself.  
Shards fell, twinkling to the floor, some landed in the sink, only to reflect her again, so with her hand still held loosely in a fist, she moved back, stepping on a few shards but paying as little mind to that as she did for the shards stuck in her knuckles.  
Loki crouched, her knee's bending easily, leaving her hovering just slightly over the floor, not fully sitting, not yet.  
she dropped her arms onto her knees and finally uncurled her fist, black blood dripping to the floor, distorting and marring the images reflected on the few shards around her.  
she bowed her head, hair as black as her blood falling like a curtain keeping her hidden from the world or keeping the world hidden from her.  
Loki only closed her eyes for half a second, or at least what felt like half a second but she was proven wrong in that assumption because when she opened them again she came face to face with Dr Banner. she looked away quickly to study the floor, mentally brushing away the sudden change of scenery. she didn't have enough energy to move but even though her eyes begged for her to close them she resisted, fearing the dark that would bring, and the dreams that now held a whole knew meaning. so with a sigh she kept them open, opting, instead to just stare aimlessly at nothing.

AVENGERS POV

"what is wrong with her?" asked Thor from his exile behind the door frame. 

Natasha was blocking him entrance at the previous request of Dr Banner. Thor would just get in the way, and Bruce hadn't been certain at the time of what was going to greet him when he opened the bathroom door and he didn't want to risk Thor loosing it, but after seeing the state of Loki, and the state of the bathroom he had gotten Tony, who had been wearing his armor, to pick her up and set her against the bed.

Now the Doctor, though he wasn't that type of doctor, was plucking shards of mirror from Loki's right knuckle. He didn't answer Thor right away, instead opting to remove the last couple of shards from Loki's hand before answering, absentmindedly gathering ointment and gauze in his hands.

"I believe that she is just in shock." said Bruce, he slathered antibacterial ointment on the cuts softly before wrapping her hand up.  
He carefully tucked her hand onto her lap and shifted his attention and equipment to her feet. He lifted one of her feet and placed it on his lap. Loki's soles were quite disgusting and reminded him that she had not been wearing shoes when she had gotten back from the outdoors. 

He started wiping her foot down with disinfectant and hoped that her healing would be enough to keep away any infections, or at least any serious ones. 

Tony was stood off to the side, his armor just behind him standing to attention. the Engineer didn't know what to do now that he had helped as much as he could, so he picked up a blanket from Loki's bed and gently placed it over her shoulders. his hands twitched at his side and he re-positioned the blanket. 

Her blue skin was bitingly cold against his skin but not painfully so, but the way Loki was just staring at nothing was unnerving and it was making him feel anxious so he picked at the blanket once again, shifting it higher so it covered some of her exposed neck.  
Bruce sighed, stopping what he was doing, he glanced up at the nervous engineer. 

"Tony, I know you are worried, but you should go down to the lab, get out some of that nervous energy. I can handle Loki by myself." Said Bruce, pushing his glasses up his nose bridge with the back of his gloved and bloody hand. 

Tony blinked owlishly at Loki then at Bruce, before sighing and leaving in a hurry, like if he didn't leave fast enough he wouldn't leave at all. He brushed past Natasha and Thor, though Natasha didn't even tear her eyes off of Thor for even a second, just encase he tried to wedge his way into the room. She has a feeling that even with Loki in this catatonic state that the teen would not take to kindly to Thor's presence right now. 

"Will Loki be okay?" asked Thor.

"I don't know. Physically she will be fine, nothing but some superficial cuts, she'll heal quickly, but mentally? I don't know." Bruce said with a sigh. he picked the last bit of debri from Loki's right foot, and bandaged it up. He switched feet, the skin had more then just mirror slivers in it, it had some particularly sharp pebbles, and what looks like beer bottle shards. though her skin was thick so it wasn't too deep, nothing needed stitches which was very good.

"I suppose we'll find out eventually." He added. 

This foot was less of a mess then the other so he finished quickly, finishing by wrapping it up in the last of the bandages.  
He tucked her feet softly against the ground, careful of where he knew the more painful wounds were.  
He discarded his gloves and collected all of his supplies, putting them away. 

"Natasha, can you put Loki in her bed?" Asked Bruce, absently as he cleaned. 

at the sound of her name Natasha tore her gaze off of Thor, looking back at the scientist and the little goddess. She glanced back at Thor for one last wary look and broke away from her vigil. She walked steadily over to Loki, only hesitating for half a second before leaning down and hooking Loki's arms around her own neck. the teen was eerily pose-able.  
Natasha wrapped her arms around the teens waist and hoisted the girl up. she was a lot lighter then Natasha had been expecting despite the fact that she was good 8 inches taller then the assassin but the light weight of Loki made it easier for her to position the girl into the bed behind her.  
She pulled the covers over the teen and hesitated for a moment. her hand twitching at her side, she reached out to brush a strand of Loki's hair out of her face but froze, her fingers twitching about half an inch away, the red head gulped before quickly finishing the act, brushing the strand hair behind the teens ear, she quickly stood straight back up. sending Bruce one last glance she left the room, brushing past Thor lightly. 

Loki shifted a bit on the bed, registering the new surface and she curled onto her side, and stared at the wall instead of the floor.

Once Bruce had collected everything he also made his exit. Thor was the only one left, and he hesitated at the doorway. Loki was facing away from him and though he knew that his sister was still awake and Thor debated on whether or not to stay, if his presence would even be welcomed. He didn't want to leave though, the best he could do is stay, and not abandon his sister in her moment of vulnerability and need, not like he had all of those times before.  
So the god of thunder entered finally, he sat himself hesitantly down on the bit of free bed and prepared himself for a long wait, he wouldn't leave Loki for any reason, the only thing that could get him to move is Loki herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki deals with the emotional mess of finding out everything, she punches a mirror and becomes somewhat catatonic, Natasha, Tony and Bruce are all concerned and Thor is working on it but it's hopeful.


	15. Blue skies smilin at me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> besides dealing with some after effects of the emotional mess of the last chapter this chapter is trigger warning free. wow!

The days after the 'incident' all Loki would do is occasionally go to the bathroom, the bathroom which now lacked a mirror, or Loki would simply sigh. Sleep has been tricky and evasive, and even being a trickster godx Loki could not capture the ever evasive peace of that sleep. Sleep occasionally came but it would leave quickly while leaving Loki shaking and worse off than before.  
The only comfort Loki has managed to keep comes with the presence of some of the Avengers.

Natasha would occasionally sit by Loki's bed and read, though she did not read out loud, Loki thinks that maybe it was meant to be a challenge for them, to get them to speak but Loki didn't mind the silence, and company no matter how silent was enough to bring comfort. 

Anthony would come in and he would rant about tech stuff, things Loki could understand if they put in the effort but they didn't, the nonsense babble filled the silence and that was just as comforting as Natasha's silence, Loki thinks that if Anthony were to come in silent that it would be uneasy so babble was fine.

Occasionally Dr Banner would come in, but he would fidget slightly before coming in and then he would busy himself by checking on Loki's wounds and vitals. the last time he had come in he had left with the godx's bandages in the trash. 

On the fourth day of nothing from the teen Thor was growing restless and antsy, though that eased when he was contacted by Heimdall, requesting his presence in Asgard.  
Probably to check in with Odin and his mother. receiving this request did ease some of his restlessness, but it also caused him to feel a little guilty and a little worried as well, anxiety about leaving Loki here made him gain a new type of restlessness.  
Thor had expected for this day to come any time now and even though he had expected it he felt like it couldn't have come at a worse time.  
He wonders idly if Heimdall had told Odin about the 'incident'  
Thor knowing that he was expected soon decided the best course of action was to go check in on Loki, he couldn't leave without telling them.  
Thor knocked lightly on the bedroom door, it was cracked open but he remembered Loki scolding him for barging in. he smiled ruefully to himself. 

"Come in." Called out Natasha. 

Thor peaked in, she was sat by the bed, a book opened halfway through its pages in her lap. He opened the door fully and the redhead glanced up from the pages. Loki was in the growingly familiar position on the bed, except this time Loki was facing the door instead of the wall and this lightened Thor's heart, because this was an improvement.  
The god of thunder walked further into the room, greeting the assassin silently. he knelt down against the edge of the bed until he was eye level with Loki, though he knew the teen wasn't really looking at him.  
Natasha sensing that she was not needed or wanted for this wordlessly put the book down on the bedside table and left, closing the door behind her though she did not go far.

Thor leaned against the bed and sighed. "Heimdall has requested my presence in Asgard." He said and he could see Loki's eyes snap into focus, and their hands flex against the bedding, the biggest response anyone has gotten from the teen. The godx licked their dry lips and spoke 

“For how long?” They croaked.

Thor internally rejoiced but did his best to keep his cool so as not to spook Loki into inaction once again.  
The god of thunder softly cleared his throat tamping down the volume of glee that wanted to come out. 

“I am not certain.” He said, his voice cracking slightly. Loki blinked before rolling onto their back and staring up at the ceiling they let out a sigh and a blink, they began to heave themself up into a seated though albeit very slouched, position. 

“I have a request of you.” Loki croaked, their brain worked sluggishly, trying to shake the tiredness of no sleep from themself. 

“Of course, anything.” Said Thor, like an excited puppy. Thor’s energy made Loki feel even more exhausted. 

“Bring me back, some tea, m-Frigga should know which, and a book from the library that should be listed as...” Loki wracked their brain for the memory of this book that they had only seen once. It took some time but eventually they managed to drag a fragment of the memory up from the sludge that was their mind. 

“World, walking.” They managed Thor nodded easily. 

“Of course.” He said, he hesitated briefly before reaching forward slowly so as not to spook Loki, he grasped the back of the teen’s neck and pressed their foreheads together, Thor's eyes fluttering shut. 

Loki felt something within themself stutter at the way Thor had so easily done a gesture so full of love and familiarity.  
The teens eyes bounced frantically over Thor’s face, trying to read him, their shoulders bunched up as high as their ears as Thor’s warmth practically burned through them, but Loki saw how calm Thor’s face was and how easy this was for him and they knew that Thor would not let go till they truly wanted him to.  
Loki’s tension drained from their body, their eyes falling shut as well their own shaky hand coming up to clasp the back of Thor’s neck as well. 

They spent what felt like an eternity like this, and when Thor reluctantly pulled away his eyes blinking open they shone with unshed tears.  
He smiled a rueful smile squeezing the back of Loki’s neck one last time before withdrawing, Loki blinked open their eyes, their eyes just as glassy as Thor’s, they withdrew their hand, placing it down into their lap. Thor cleared his throat and wiped his eyes as discreetly as he possibly could, he gave Loki a nod before leaving. 

It took a few seconds before Natasha re-entered and though she obviously took note of Loki’s change of position and consciousness she did not mention it, which Loki was very grateful for. 

The woman settled back into her chair, picking back up her book, she set to start reading quietly just to herself again.  
Loki lowered themself back down till they were once again lying on their side, though they looked at Natasha this time, their hands softly tapping against the sheets of the bed.  
Loki sighed, their tongue darting out to wet their lips again.

“Please, can you read out loud?” they asked the redhead and without even glancing Natasha turned the page of the book back to the beginning, licking her own lips she began reading out loud.  
Her voice soothed Loki and eventually after a while lulled them finally into sleep, their mind blessedly silent for Natasha’s voice. They slept peacefully, without nightmares and without waking even once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are very slowly but surely getting better.


	16. ooooooh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Barely alive over here, how y'all doin?   
shit's real shitty, mental health is really at a zero right now.  
anyway enough with me being depressed.   
there isn't really any warnings for this chapter, just like keep in mind the tags and you'll be fine for the whole story anyways.   
comments give me life, y'all.   
plus I will be trying to actually answer comments because my social skills are severely down and my social anxiety is having the greatest time being completely reinstated.   
I do read all of the comments though and the shit y'all say makes me smile so big like ugh my heart.   
I hope y'all enjoy this chapter cus I was not crazy about writing it, hence the long ass wait.   
much love!

It took Loki two days to build enough courage to leave their room and it took one of those days to scavenge for the will to actually do it. 

The day before had been the last day the Avengers made a habit of keeping Loki company, and this day, when all of them had failed to show up before mid afternoon, Loki had inquired as to why that is.   
Jarvis had informed them that it was because Stark had yet to have left his lab, Natasha and Barton had been called away by Shield and Captain Rogers and Dr Banner were currently out in the city somewhere.   
Loki was not saddened by this news, in fact, that would mean Loki was essentially all alone in the tower, besides Stark of course but it was hardly like he counted seeing as he was holed up in his lab. 

With the news of being alone the will that Loki had been scavenging for came a lot easier then before. 

Loki peeled back their sheets, sliding out of the bed, when they stood two things happened simultaneously, a green shimmer encased his body for barely a second as his body went through the necessary changes it wanted to do, and the second thing to happen was that his stomach gurgled and cramped, it's desperate plea for food. 

He has not eaten in a while, not since the food he had had with Frank, though the general resting he had done since then had done its job on replenishing his seidr well enough.   
there was still the little bit that was taking its sweet time to replenish, but Loki was sure getting some food into himself would help tremendously with that. 

With a destination in mind he left his room. it was good to get out, the air in his room had long since turned stale and musty with anxiety and maybe sweat, he wasn't quite sure that he could sweat in this body. Getting out of the room meant fresh air, or as fresh as he could get while still being behind 4 walls.   
when he got into the elevator he shook himself out, like it would shed some of the anxiety and depression that hung around him but of course it didn't work that way, if only it did. 

the endless pit in Loki's stomach complained loudly and he resisted the urge to talk to it, that would, perhaps, be a sign of insanity and that was not something he wanted to start projecting from himself, though things would be easier if he was insane, because if he was insane that would mean none of this had been real and wouldn't that be nice.

When the teen stopped off at the level with the kitchen he beelined for the fridge as soon as the doors had slid open.   
Opening the fridge up a cold gust of air blew into his face and he couldn’t help but relax into it as he stared at the contents of the cold box.   
There was a lot of food in the fridge yet he couldn’t figure out what to eat, a mixture of apprehension and the general lack of knowledge he had of any of the food stopped him from picking anything out.  
He must’ve been staring for a long time because Jarvis thought to chime in with a suggestion. 

“If I may, there is a container of leftover food from last night to your right.” said the British voice. 

Loki taking this advice looked to where Jarvis had instructed, he spotted a little white box he grabbed it and closed the fridge up.   
Peering into the contents of the container he wasn’t sure exactly what he was looking at, only know the separate ingredients but not recognizing in what way they were prepared.   
Loki set the open container on the counter, instead going for a glass of water first, he filled it up and drank it all down.   
He stared at the box until Jarvis decided once again to chime in. 

“It’s Pad Thai, you can put it into the microwave,” Jarvis suggested taking a stab in the dark at what might be making the teen just stare at the food, when that did nothing Jarvis realized what the issue was. 

“It was Mr Stark’s food and is un-tampered with, there are forks in the drawer next to you.” Said Jarvis, Loki bit the inside of his cheeks but hesitantly picked the container back up grabbing himself a fork he stabbed it into the food, giving it a good sniff before hesitantly placing it delicately onto his tongue, drawing the fork out of his mouth he slowly chewed, like something might happen or prove to be off, though nothing did on either accounts. 

It tasted fine, and not like poison or anything suspicious. Any leftover paranoia was quickly dashed away as Loki’s hunger made itself more known, demanding food to be digested. He sat down at the table and ate. 

Halfway through the container of food he was interrupted by a voice, he didn’t catch what was said because as soon as the person had begun to speak Loki flinched violently, his fork clattering to the fork with a deafening volume, or what at least felt like a deafening volume. He turned quickly towards the origins of the voice to see Anthony standing there, his eyebrows raised with amusement as he took a sip from his mug, it was already filled with brand new steaming coffee, Loki had been so invested in eating he hadn’t even noticed the man walk in and get his coffee.   
Loki stared at him like a deer in headlights, numbly swallowing the food in his mouth, he ran a tongue over his teeth and cleared his throat. 

“Sorry, what?” He said awkwardly. Anthony’s look of amusement deepened though he was kind enough not to taunt the teen. 

“You’re eating my food.” Said Anthony and Loki’s first instinct was to apologize and somehow make up for doing so but the way Anthony had said it and the way he looked led the teen to believe that he was just being teased, but either way he placed the container down a bit guiltily onto the table. 

“No, no, no, keep eating, god knows you need it.” Said Anthony retrieving a new fork for the teen he handed it over. Loki took it cautiously before he resumed eating, keeping an eye on the engineer.   
Anthony sat down at the table, thankfully not too close to Loki. 

“How’s your feet?” Asked Anthony. 

“Healed.” said Loki between bites of food. 

They sat in silence, Loki’s shoulders tense with unease at the way Anthony watched him over the brim of his mug. When Loki was done eating and the god had thrown away his trash Anthony stopped him before he could make his hasty departure. 

“Now that you’re done, why don’t you come down to help me in my lab. You’ve got a big brain, I’m sure you could keep up with my bigger and way more powerful brain.” Said Anthony with a smirk, the teasing was both making Loki feel more tense and more relaxed, he didn’t think he would be able to tell if Anthony was just doing friendly teasing or if his barbs were supposed to hurt and that made Loki just a bit uneasy, but with little confidence he nodded his head to Anthony’s proposal, it would be nice to use his brain, get rid of the heavy fog of boredom and do something worthwhile.   
Anthony refilled his mug and then led Loki down to the lab. 

Anthony opened the glass door to the lab, holding it open for Loki to walk through, when it shut behind them it felt like they were in a vacuum of sound and the only sound that Loki could hear was in this room.   
Loki’s stomach squirmed with unease until Anthony was once again in front of him, the unease letting up somewhat at the change of position.   
He walked ahead to a table which was cluttered with all sorts of things, though none of which was really familiar to the teen.   
Midgardian technology, Loki has found, is very different from any other type of technology he has seen, though most of what he has seen has just been of asgardian origins.   
Loki somewhat doubted that he would be of much use, what with his severe lack of knowledge when it came to this area, though if Anthony took it upon himself to explain it to Loki, he could learn rather quickly, he’d always been a quick learner. 

Loki hesitantly followed Anthony’s path with stuttering steps only to be brought up short by a machine hurrying in front of him it whirred energetically at him and he flinched away from the machine before stopping himself from fleeing completely, he stared at it, it did not seem to have hostile intentions towards him, honestly, it just seemed sort of excited. Loki eyed it with interest, it had a claw for a hand and it was waving it around animatedly at him. 

“Dum-e, leave Loki alone” said Anthony, Loki looked over to the engineer, the man wasn’t even looking at the two of them but yet still seemed to be very aware of what was happening, perhaps this was a repeated occurrence. 

When the robot made a dejected noise, rolling out of Loki’s path, the teen made to say something, scold Anthony for calling the robot a dummy, but he saw the printed name on its side, indeed labeling it as Dum-E. He rolled his eyes. 

“Really, such a cruel name” he said lightly, barely louder than a mutter under his breath, not really meaning for Anthony to hear though the engineer did nothing but roll his eyes which Loki did not see. 

“Nice to meet you Dum-E” Said Loki.   
The robot perked up, spinning in a circle happily, it made Loki’s mouth twitch upwards a reaction to the machine’s glee.

“Come here, Reindeer games.” said Anthony and when Loki did not respond he spoke again. 

“Loki, that’s you.” he said, actually getting the teens attention that time. 

“Why did you call me it, then? I have a perfectly good and usable name.” he said, blushing slightly in embarrassment. Anthony could help but note the way his cheeks darkened, the blue on his cheeks an even darker blue instead of growing rosey, probably because of his black blood.

Loki picked at his palms, his nerves acting up in the wake of his embarrassment. He obediently went over to Starks side, in front of the engineer was a blue holographic image which he was fiddling with, it seemed to be mirroring an actual object. The object being copied was a little bit away from the table and it was an armored hand.

“what is this? A prototype of some kind?” he asked, eyeing both the hologram and the glove. 

“Nah, we picked this up from the fight we had. The big bad had this on their hand and somehow it made it so they could blow up random shit, and I’m not talking about sending some sort of projectile or even some sort of energy towards an object, I mean it was causing things to randomly self combust.   
Shield took the dude and left the glove for me and Banner to analyse and figure it out. You know I think it’s because Fury doesn’t actually care if I get blown up, I think he would actually be happy.” said Stark with a chuckle that belittled the harsh statement.

Loki’s eyebrows rose and he moved his gaze briefly onto the man but once again his gaze was taken by the holograph as Stark zoomed into the glove, the exterior being replaced by the x-rayed interior.   
He zoomed into a part of the glove that strangely was just consumed by nothing, no wiring, no metal, no energy source whatsoever, just nothing. 

“I think this is where the power is coming from but as you can see, I can’t actually see this part of the glove, I had Jarvis re-scan the thing but there seems to be something there blocking any sort of sensors.” Said Stark, he folded his arms over his chest, covering the blue glow of his heart. 

“I’ve tried cracking the thing open, the old fashioned way of seeing inside, but when I tried to do that it blew that up.” Said Stark gesturing to something in the corner of the room, Loki couldn’t tell what it was, which was because it was completely charred and broken.

“And you need my help?” stated Loki for confirmation.  
“do your shield brethren know about you letting me in on all of this?” he asked, he was curious, while he was not the man who had torn up their world, he was still a memory for them, hell most of them had only recently started accepting him, he doesn’t know if any of them have even begun trusting him yet. 

“Eh they don’t need to know.” Anthony said, waving it away. “It’s not like they could help better than you could.” he added

“But you trust me to help?” Loki asked,   
“Well yeah.” he said simply, leaving it at that. Loki looked back at the hologram, he wasn’t exactly sure to do with that information. 

He studied the image, this was definitely going to be enough of a problem to relieve him of his boredom, it might even prove to be fun. 

He had restored a lot of his energy over the last few days, just laying down had done a lot of good for his Seidr, though eating and drinking water would’ve helped him along faster, would’ve made it so he had regained all of his energy but what energy he got from the food was enough for now, and in a few days he should be as good as new, but right now he had some energy,  
Enough for him to pull on his resources without doing any damage to himself. 

He pulled at his seidr, breaking it into tiny pieces as thin as hair and he wormed it into the gaps in the machinery, pulling smaller till it could get through the microscopic gaps as well.  
Anthony watched on with excited eyes, taking in as much as he could and storing it in his mind, praying that Jarvis was getting this on his sensors so Anthony could study it later.

Anthony was very aware that Loki had magic but he’s never seen it used for any purpose outside of violence and though Loki had teleported he hadn’t actually seen it, so this was new and exciting for him, made him feel a bit like Christmas had come early. 

Loki’s face pinched with concentration as he wove the seidr through the machine.   
Everything else seemed normal, normal Midgardian metal, normal Midgardian style wiring and power. He bit the insides of his cheek as he wove the seidr deeper until he came around to the black out spot, he didn’t touch it, instead feeling around it, looking for abnormalities, some way to worm his way through. The blackout looked like an empty space on Anthony’s hologram but really it was a just a metal ball, it was hollow and whatever was causing the blackout was inside of it,  
so Loki looked for a crack, a fissure of some kind, maybe somewhere where the welding had not covered all the way. 

Sweat was beading on his forehead and he was growing tired, his seidr was not fully replenished and it felt somewhat like using a muscle so overworked it felt limp and like it could collapse any minute, and in light of this feeling Loki acted a little too soon and a little to carelessly, for as soon as he found a microscopic hole he went for it, not bothering with making sure it was safe.   
As soon as his seidr touched inside the metal, not far enough to even tell what was inside, there was a boom, heat hitting his back as Anthony shouted in alarm.

Loki quickly retreated at the outburst pulling his seidr back inside himself he looked around. Behind him was a fire, it was not small but thankfully it wasn’t very large either though the heat from it was uncomfortable on his icy skin. 

Anthony quickly went about extinguishing the fire, his machine helping him though it got cursed at as it sprayed a weird white foam onto Anthony. 

Loki wiped the sweat from his brow with his sleeve, the sweat had tried its best to crystallize with frost but the heat of the fire quickly melted it once again.   
He looked guiltily at the fire. 

“I think it’s best if I leave.” Said Loki quietly, Anthony did not hear him but Loki did not move to remedy this, instead he silently let himself out. He will let Anthony know of his little findings later, right now he should rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> consider this Sorry as a blanket sorry for when I inevitably take a long time to upload more.   
I am really sorry though.


	17. Ravens, man!

Once Loki found himself in his rooms, he locked the doors to add just that little bit more security to the relatively safe place. 

He decided it was probably about time to wash himself, foulness was starting to waft from his pores so he quickly rid himself of the old stale clothing  
and went to fill the tub with barely luke warm water, the warmest his new skin could just barely tolerate, ice cold bath water would no doubt be better for him but he wasn't really in the habit of doing good things for himself and he was certainly not going to start with this, the luke warm water was a compromise as is. 

Once the water was lapping at the rim of the tub he shut the faucet off, sitting on the lip he brushed off the bottoms of his feet so he would not be bringing in any dirt into the bath he slid in, the water spilling over the edges. the water pooled on the floor, more joining the pools as he sunk in deeper, water capsizing until he was fully submerged, his head ducked in the water and his black hair blooming out around the water, becoming silky and ink like in the water. 

when his lungs began to ache from disuse he brought himself over the still surface, breathing in the air that was just slightly cooler then the water.   
He scrubbed himself clean until his skin was flushed black with irritation and his scalp was clean of any oil and scum. 

the water cooled quickly and by the time he left it, it was thickening with slush.   
A scowl firmly planted on his face he wrapped a towel around his waist, and wrung the slush from his hair, it splattered to the floor heavily, melting in the puddles that were barely room temperature.

reaching into the tub, ignoring how nice the water felt on his irritated skin he pulled the stop, the water sluggishly draining down into the pipes below.   
the thin layer of water that had been cooling on his skin were now sheets of ice decorating him, twinkling in the light, with a scowl he broke it off and shed it from his person, like he was truly a snake. 

collecting his old musty clothes he threw them into a hamper, going for his closet he pulled out fresh clothes, changing into the soft fabrics quickly he used some seidr to shuck the ice from his hair, and dried it. Now fully dressed and relatively ice free Loki plunked down onto his bed, pulling his legs up to his chest he shifted his gaze to the large windows, the sky was grey outside and he wondered if there was a lot of wind blowing about. 

The stifling stillness of the tower was starting to affect him. outside teemed with so many possibilities, it teemed with the chaos that run's through his veins, inside the tower chaos and possibilities were sorely lacking, everything was so predictable and boring, it was all just so suffocating to him. he ached to get out, to leave and join the world and its chaos, but issues were presented at this want. 

One of the issues in question was how, exactly, he would leave the tower in the first place. His ability to teleport wasn't exactly great, the only times he's managed to do it were by complete accident and they always drained him too much, last time had only been the tiniest better then the time before that. Just straight up sneaking out wasn't really an option with Jarvis watching, so all of this leaves him with one option, really. He'll have to ask for permission. 

He unfolded himself from his bed, slipping down till his feet hit the hard floor. As he stood his skin shifted with a green shimmer, barely lasting a second before she shook off the feeling, well, she thought, that body didn't last very long this time. 

Out of habit she stuffed this body away hiding it under the expected one, her chest flattening out and the tingles coming in to replace her breasts. 

She froze, right she didn't really need to force it now did she, they already all knew, but she had already forced it and she wasn't too keen of being that vulnerable when she would already be making herself vulnerable to rejection, so seeing as she was already tucked away she decided to keep herself that way, even though her skin felt like it might burst. 

She wrapped her arms tightly around her chest, like it would stop the seams of herself from ripping to expose her true body. she cleared her throat, her vocal chords having shifted accordingly it came out deeper then she was expecting, startling her a bit.

"Jarvis, is Anthony still in his lab?" She asked.

"Yes, he is." Replied the AI. 

Loki gave a nod and stepped forward, a shudder running up her spine as she cringed away from the feeling between her legs, being in the wrong body felt harder then it ever had before, but she was stubborn.   
so she shook the feeling off and returned her walk, heading out of the room and to the elevator, taking it down to the lab, hurrying as fast as she could, the sooner she was over this the sooner she could shed this false skin and muscle. 

The engineer was in almost the exact spot he had been 40 minutes ago except he had moved on from the glove to work on something else.   
Loki eyed the aforementioned glove, from where it sat, wearily as she made her way over to the man.   
Sensing her presence Anthony looked up. 

"What's up?" he asked, 

"I would like to leave the tower for a bit?" She asked, looking anywhere but at him. 

He gave a humorless chuckle. "yeah that ain't happening, not with what happened last time." he said,   
Loki bristled a scowl settling, she shifted her eyes to his glowing heart. 

"And what happened last time?" She asked. 

"Oh, just the fact that you were attacked by three men, only to be rescued and kidnapped by a known murderer." He said, Anthony's arms came to cross over his reactor so Loki shifted her eyes to his shoulder. 

"those were special circumstances, plus it's not like I'll run into Frank again, at least not on purpose. I doubt he wants anything to do with me." She muttered the last part more to herself then to Anthony. 

"the answers no." he said. Loki huffed, folding her arms tighter over her chest. 

She opened her mouth, about to fight more for the answer she wanted but thought better of it, if she fought to much and he still says no then he might take measures to assure her continued presence inside the tower and that was the last thing she wanted, a 24/7 baby sitter, especially because they were already keeping a close eye on her, making sure she doesn't snap again, she can tell.

her mouth snapped shut and she rolled her eyes, then again if she gives up to easily that might gain some suspicion. so she gives half hearted protests. 

"Being inside all of the time is not good for my health." 

"you'll survive." said Anthony, he wasn't even looking at her anymore, his attention already stolen back by whatever project he had been working on prior to her visit. 

Loki gave a dramatic huff "Fine." she snapped, turning abruptly and leaving, her legs carrying her quickly. once she was in the elevator she relaxed her arms, her foot tapping impatiently at the ground.

"Jarvis, are there any windows that open?" She asked, looking up at his camera. 

"there are no windows that can open, however there is a sliding door that leads out to Sir's iron man suits landing pad." 

"that works, can you take me there? I just want some fresh air, one or another." Said Loki. 

"yes sir." Said Jarvis, he sounded a bit suspicious but considering the elevator started moving it clearly did not affect his decision. 

Loki's lips barely cock up in a smile but it felt triumphant never the less.   
when the elevator doors opened Loki bee-lined for the sliding doors, they slid almost soundlessly open as she approached.   
she stepped out and immediately her hair was whipped to the side to mingle in the air her clothes clung to her skin as she stepped, barefoot further out onto the platform, coming up right to the edge she sat, her legs dangling over the edge, over the city, the wind felt like a balm on her overly warm skin, cooling her considerably her skin welcoming it heartily.   
the air tasted with the promise of rain, she wonders if it has anything to do with her brother. if his mood had soured enough on Asgard that it affected Midgard so. 

her stomach swooped as she peered under her feet. the air felt nearly dense enough with wind that if she were to fall she would be caught, held in it's embrace, her mind urged her to fall, to see what would happen.   
to see if she would fall and fall until she hit the ground or if she would float and be carried weightlessly away from this place. 

but falling had a new meaning after learning the truth, falling seemed to only bring about bad things after all and so she didn't let herself slide from the edge.   
she shifted her seat as she let her muscles and skin shift, shaking away the old skin, the change was so sudden and abrupt that it knocked the breath from her lungs, a drum had been taking place in her brain and now it felt like the drum skins had been released with a tight pop.   
reeling herself back in, her lungs heaving with new breaths she cleared her throat, feeling her vocal chords change to fit. 

"Jarvis!" she called out her voice cracking a little as it settled. 

"can you hear me from out here?" She asked over the roaring winds. 

"Yes miss Loki." He said, his voice crackling from a close by speaker. Loki sighed at the 'miss', she could've sworn she had told Jarvis not to do that. 

her skin felt as though ants were crawling through it, chaos thrumming in anticipation, urging her to explore the possibilities that would lie with her leaving the tower.   
she hummed softly to herself, swaying in her seat, her legs being held by the wind she pulled her hair so it was out of her face and it immediately got picked back up by the wind, and carried with it was a distant caw of a raven.   
an idea sparked in her mind and she smiled. 

she had never tried to be a bird before, plenty of animals before, of course but never a bird, she doesn't know why the thought never struck her, the urge but it struck now, and who was she to deny it? 

she pulled herself up and onto her feet, still scarily close to the edge, she leaned forward a little bit to peer down below herself.   
flying can't be that hard. 

"Miss?" called out Jarvis sounding a bit nervous, "I advice that you take a step away from the ledge." He said, reminding her of his presence. she took a step back to appease him.

"I need to spread my wings for a bit, will you tell Anthony?" She asked, looking at his speaker as it crackled, there was a pause, Loki was beginning to suspect that the AI was already telling Anthony about her being on the platform but then he spoke up. 

"I will not tell him unless he asks, miss." He said, "though I do have to request that you will not be out for more then an hour." Said Jarvis, 

"2 hours and it's a deal." She said, a conspiratory smile on her face. 

"deal." he chimed before falling silent, waiting with bated breath, meaning that if he could breath then he would be holding it. 

maybe it was Loki's streak of bad self preservation skills that made her do it, she reflects to herself as the wind whips be her as the ground gets closer and closer, perhaps she should've practiced before hand, but the fall had look too enticing to pass up.   
besides it was kind of fun. though she should probably change now, so as not to have Jarvis revoke the deal and alert Anthony. 

she flipped herself around, she spread her arms out as if they were wings and closing her eyes for no longer then a blink she was being caught in the air, feathers ruffling as she came to an abrupt halt in her decent, her wings catching her she flapped them. they were big, big for a Midgardian raven but smaller then the ones on Asgard. she beat her wings until she was back at height with the landing platform, the wind felt cool, when before it had felt like nothing, alerting her to the fact that her body temperature had changed along with her form, a nice little cheat she supposes, to not be faced with her monstrous side. 

soaring through the sky felt invigorating, filled her chest with warmth, felt like falling and jumping at the same time. 

her flight skipped, unused to it as she was, so spotting a building she landed heavily on the roof, growing her legs and arms back, she laughed joyously, all of the fog temporarily lifted in the face of this newness.   
she plopped herself to the ground dramatically, rolling onto her back so that she could stare up at the grey sky.   
as she blinked the clouds opened and let out their pent up rain, it was light enough not to make her feel as if she would drown, the droplets landed on her exposed skin and almost immediately froze, falling to the ground with soft clinks. 

the water was soaking into her hair and soon it would freeze there so as to prevent that she hopped back up, growing back her wings and the twig like feet of a bird. she flew back into the sky, the rain now pelting down on her wings, like pin pricks. she flew as high as she could, till the clouds were skimming her feathers and the rain was heavier, electricity staticy in the clouds. she let go, as she fell from the sky she spotted a red and blue figure sitting on a building, so with a quick change in direction she dived for the figure,  
catching herself last minute and landing heavily behind them, they yelped, turning around to the source of the thud. 

The figure wore a mask with big bug like eyes, though the mask was rolled up to their nose, their mouth bulging with food and a weird doughy spicy and sugary smelling stick in their hand.   
she cocked her head, hopping a little closer, he watched her warily as she approached him.   
the costume that he wore looked to be of the same vein as the outfits the avengers wore.   
so naturally she assumes that he is also a superhero, this city was not at all lacking in that department. 

on the chest of his costume was a spider, so whoever this was he was obviously affiliated with spiders some how, as she thought she realized that she recognized him, she had watched a very brief clip on that app, YouTube, he had been catching a car with his bare hands.   
the video had titled him as Spiderman, 

his throat made an audible noise as he swallowed the mouthful of food that had been frozen there.   
he nervously cleared his throat.

"uh hi, there, nice crow." He said, and if Loki could she would rolled her eyes, she was not a crow, clearly. 

his voice was high, like a teenagers, she was not aware that Midgard was in the habit of having child soldiers. 

Loki hopped a tad closer and the boy shifted his legs a bit, still nervous of the big bird.   
when she hopped closer again he started searching for what was drawing her attention, eventually he came to the conclusion that she was coming for his food.   
He held it aloft. 

"Is this what you want?" He asked, despite the fact that he expected no answer, it was after all a crow. 

he held out the stick of dough to the disguised goddess. Loki cocked her head at his offering before snapping forward with her beak, taking a bit and nipping at the edge of his fingers, he yelped withdrawing his hands quickly, but she had already gotten her bounty, though she couldn't taste it, this discovery was a bit of a bummer as she had been curious about the food.   
her curiosity shifted however as soon as she saw the boy blink, the large bug eyes on his closing.   
she croaked in surprise, she was not well versed with Midgard but she is pretty sure that costumes were not meant to blink. 

She fluttered up and onto the boys lap, her talons poking into his thigh sharply.   
he squawked much like a bird but she ignored it as she went to investigate the mask, he kept pulling away though, trying to swat her off his lap.   
he eventually gave up on swatting at her, instead stealing his nerves he grabbed her, this caused her to caw indignantly at him, quickly pecking at his finger tips, doing her best to destroy the fabric there, until he let her go with an exclamation of ouch. 

he stared dumbly at the ripped fabric on his pinkie, the pinkie underneath starting to bead with blood, what the fuck was this birds beak made out of?   
Loki taking this pause of surprise, hopped back into his lap and started trying to take his mask off, her being in his face quickly got his attention once again. 

"Hey, hey, hey, quit it!" he said.

she finally managed to snag a bit of the fabric and went to lift it before he was once again picking her up and setting her down, he looked ready to retreat and not wanting to lose her chance to figure this out she decided fingers were probably in order.   
so she hopped back into his lap, and before he could go move her once again she changed back, pinning him down with her cold, heavy, blue body.   
he screamed this time but she ignored him, instead taking the chance to pluck the mask from his head. this time when he shoved her off of him she went sprawling back, not really caring as she had her prize. 

realizing that he was no longer masked he started trying to tug the mask from her hands, but her hands were frozen around the mask as she peered at it, doing her best to investigate even with this annoying tugging distracting her, and it was rather annoying, the mask wouldn't stay still long enough for her to properly get a look so she bared her teeth and growled at the boy, this made him immediately let go as if he was burned, skittering away to stare at her with large brown eyes. watching him with narrowed eyes till she was sure he wasn't going to try and snatch it away she turned her attention back to the mask.  
the longer she looked at it the more she decided that it was one of Anthony's technologies. there was so much packed into the thin fabric of the mask, she pulled some seidr into it, investigating further then what she could see, when she was satisfied she pulled it back out and tossed the mask back at the boy, his mouth gaping as it landed at his feet.   
Loki stood, the rain wetting her hair further, she brushed off her hands and stared up into the sky. she took a seat on the ledge of the building and waited. 

"w-who are you?" Asked the boy, tugging the mask back down his head, this time pulling it all the way down and over his chin. she smirked. 

"let's just say, I'm a friend of Stark's." she said. 

“Well that was vague and fairly villainy sounding. Y-your not like a frenemy or something, are you?” he asked nervously.   
Loki quietly repeated that word back to herself, her brow furrowed with bemusement. it was a fairly self explanatory word, a combination of the words friend and enemy, Midgardians loved playing with words, it was weird. 

catching a glimpse of blue out of the corner of her, she ducked her head and frowned some of her fog returning.   
she sighed.   
"I do not believe we are 'frenemy's' ." she said, 

she glanced back at the boy, his body still held loads of suspicion towards her, but the longer they stared at each other the more suspicion dissolved, it didn't disappear entirely but he decided to sit next to her, sure not close enough for her to reach him but still on the ledge with her. 

"i'm, uh, Spiderman." He said. 

"I'm aware, though you do not sound like a man? are you a man? You sound more like a boy freshly out of puberty." She said. 

he squawked indignantly. "I am a man!" he exclaimed, his voice cracking as if on cue to prove him otherwise, he sighed in defeat. some silence passed between them before he thought to speak again. 

"Hey, why were you a crow, how were you a crow?" He asked. 

"Well first of all, I was not a crow I was a raven." She said. 

"Why do you say that like I should've known." 

"because it is quite obvious, any smart person would be able to tell the difference." She said, glancing at him, there was so much eye to look at on his face, so when she glanced she decided it was best to just look at his forehead. 

"well how can you turn into a raven, then?" He asked. Loki sniffed haughtily. 

"that's personal." like she would tell him about her seidr, she doesn't know what type of person he is, for all she knows he would just want to use her for it.   
the boy mumbled something under his breath, clearly intended only for himself, before he turned his head to look at the horizon, Loki followed his gaze. the horizon was blocked by all the large buildings in this city, a sight that was familiar if one was in the habit of staring down Asgard, but it lacked the glitter and shine of the golden castle.   
still, that being said, it wasn't horrible. she still much preferred the sight of Asgard, still preferred the sight of trees and greenery to this but still, not horrible.   
she had not yet reached her deadline but she had drunk her fill of the city for today, besides if she were to go back early then she could cash in the time she did not spend for later usage. 

she stood up, her toes curling over the edge of the building,   
"I must go." She said, getting ready to change so she could begin her flight back. 

the boy got up as well. "me too, where are you heading?" he asked, she looked at him with narrowed eyes,

"the avengers tower." She said, cocking her head in it's direction, the boy seemed to light up. 

"Oh me too!" he said before shifting on his feet, coming away from the edge. the sky was beginning to clear the rain coming slower. 

"I could give you a ride, if you want?" He offered, she eyed him. 

"and how exactly would you be giving me a ride?"

"I'll swing there, and you could hold onto my back or something." He said. 

she cocked an eyebrow. flying had lost some of it's newness anyhow, this was new however and if anything were to go wrong, well she would be able to save herself and maybe even the boy. 

"alright." She said, looking at him expectantly for instructions on how this was going to work, he didn't seem quite sure either which was not very reassuring. she rolled her eyes. 

"I will get on your back so you have more mobility." she said, urging him to show her his back as she pulled her hair up into a knot. she hopped up onto his offered back, hooking her legs around his waist and her arms around his shoulders, making sure not to restrict his arm movement nor choke him. 

he grunted a bit with her weight but quickly recovered. he adjusted her a bit more comfortably for him, causing her to bounce slightly, she ducked her head into his neck, hooking on there with her chin. 

"go on then." She said, he stepped up onto the ledge of the building and Loki peered down and he stepped off. 

her stomach swooped with the fall, wind whipped past them, shoving it's way in-between there bodies causing them to separate ever so slightly, which Loki gripped harder onto his suit in reaction to that. she refused to scream even as her throat ached with the need to, the boy did not refuse however, but his scream wasn't of fear.   
before Loki could even contemplate their approaching deaths the boy's arm shot out, it jerked with the momentum as they came to a halt only to swing in an arch. aw, so this is what he meant when he said 'swing'. 

he let go and they began to fall again before he repeated the motion.   
the boy lacked so much grace, nearly running into a bird she felt the urge to apologize to it as it flapped away in alarm at its near demise.   
when they got to the tower and landed on the landing pad Loki quickly dismounted the boy.   
her hair almost completely out of its knot she smoothed down her clothes quite regally. 

"uh, you okay?" asked the boy sounding a bit uncertain. Loki cleared her throat to dislodge the scream there. 

"quite." she said. she pulled down her hair finding it to be slightly iced over from a mixture of the wind and her own body. 

as she worked out the ice she peered around the glass entrance. she could see Anthony puttering around and she cursed, she was not supposed to be out here, that could be easily lied away by just saying she had been just sitting but her appearance was far to wind swept to have just been sitting so before the man could turn his eyes and see them her body rapidly shrunk into a familiar form, one she was almost as fond of as her serpent form, she stretched her feline back, her tail swiping the air lazily. 

the boy stared down at her. "Wow." He said in awe. 

she yawned.   
smacking her mouth she returned inside, the glass doors opening for her, the ice already melting in her fur from this forms body heat and the conjoined heat of the indoors. as the ice melted the water rand down her soaked fur to pitter onto he floor.   
spotting the nice and clean couch she felt the urge to go leap onto it, soak it through.   
but before she could seriously contemplate it Anthony distracted her, finally noticing her. 

"uh, Jarvis, why is there a soaking wet cat in my tower?" he asked, Loki glanced back at him but decided that her room was her intended destination, a bed sounded nice right about now. 

"that would be miss Loki, she had been out on the landing pad during the rain, sir." Said Jarvis, Anthony sighed. 

"Of course she was, of course she is." luckily before the engineer could obsess over her for too long he was distracted by the boy finally coming to his senses and entering the warmed space. 

Loki taking this distraction quickly made her way for the elevators.   
she she entered her room Jarvis chimed from the ceiling.   
"there are fresh towels in your bathroom, miss Loki." He said. 

she ignored him, she was too lazy to go and change back to dry herself off so she decided to just hop up onto her bed, finding a nice warm spot, snuggled between her pillows, before she knew it she was dozing off, her fur drying in the air.... 

A blinding white light was what greeted Johnathan Ellington back into consciousness, the florescent lights buzzed heavily above him as he slowly came back to his senses, a heart monitor beating away, he soon realized that there was something lodged in his throat, choking him, the monitor beat faster and faster as he gagged around it, trying to cough it out, dislodge it so he could breath.

there were voices hummering around him, and with a gag the tube was pulled from his throat, he looked around, eyes hidden by swollen bruised flesh.

"I see you are awake." Said a voice to his left, his eyes darted to the side, confusion written on his face. He was greeted with the face of a blonde man wearing all black. his eyes darted around some more as something occurred to him, this isn't a hospital room, there were too many tubes and every hospital room he had ever been in had white walls and smelled like antiseptic, no this place smelled like leaky pipes and the walls were a dark grey. he looked back to the man who was watching him impatiently. 

"we have some questions for you." he said flashing a smile.


	18. Cat Nap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have a question for y'all. 
> 
> If I was to put a link to like pinterest, or something, to show art I did for this fanfic, would you click it? 
> 
> I know I personally do not trust most links, but AO3 has not been letting me upload art onto here directly. 
> 
> if you took the time to answer, thank you. if not that's alright, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

She was woken from her dream in a state of panic, not from the dream itself, but rather the large hand that had scooped her from her dream, and from the warmth she had accumulated on the covers of her bed.  
She hissed as loudly as she could at it, going in for a swipe, but before claws could meet flesh another hand was coming to join the first, this one shifting her off target as it came to cradle under her ribs.  
she did her best to squirm from the grip even as it pressed her into a warm solid chest. her previous unconsciousness still clinging to her in her panicked confusion, making her brain work slower, but luckily for the manhandler, the fog in her brain was completely lifted by the rumbling vibrations of a familiar chuckle.  
she rapidly deflated with the knowledge that her assailant was none other then her oafish brother.

"Loki calm yourself, it is only me." Rumbled his voice belatedly. Loki huffed, rolling her eyes, she ought to prick his hands anyway, but that would make him drop her, and she was not quite ready to be flung to the floor, and his chest was awfully warm.

"I forgot how tiny you were like this." Thor muttered, more to himself then to Loki, though she still gave an irritated huff. Thor pulled her away from him, setting her back down onto her bed, as soon as she had her paws underneath her, she stretched, her tongue curling into a yawn. 

she sat and stared up at the god expectantly, she had not forgotten the things she had asked of him before he had left and neither had Thor, he gave a chuckle and bent over to lift a trunk from the floor. 

"Aye, I have brought you your gifts." he said, setting the trunk onto the bed, Loki had to stop herself from sliding into it. 

it seemed quite heavy, going by how much it made the bed dip. 

Thor swung the chest open, the hinges silent as the top heavily flipped.  
Loki curiously peered over the rim, gazing upon the contents, making sure everything she had asked for was there, and it was, but there was something extra.  
A medium sized parcel with her runes scribed onto it in Frigga's distinct handwriting. 

her curiosity was peaked but gazing down at it, her chest felt tight, she wanted to reach out and inspect the parcel, but the thought of touching it was daunting, it was stupid but she didn't want to face it, not at the moment at least, so for now it would go ignored, along with the longing in her heart.  
So holding her breath, she turned her face up to Thor, giving him a nod, which he returned, he picked up the chest, setting it back onto the floor. 

Thor scooped Loki back up, and she retaliated with a hiss, more annoyed with the lack of warning, then the actual action. this was apparent to Thor based on her lack of struggle and the fact that she simply glared up at him instead of attacking. 

"I am very tired, it has been a long few days." said Thor mid yawn, from the stench of his breath Loki would have to guess that Thor had been neglecting more then just sleep. 

cradling Loki to his chest, Thor laid himself down in Loki's lingering warm spot and almost as soon as his head hit the pillow his snores were filling the silence.  
His arm kept Loki trapped against his chest and she huffed. she briefly contemplated waking him back up, so that she could make her escape but one glance up at his face she could see just how dark and heavy the bags under his eyes were. 

so begrudgingly Loki succumbed to her fate, her own eyes drifting closed to welcome sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter, I wanted to upload something and what was originally a single chapter was very long and didn't really need to be completely connected so I figured, better less then nothing.  
I should be uploading the second half soonish, but I wouldn't hold your breath. 
> 
> Wow Thor really needs to learn some boundaries.


	19. I can't see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a nightmare in the beginning of the chapter, I will have + marker for the end of it for those who would like to skip it. 
> 
> Content warning: mentioned torture, brief description of torture, isolation.

Loki blinked open her eyes and internally sighed, it has been a while since she had one of these ‘dreams’, though maybe Memories would be a better description, though maybe not, they weren’t exactly her memories anyway.   
Whatever these were, technically, they hadn’t happened in a while so logically it would have to happen again eventually.   
The one thing she could thank Odin for is that the memory hell scapes were not an every night occurrence.

Loki couldn’t quite tell if knowing that these weren’t dreams, that this body was really her own, knowing that these tortures really did happen, just to a different version of herself, a detached version of herself, she couldn’t quite tell if that made it easier to handle, or worse, but she thinks it is leaning more towards the worse. 

She wasn’t in the cell this time, nor was she out in the open. There was absolutely no light, wherever she was, she couldn’t even see past her own nose, even though her eyes were more sensitive than most. In her mind, she could imagine herself craning her head to the side, to try and catch a glimpse of something helpful, but her body stubbornly stayed with it’s head bent forward, hair brushing along quietly against its cheek, she doesn’t think it would’ve made much of a difference anyway, the only thing she got from her surroundings was this horrible stench, like rot, it was probably infected wounds. 

So internally she waited with bated breath for something to happen, for the tortures to reveal itself to her, but nothing happened. Hours passed by slowly, feeling both like no time had past and like all of the time in the world had.   
Maybe an hour in, her brain started to itch for something, anything to happen, anything was better than this dark and silence. Maybe 2 more hours passed before the body started to twitch, the breath coming in slightly raspier, and fingers twitching against where they were held against something cold and rough.   
A couple more hours passed and the body was shaking uncontrollably and her mind felt like it was on fire, she wanted to scream, to cause some sort of noise more than just the rasping of skin against stone and the ragged sound of the breath shaking from her body. 

Loki felt like she was going crazy, the meaning of everything lost in the darkness. 

At least if she screamed she might even be able to tell how big the room is, but her body stubbornly left the vocal cords untouched. 

Finally there was noise, something that made her ears feel like they were on fire, though it felt good at this point. 

A loud creak from an opening door, light splitting through the darkness Loki’s body desperately looked up, trying to catch something, she wanted to scramble towards the door, towards the light but she was still chained down, her body seemed to have the same idea however as it began to struggle against its confines.   
Loki honestly didn’t care anymore if the person silhouetted in the doorway brought pain with them, anything would be better than nothing at this point, even if it hurt. 

Her lungs were frozen in her chest, waiting to see what would happen, tears pricked at her eyes.   
At least, being able to see the light, meant that her eyes had healed from that kid, that she wasn’t blind. 

Finally the person broke their stillness, slowly walking over to her, as they got closer Loki could see more of their face, it was set in a grim line under their reflecting golden armor. 

Once they were in arms reach of her they knelt down, coming face to face with her,

“It has been decided that as of tomorrow you will be released.” Loki was honestly shocked, but she was soon swept out of her shock by the balming feeling their voice left on her raw brain.   
She could feel her face move without her permission, scrunching up in hope and confusion and strongest of all wariness,

“The Allfather king has chosen this last punishment for you, despite the protests of the queen.” the guard said

They didn’t really seem to be talking to Loki anymore, more talking to themself than anything, they got up and disappeared behind Loki, she could hear them fiddle with something behind her. 

She licked her lips with a dry tongue, lips cracked and tasting of blood.   
Her voice came out brittle like broken glass. 

“And what does the king deem fit?” she asked, her voice deep and full of contempt for the Allfather. 

The guard didn’t bother answering her as they finished up whatever they were doing. They grabbed her hair and pulled her head back, pulling a strap over her forehead. They secured her back into an uncomfortable position and Loki was faced with the answer to her question and the reason for the foul stench. 

Above her was the carcass of a giant snake, it’s lower jaw had been broken and hinged like a door to its mouth, and once Loki was secure the guard swung the jaw out of the way, revealing two giant fangs, something wet fell onto Loki’s eyes and she blinked rapidly to clear it out, another drip fell and she learned to keep her eyes closed but then the burning started, then the melting and then the screaming as flesh bubbled away. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When Loki blinked open her eyes her heart soared, because while it was dark she could still see and her body was blessedly without pain, though that didn’t stop her body from shaking like the branches of a tree during a thunderstorm.  
It made her teeth feel like they were dancing inside of her skull. 

The longer she shook the more aware of her surroundings she became, like first of all she was still a cat, and secondly she was no longer trapped against her brother. 

At some point in the night Thor had shoved her off of his chest, leaving her dipped up against his side, probably explaining why he hadn’t woken up yet. 

To prevent waking him with her shaking, she stood on limp legs and slowly staggered off of the side of the bed, landing lightly as possible on the hard floor. 

A shiver increased her shudders. 

Once she was settled on the floor, she shifted back into her proper body, tucking her legs underneath herself she tried her best to control the way her body moved, she glanced around, the room, it was darker now that she was no longer a feline, so with some rush to her movement she reached for the chest to grab the parcel from Frigga and she quickly left the room for the hallway. Once the door was closed she glanced up to the ceiling. 

“Jarvis, can you turn the lights on, please?” she said softly, almost as soon as the words were out of her mouth the hall lights flickered on, dimmer then normal but still bright. 

She blinked away the floaters in her eyes and once they had adjusted to the light she looked down at the parcel.   
She hopes that whatever is inside won’t react adversely to being shaken. 

She slid down the wall till she was sitting, drawing herself in as tightly as possible. She set the parcel down and set out to wait for her body to calm on its own. 

She’s not certain how much time passed as she calmed down but when the shaking had subsided to a slight tremor she reached back for the parcel as she peeled away its outer layer a piece of parchment fell out, fluttering to the floor. She glanced at it briefly before studying the contents revealed. 

There were a couple small bags, a vial of amber liquid, 2 larger bags and a very blunt knife, she pressed the edge against her thumb, but no matter how much weight she put behind it, or how much she dragged it, it couldn’t split her skin, it was probably mildly enchanted to prevent injury.   
Setting aside the contents she reached for the parchment.

“For my little snake, Fyrstekake to bring a little comfort to you when you are feeling low. love, mother.” Loki swallowed painfully past the lump in her throat, she stubbornly pressed the moisture from her eyes before they could become tears, turning the note over she skimmed through the instructions written there. There seems to be enough ingredients to make two batches of Loki’s favorite dessert. 

The teen tucked the note into the waistband of her pants and scooping up the ingredients she had set aside she stood.  
She was no longer tired, having slept for far longer than usual, plus the promise of another nightmare was enough of a deterrent to want to keep her from her bed, so ingredients in hand she made her way for the communal kitchen.


	20. let them eat cake!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a little wholesomeness.

When Loki arrived to the kitchens she had Jarvis set the lights to dim.   
It always seems wrong to have bright lights on when it’s past midnight. 

The teen set down her armful onto one of the counters before she pulled her tangled, still slightly damp hair up into a knot on the top of her head. Once her hair was set away she went to go search through the cabinets for the pan she would need for the recipe though she didn’t have much hope in finding it.   
So, obviously it came to her surprise when she did indeed find one, it was covered in dust and was still wrapped away in a clear film, completely untouched. Obviously it had never been used.   
Unwrapping the pan, she set it aside next to the ingredients, out of the cabinets she found the bowls and the measuring tools she would need to make this cake. Once she had all the equipment out she grabbed the last of the ingredients that were not included in the parcel, such as the butter and the eggs. 

She has made Fyrstekake before, she used to make it with Frigga whenever she was feeling poorly, but the appliances on Midgard were very different from Asgards, so knowing the exact degree of heat needed to bake was not something she knew from heart.  
Frigga had taught her how to feel for the proper heat and how to keep it maintained without the use of seidr, however that did not translate well to exact estimates that were needed on Midgard. 

Though upon further inspection of the instructions, it seems Frigga was not ignorant to the differences as she had the degree etched out below the ingredient list.   
Still not quite knowing how to make it happen, Loki looked up to the ceiling.

“Jarvis? Could you set the oven to 350?” She asked and luckily for her that was something in the realms of Jarvis’s capabilities. 

She wouldn’t be needing the oven anytime soon but it wouldn’t hurt to let it sit and warm for a while. 

When she was done with the dough she wrapped it in a clear film and set it into the fridge, having Jarvis set a timer for it, once he had, Loki sat at the table to wait   
Technically she could use her seidr to speed up the process but at that thought an image of Frigga warning her against it, popped into her head, sweeping away the thought almost immediately.

Frigga had always said that you should never use Seidr when cooking, it encouraged a habit of using the easy way out, and brought with it laziness and foolishness, because ‘one day you might not be able to use your seidr and you would find yourself ignorant on how to cook without it.’  
And on a more practical side, there were too many variables, and if you messed up, the best scenario would be getting a minor stomach ache. 

Loki quickly grew bored with just sitting, so closing her eyes she thought about the books in the trunk, letting out a harsh breath she tried to will a specific one into her hands, her fingers vibrated and it took far too much effort and when it popped into existence her ears popped along with it.   
Rubbing away the feeling softly, she opened her eyes, though it had taken a lot to get it here, she was happy that not only was it the right book but it was the whole book and not just its pages. 

She stroked a hand down its spine, a small smile cracked on her lips. She flipped it open, the old binding creaking with the strain of age.   
Loki had to resist the urge to smell the old pages, still, even without bending low to do so she could just about get a whiff of it, reminding her of the days she would spend in the library, all by herself, nothing but books surrounding her, it was a good memory. 

When the alarm went off Loki softly put the book down, regretfully without anything to bookmark it with. 

She grabbed the dough from the fridge, unwrapping it she pinched a bit off, rolling it out thinly. using the knife she had been supplied she started cutting out shapes.   
Some of the quartered dough was cut into varying sizes of intricate snowflakes, and due to her lack of body heat the dough stayed colder then it would’ve with her skin warming it up, which was the one thing she could not be bitter about, with her new body.   
Once done with the snowflakes she decided to cut out some runes, some for protection, some for health, and some for good fortune. No seidr went into the runes, but that did not make them, in any way a useless contribution.   
Laying out the designs on a sheet she set them into the fridge for them to cool back down completely.

Taking the rest of the dough she padded it down into the pan, setting that into the fridge as well.   
Jarvis setting another timer for her when asked to do so. 

She sat back down at the table, plucking up her book she quickly found the page she had left it on and when the timer went off again Loki set about getting ready to make the filling. 

“Jarvis, what time is it?” she asked absentmindedly. 

“It is 4:16 am.” Chimed the AI  
Loki hummed in vague acknowledgment.

“Whatcha doing?” Asked a tired sounding voice. 

Loki flinched violently, the impossibly dull knife flashing into her hand as she spun around to face the trespasser. 

Instead of someone looking ready for a fight, she found a nervous looking teenage boy, his hair a mess and his pajamas rumpled from sleep. 

It took her a second, her knife still poised at the stranger, for her mind to make the connection between the voice and the spiderling from earlier. 

Delayed, Loki set the knife down, the boy’s eyes darting between her and the glinting silver.

“You scared me.” she said her voice sharp, she folded her arms over her chest and stared at his floppy light brown hair, the boy shuffled awkwardly. 

“Sorry.” he said, and he did genuinely sound it. 

It was hard to miss the deep dark bags under his eyes, ones that could rival her own. Clearly he had been having trouble sleeping. Loki didn’t even need to ask to tell. 

Turning away, giving the boy some privacy to recollect himself she started measuring out the powdered sugar. 

“I am baking Fyrstekake, it means prince cake, royal cake, or crown cake, and I suppose any variation there upon.” she answered his previous question. 

“C-cool, can I um, can I help?” he asked, his voice weak.   
Loki peered at him through the corner of her eye, giving a brisk nod. 

“Wash your hands, then you can help.” “I suppose,” she added as an afterthought.   
His feet shuffled loudly against the ground on his way to the sink. 

It occurred to Loki, as the boy washed his hands, that he might actually live in the tower, when he is not off on missions or what have you. 

“Do you live here?” she asked, the faucet turned off and Loki turned to look as the boy dried off his hands, his cheeks and ears were flushed red with blood, and he was avoiding her gaze awkwardly. 

“Oh, uh no, I live with my aunt, but she uh, has a guest over.” he said, implication heavy in his embarrassment. 

“Oh” offered Loki, dropping the conversation, the boy came to her side, however, he was noticeably not on the side where the knife laid. 

“So, uh, how can I help?” He asked, looking up at her through his fringe,   
Loki looked away quickly.   
Her own skin flushing, though thankfully not enough for him to notice.   
Her eyes landed on the carton of eggs, so she grabbed them. 

“You can crack the eggs.” She offered, handing the carton over to him.  
“I need three egg whites and one egg yolk, the yolk set into a separate bowl.” She said, grabbing the bowls he would need, for him, she set them by the sink. 

“Best you do it over here.” she said. He blindly followed her lead, and she left him to handle that. 

She didn’t have a lot of dry ingredients to measure out so once they were all set and mixed into their bowl she turned to check in on the spiderling.

Things were not going smoothly on his end, in the bigger bowl were the egg whites, which is what she wanted, but the egg yolk was in the same bowl, the boy was currently trying to fetch it with a shell, parts of the shell already broken off into the whites.   
Loki sighed, wiping her hands off onto her pants she sidled up next to the boy and she nudged him out of the way. 

“You can’t do it like that.” she informed him, “you might break the yolk, and see you got shell in the whites. Just, watch me.” she said, 

She poured all of the contents of the bigger bowl into the smaller bowl before cupping her hands.   
She held them up over the bigger bowl, making sure the boy was watching, she grabbed the other bowl and poured the eggs into her hands, the yolk which was thankfully still intact cradled in her hands as the whites strained through her fingers. When all of the thin whites were separated she tugged off a particularly mucusy part before plopping the clean yolk into the now empty small bowl. Moving the bowls out of the way with her clean hand she washed the slime off of her.

“I’m going to whip the egg whites until they form peaks, and you’re going to help by adding some of the dry ingredients in when I say too.” she said gesturing him towards the dry ingredients bowl. 

He picked it up and rejoined her side, she found a whisk and began the long and tedious portion of the recipe.   
Whipping the egg whites. 

When they were done with the filling she had the spiderling retrieve the crust.   
She filled the crust up and laid the cut out designs on top, adding water to the yolk she painted it onto the top crust, making sure to get it evenly coated.  
When that was finished she set it into the oven, and had Jarvis set another timer.

Washing her hands one more time, she dried them off and went back to the table, picking up on where she left off in her book, she leaned back into the chair, crossing her ankles comfortably. 

The boy awkwardly shuffled over after a while of just standing, he took a seat across from Loki, her brain painfully aware of his movements, the way he was shifting in his chair, in probably both boredom and nerves. 

She couldn’t concentrate on her book with the tension radiating from him so with a sigh she set the book down, looking up at him she eyed him with contemplation.   
He quickly noticed her gaze and his muscles stiffened with tension at her stare.   
His hands clenching into the bottom of his shirt, pulling the collar down tautly.

“Uh, so my name's Peter.” he said.

“Oh, I’m Loki.” She said. 

“I know, I… uh, Mr Stark told me.” 

“Oh.” Loki said, a little surprised and a little self conscious of what Anthony could’ve possibly told Peter about her.

“Why do you call him that?” She asked after some time of awkward silence. 

“Call him what?”

“Mr Stark, is he your superior?” she asked, Peter’s face flamed red, his chest puffing up a bit in indignation. 

“He’s not my superior!” he said “he’s just uh, I just uh, it’s respectful.” said Peter, deflating as he stumbled over his words, he ducked his head and rubbed at his flushed neck. 

And Loki looked at him with amusement. 

“Okay.” She accepted. “Well, Peter, I would greatly appreciate it if you would take me on a tour of this city of yours.” She said.   
“Tomorrow, preferably.” she tacked on before it occurred to her that tomorrow was in fact today.   
“Or today rather, once the sun has settled in the sky for a while” She amended. 

Peter blinked at her, wide eyed and bemused by her boldness. 

“Have you not left the tower since you got here?” he asked, his brow pinched. 

“Well, sort of, I’ve left um twice now, the first time was a brief accident and I did not get to see much, the second time was just earlier, when I met you.” She said with a shrug.   
It would be in Loki’s best interest not to mention the fact that she was technically not allowed outside, if Peter did not know then she did not want to tip him off, he seems like a rule follower. 

“You’ve been here for like a month, right?” he asked. 

“Yes.”

“Sorry, that’s kind of sad, I guess I could show you around.” he said. Loki did not like the pity he was showing to her but it was to her benefit so she could stand it for a while. 

“Maybe we could also meet up with one of my friends too. I imagine it’s not really fun being stuck with a bunch of adults that treat you like a kid.” He said with a bit of a projected bitterness. 

“Hmmm.” Loki hummed in agreement, she wasn’t really into the idea of meeting his friends, but if it got her out of the tower she could do. 

Giving Peter a dismissive, yet thankful smile she picked her book back up, glad to be rid of Peter’s earlier tension she was able to put her full attention into her learnings. A few minutes into her book the scent of toasting spices started to waft through the air, her mouth instantly watering as her mind was thrown back, crackling fires playing in her ears as she sat in her mothers warm and soft lap, the fyrstekake cooking away as Frigga hummed.   
Loki blinked herself back into the present, her eyes stinging annoyingly she rolled her eyes at her own reaction, clearing her throat she went back to trying to read,   
Her mind wandering every so often to bask in nostalgia. 

By the time the timer went off Loki was frustrated by the fact that she had not been able to absorb anything she had read in the last 30 minutes or so, letting out an agitated sigh she set the book down, and stood. 

“It smells really good.” Said Peter she watched him wander off on the search for something.

rubbing her hands together until sparks began to appear from the friction, her hands warming as a barrier was built.   
She opened the oven and reached in grabbing the pan of Fyrstekake, Peter shouting in alarm. The barrier was melting away a lot quicker than usual, probably had to do with her blueness so she quickly set the pan onto the oven top. 

Creating a barrier between her and heat had been one of the first things she had learned to do when she was younger, there had been too many instances of messed up spells causing sudden combustion that learning how to protect herself from it had been necessary. Among it’s protective qualities it was also supposed to make heat unnoticeable, a feature that was lacking due to her unusual coldness, she could certainly feel the heat still in her finger tips.

Using her foot she closed the oven as Peter rushed over, he hurriedly clutched her hands, inspecting them for blisters and burns, “Are you okay?” he asked alarmed, really inspecting her skin for any sort of blemish at this point. 

Loki watched him with a detached look, her mask firmly in place, mostly she was just confused by his reaction and by his concern, he hardly knew her after all, maybe he just didn’t know yet that she was hardly deserving of his concern.   
How she was always doing stupid dangerous shit and getting herself hurt.

Her skin was starting to itch from his clutch, she didn’t know him nearly enough to keep letting him touch her like this, so she tugged her hands out of his grip, scowling down at him. 

“I am fine.” she ground out. Keeping her hands close to her chest, she waited for him to back up.

“Are you sure?” he asked, his brow pinched. 

“Yes I am fine.” she said harshly, eventually he took a step back and his attention was grabbed by the fyrstekake. 

Her fingers were beginning to hurt from the lingering warmth so as soon as Peter was no longer looking at her she blew an icy breath onto them, wicking away the last of the heat.   
Her fingers were a bit flushed so when Peter turned back to her she quickly tucked them out of view. 

“This looks really good. When can we eat it?” he asked.

Loki glanced over to the cake. “It has to sit for 10 more minutes before we can do anything with it.” she informed him. 

“It smells great.” he added. 

“My um.” Loki started, in a sudden bout of openness. “Thor's mother, Frigga, she um she used to make this for me, whenever I was feeling down.” said Loki, she couldn’t tear her eyes from the cake, she didn’t want to look at Peter anyway, didn’t want to see the way he would react.

“Oh, that’s nice, my Aunt usually orders pizza from my favorite pizza place, and we usually watch my favorite movies, when I’m sad.” Said Peter. 

Loki tore her gaze from the cake, grabbing a cloth and a spray she started wiping down the counters, busying herself with cleaning. 

“She sounds good.” She said quietly. She finished cleaning far too early, so she found herself, leaned up against the counter, her arms folded over her chest, she stared at the fyrstekake.   
It couldn’t hurt to just speed up the cooling down process, just a little bit.  
So a little guiltily Loki hovered her hand over the top of the cake and willed it too cool till it was luke warm to the touch. 

Pulling her hand back she detached the pan, pulling it off the cake. 

“I thought you said it had to rest for 10 minutes?” asked Peter.

“It’s cool enough now.” Said Loki vaguely. 

Setting the cake onto a cooling tray she left the pan for someone else to clean, grabbing the powdered sugar, she dusted it on top till it looked like freshly fallen snow and taking the dull knife she cut out two slices, they were sturdy enough to pick up, despite the few crumbs so she handed one over to Peter.   
And ever mindful of the crumbs she took a bite.   
.  
A humm built softly in her throat as the rich spices filled her pallet, memories brimming to the surface once more, her heart warming and her eyes brimming with them. 

She hadn’t noticed when she closed her eyes, but they didn’t open again until Peter spoke up. 

“this is really good.” he said, his voice muffled by a mouthful of cake. 

Loki’s cheeks flushed black at his compliment so unused to them that she had no idea what to say in return so she pretended to ignore him, willing her blush away.  
She tucked the knife away into her seidr pocket and took another bite. 

When she was done with her slice she covered the leftover fyrstekake so that it wouldn’t go stale as fast, and despite the fact that morning was upon them and the sun was close to rising Loki retreated back to her room, finding Thor still snoring loudly.   
her stomach pleasantly full she shifted back into her feline form and hopped onto the bed, lazily curling herself next to Thor, leaching the warmth from him as she closed her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a long one, now you can understand why I broke it up into three chapters.


	21. Shimmery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! :), man this was a long break, so I decided to feed y'all a bit. 
> 
> you're welcome, lol.
> 
> comments are encouraged and appreciated. 
> 
> all this was somewhat fueled by the new Loki trailer, I'm so excited for it!

The next day found Loki standing in front of Anthony, ready to argue for her freedom. She had positioned Peter to stand next to her, he was supposed to act as her support, though with the way he had his hands tucked into his armpits and the way he practically vibrated with nerves showed how unprepared he was for that role. 

Loki probably should’ve warned him, prior to the confrontation, of his role, but she hadn’t had time, she had been too busy bullying her hair into some semblance of controlled neatness, the curls slicked back against her scalp with various waxes and oils, making them fall, neat and limp down her back.  
She had wanted to look presentable for the outside world, for Anthony, maybe to prove somehow that she was ready, but upon first glance of her appearance, Anthony opened his mouth and Loki’s previous confidence shriveled at his words. 

“Back to your old greasy self, I see?” he said, he could probably tell they were here to confront him, antagonize him, so he striked first, but it made Loki bristle, her arms coming to fold tightly against her chest as she scowled at the man. 

Her reaction was partially because of the feeling of unsettle that came with him comparing her to her old, grown self, no one likes to be compared to things they did in the past, especially when one has no memory of doing it, hell Loki hasn’t even done it yet, not really. 

Loki was a master at pretending and her mask was getting better by the day, her eyes were still an issue though, but Anthony was not staring intently into her eyes, so Loki simply pretended like his words did not affect her, outside of the slight annoyance she could not help.

“I would like to explore the city, and Peter has so graciously offered to accompany me, to keep your peace of mind.” she said through clenched teeth. 

“He would be acting not only as my guide but also as my guardian, since you expressed your worry of a repeat of last time.” she added. 

She could hear Peter shift nervously next to her, hell, she could practically hear him gulp with nerves. 

Anthony’s arms too came to cross over his chest, suppressing the glow from his blue heart. Loki’s eyes immediately latched onto the movement, before bouncing up to his goatee and the frown creasing it. 

“You are not going to let this go, are you?” Asked Anthony with a sigh. 

Loki pried her jaw open, “No” she stated plainly for him. 

Dragging a hand over his face the engineer relented. 

“Fine.” he sighed. “But you have to be back for lunch, let’s say 12 ish.”

It was 10 am already, that curfew did not leave them much time, but Anthony had not said that they couldn’t go back out afterwards, so Loki, adding on a great deal of pseudo reluctance, sighed.  
“Fine, I accept your terms.” She said, expecting this to be the end of the conversation she started to turn. 

“Wait, there’s just one issue.” Said Anthony. Loki tensed, slowly turning, eyeing the engineer. He seemed more relaxed. when he did not immediately elaborate Loki tensed further, her teeth grinding noisily in her skull, she rolled her eyes. 

“And that is?” She ground out. 

“If you remember, you’re all blue, how exactly are you going to explain that to people?” he asked, sounding far too triumphant.  
Loki scowled, her arms unfolding somewhat to give herself more of a hug then anything else really.  
Right, how could she forget? It’s not exactly something that is easy to forget, what with her whole body being…. This, this, unnatural color. 

Next to her, Peter slowly raised his hand, like he was a pupil that needed permission to speak.

“Yes, Peter?” Asked Anthony with a long suffering sigh. Pinching his nose bridge as he looked at the teen expectantly. 

“Well, M-Mr Stark, I could go with her, I-i mean, I’m obviously going with her, I just mean that I could go with her in my suit or something, so people just assume that we’re in costumes, for like a Halloween party or something.” said Peter, tripping over his words in his anxiety. 

Anthony sighed, “that’s actually really smart, kid” He did have to give the kid that, that plan could do more then work, it was close enough to Halloween that they probably wouldn’t even be the only people in ‘fancy dress’.  
“Good job.” 

Peter had to leave the tower to go fetch his Spiderman suit so that left Loki some free time to wait for him to come get her. She found herself sitting on the communal couch, her leg bouncing anxiously and her eyes did not settle on a single thing in the room, her brain looking for something to occupy her mind with, but she came up disappointingly empty.

Letting out a sigh she sunk further into the cushions, her arms crossing tightly over her chest as she blew a chunk of hair out of her face before sighing once again. 

“Jarvis, how long has it been since Peter left?” she asked the ceiling, her head craning backwards till her neck skin pulled taut. 

“It has been exactly 5 minutes, Loki.” he said. Well it feels like it’s been forever

She was anxious to leave, the last time she went out, actually went out, hadn’t gone very well, if getting attacked only to be rescued then to be rescued from her rescuer who now wanted nothing to do with her, which still stung a little, constituted as well, well then that would be concerning. And the time before that? she had hardly seen anything, only the clothes she had been forced to buy, the clothes that barely fit her and hardly felt like her’s. 

She paused in her musings, a memory deciding now to remind her, looking around nervously she reached her hand into her inter-dimensional pocket and pulled out the small bullet shaped tube of red pigment that she had nabbed during that trip.  
Quickly closing up her pocket she stared at the object like at any moment it would come alive and bite her, which of course was silly, so she plucked the lid off and twisted up the pigment.  
perhaps this would make her feel better, more put together, more like Frigga, more like herself. 

She would need a mirror, however. So getting up to find one she wandered to the bathroom, flicking on the lights she stared at her reflected image, forgoing every other inch of her face in favor of her thin lips. 

She didn’t have much lip to work with, but it would seem she had somehow grabbed a red that perfectly matched her eyes and that made up for it, so with a perpetually steady hand, she painted it on, careful to stay within the lines and careful not to smudge or cause any sort of imperfection, it took her a bit but when she was done she capped the tube and slid it into her pant pocket.  
It did make her feel slightly better, more put together, but it contrasted greatly with the rest of her outfit, her outfit ill fitting and bland compared to her lipstick, but she would keep it on, for now. 

“Peter has returned.” Said Jarvis, Loki briskly turned, and went to go find the spiderling so they could be off. 

After she found him, Anthony decided to escort them out, all so he could nag and remind them of their curfew.  
Once they were finally outside and rid of their persistent shadow, Loki took a moment, the sidewalks were packed and busy, though where they were stood, in front of the building, was almost completely clear of people, it gave Loki time to prepare herself, taking in the cold air, she let it back out in a shaky exhale, and a raven cawing in the distance helped her shake herself from her trepidation.

“So, where are you taking me?” She asked. 

“I figured I could show you where I live first? We’d have to take the metro there, but that would be good, so you know how to use it.” Said Peter, his voice slightly muffled by his mask in a way it hadn’t been in his other one. 

“The metro?”

“Oh uh, it’s a public transport.” Peter said. 

“I also figured that uh, after you see my place, we could walk around for a while until we have to come back.” he said. 

Loki nodded slowly, sounds like a reasonable plan, and despite being persistent on leaving, she had not actually thought so far as to make a plan herself.  
An oversight, but she hadn’t exactly been a hundred percent convinced that Anthony was actually going to let her out.  
Seeing all of Newyork had seemed like enough of a plan, but with their time constraint that wouldn’t be possible, so at least knowing how the public transport worked was good enough for now.  
It might also prove to be useful to know where Peter lived. 

Peter led her away from the tower, leading her through crowds of people and down a set of stairs leading underground, she had to press herself to the handrail so she would not be walked over and swept away from him.  
There were too many scents assaulting her nose, too many sounds attacking her ear drums, she could not say that she was enjoying this experience yet. 

As the floor leveled out and they reached a hallway, Peter pulled out two rectangular pieces of a plastic holding one out for her as they walked.  
She took it and looked at Peter in bemusement. 

“Mr Stark gave me these Metro cards to use.” He said, fiddling with his own ‘metro card’. 

“What is it for?” She asked, looking down at the card. 

“It’s so we can get through those barriers.” Said Peter, gesturing to the barrier they were quickly approaching, there were these pegs that spun out of the way when people walked through them, and Peter led her up to one of them, a green arrow attached to it. 

“Watch me.” he said, showing her which way to hold the card. He slid it over the top of a sensor on the barrier, it glowed green and the peg unlocked allowing Peter to walk through it. 

“Wait a second.” Said Peter before Loki could immediately follow his example, after a second he gave her a thumbs up, Loki hesitantly pressed the card onto the sensor, double checking to make sure she was holding it correctly, it lit up green and Loki hurriedly walked through the barrier, scared that it would lock before she could get to the otherside. 

She shoved the card into her pant pocket and looked up at Peter and even though his face was covered by the mask she couldn’t help but notice that he was undoubtedly amused by her skittishness. 

She scowled at him, a person bumping into her and jostling her a little bit, she turned that scowl onto the offender and they scurried quickly away, staring at her all the while.  
She sniffed snootily and adjusted her oversized shirt.  
Shouldering past Peter he sprung into action, not letting her get ahead of him, which she allowed seeing as she didn’t actually know where they were going. 

At the end of the hall she could see the way the room opened up, a smell was wafting closer and the smell was not a pleasant one, though she could taste the wind in it.  
Well before the smell had reached her, the sound of music prickled at her ears and as they walked through the lip of the hall the music became clear in the way it did not come from speakers. 

Looking around trying to spot the source of the music, Loki spotted a dark skinned man up against the wall a good distance away from them, he held a brass instrument against his lips as he crooned his melody into it. 

It pierced through the air loud enough to drown out the voices, the crackle of speaker announcements and the sound of trains rushing through tunnels, next to this man's feet sat a jar filled with green notes, scribed on the jar was the word “tips”.  
Loki was familiar with the concept, having noticed that sometimes people performed on the streets of Asgard, and almost always people would throw coins at them. 

As a train passed by, Loki’s hair was rustled back, damp carried through the wind and Loki tore her eyes away from the man to look at Peter. 

“Do you have money, Peter?” She asked him.

The teen tore his gaze away from the departure board to look at Loki, his brow furrowed under his mask. 

“Yeah, why?” He asked,

Loki gestured to the playing man. 

“I want to pay him.” she stated simply.

Peter looked to the man and shrugged. “Okay.” he said, pulling his wallet out he handed Loki a few notes of the green currency.  
She took them with delicate fingers, folding the money into a neat crisp line, and with the help of long legs she strode up to the man with determination.

When she approached the jar she crouched so that she could carefully place the money inside, tucking it in to make sure it would not blow away.  
The music was so loud this close that she could hear nothing else but when she looked up at the man he winked at her in thanks and she gave an answering smile, getting ready to leave him to his music, her eyes brushed over her surroundings, it was a simple habit born of paranoia but she had been ready to return to Peter, that was until her eyes actually caught onto something, it was barely anything, a brief glimmer in the tunnel, it was most likely just a shard of glass reflecting light, but for some reason it made her freeze and stare. 

Her mind itched, like a compulsion, a nudge. A frown leveling on her face, she looked back at Peter briefly, he had yet to notice her, she bets that she would have a minute more before he realized that she had not yet returned to his side. 

So looking back into the tunnel she kept walking well past Peter, who had predictably missed her passing him, she grew closer to the lip of the tunnel and closer to the edge of the platform, people were glancing her way now, nervous murmurs broke out as she got even closer to the edge, more people beginning to notice her risky position.

“Ma’am, step away from the ledge. It’s not safe.” Someone called out, finally gaining Peter’s attention. 

He looked around trying to spot the cause of the sudden collective nervousness, his heart dropped a bit when he noticed that it was Loki, she was leaning over the edge now. Headlights of a train approaching fast made his heart speed up. Matching the speed of the train,  
Loki pulled back at the last minute, ignoring the growing chaos in the crowds of the Midgardian people, her hair whipped to the side covering her eyes for a brief second before she tugged it away and as soon as the train had passed she looked back to see Peter walking towards her. 

“Loki?!” he called and Loki feeling slightly bad about it, hopped onto the tracks. 

People were screaming now but she paid it no mind.  
She could feel the electricity sparking through some of the rails, and knew to avoid those, she had been on the receiving end of Thor’s lightning once when he had been new at it, and had not yet realized how dangerous it was and well, that was not exactly an experience she would like to repeat. 

Peter was calling for her louder now, and she could hear his feet pounding wetly towards her, but people were crowding now, and this impeded him in his goal of reaching her, but even then Loki would need to be quick, so she quickly moved onto a platform that was seemingly meant for walking and located the glimmer.  
Feeling the edge of it with her fingers, it rippled under her pads, sparking violently, though it only tickled, she reached out with her seidr, making sure that it would not kill her to submerge herself in it, because it was clear now that this was a doorway, a portal to somewhere.  
Since she had already wasted time in checking, as soon as her seidr let her know that the chances of bodily harm were less then 20 % she held her breath and stepped into it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, I am sorry about the cliffhanger, especially because this was the last of the pre-written chapters, so like it might take a while before this one is resolved.  
I am quite cruel, aren't I?

**Author's Note:**

> I'll most likely fail to upload consistently as it really depends on my mental health.  
I'm quite determined not to abandon this so even if it takes me months I will be coming out with more chapters until this is done.  
Thank you for all of the love on my first version of this fic, it means a whole lot to me!


End file.
